Sticky Situation: When post-wedding politeness needs prompting

by epi on November 23, 2012

Q: It has been months, but my daughter-in-law still hasn’t written her thank-you notes for her wedding gifts. Is there anything I can do to get her to write them?

A: Let her know that guests are wondering if their gifts were received — she’ll get the hint. You may also want to remind your son that these days husbands write thank-you notes, too! Plus, a handwritten note is still the way to go — it’s far warmer than an e-mailed one.

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Ash November 23, 2012 at 10:34 am

Thank you for noting that this Mother could just as easily ask when her SON will be writing thank you notes. Especially to his side of the family.

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Pat Stephens November 24, 2012 at 11:27 pm

We are doing a holiday fundraiser and have a professional photographer taking pictures with Santa, we receive a portion of the proceeds from her photos. How do we ask people to not take photos with thier personal cameras so they don’t have to pay for the photos?

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Jerry November 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

Put up a conspicuous sign that says “no photos” right before the kids go sit on Santa’s lap. Don’t be surprised if some people ignore it. But you’ll be surprised how many people are rule followers.

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barb November 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

I was horrified at a family member who sent unsigned, pre-printed thank you notes ONE YEAR after the wedding. Kind of like what the Queen sends to acknowledge her birthday presents, I imagine.

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Lauren February 5, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Which of Post’s Wedding Books has the most information for mother of the groom, groom’s family, and groom’s step-family? As they are often hard to find in stores, one cannot browse. Advice?

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Andrea June 14, 2013 at 8:44 am

Unfortunately, my sister in law hasn’t taught her children to acknowledge gifts and/or write thank you notes. I recently threw my niece a graduation party and none of the guest received thank you cards. Additionally, in the same month, my Mom and I each mailed my niece a birthday card enclosed with cash. We received no acknowledgement of same. I sent her a text message a few days after her birthday to make sure she received them. Her response? “Oh yes, thank you and your Mom”. I think this is unacceptable behavior. These children are not going to be well received in life due to what appears as lack of appreciation. How can this situation be rectified?

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Winifred Rosenburg June 14, 2013 at 10:42 am

The only thing that can be done is to stop giving her gifts. Etiquette does not require you to continue to give gifts to someone who doesn’t show appreciation for them.

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Cyra June 14, 2013 at 11:37 am

Hi Andrea,

Unfortunately, this is one of those situations where you can’t correct other people’s manners, even if they are your nieces. The only thing I can suggest is that in a situation like that you might contact your sister-in-law and say, “Did Sally receive the card I sent? It had cash in it, and since I haven’t heard from her, I wanted to check.” Additionally, if you are requested to pass on thanks to your Mom you can reply, “Oh, I’m sure Grandma would love to hear from you directly, so I’ll let you tell her thank you.”

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