Boundless Bridesmaids: Do you need to include everyone?

by epi on December 10, 2012

Q:  My daughter’s fiance wants his three sisters to be her bridesmaids. She hardly knows them, and I don’t want the added cost of including them. What should we do?

A:  There is no rule that says your daughter must included her future sisters-in-law. However, the bride’s family is responsible only for the bridesmaids’ flowers and local accommodations, so you wouldn’t be adding a huge amount of additional expense. The bigger concern is any hurt feelings caused by the exclusion. The choice is ultimately personal — and including them may give your daughter the opportunity to create stronger family ties.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Country Girl December 10, 2012 at 7:22 am

I never realized how important it would be for me to have my brother standing up there until the time came. It was very special to me to have him up there lending support and representing me, as well as I liked that he was in the pictures.

And keep in mind, even if daughter puts her foot down, I’ve actually been to a few weddings with “groomsmaids” and “bridesmen” (ok I don’t think they’re called that, but you get the picture.) so fiance can choose to have his sisters stand on his side. Your daughter is lucky to have found someone with good family relationships!

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Clara December 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Don’t forget that when they are asked to be bridesmaids, the “added cost” is actually on them…for dresses, shoes, bridesmaids’ gift to the bride, a bridal shower, etc. Where is the added cost on you, as I am sure they were already going to be guests and a meal would be provided to them.

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Alicia December 13, 2012 at 9:04 am

I’ve been a groomswoman in a wedding. Really bride and groom should discuss this with themself and you should stay out of the choice. The mother of the bride shiould have nothing to do with picking the bridal party. But groom can have his sisters stand up as groomswomen on his side. Also bride may not be close with them now but these ladies will be her sisters in laws and over time will be a big part of her life.

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Coco December 28, 2012 at 11:36 am

Since you mention “added cost”, I’m guessing that you are planning to spend money on your bridesmaids – buying them gifts, perhaps paying for their dresses, etc. It seems like many brides do something similar. If that is your concern, I think that is something to be honest about! Your daughter (the bride) could say to her fiancé: “My mom generously offered to buy my bridesmaids X, Y, and Z, because my bridesmaids are my closest friends since childhood and my mom wants to support their ability to be part of our service. Maybe your sisters can be groomswomen? I think it would be awkward for me – and for my mother – to include them in our bridesmaid plans.”

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