1. T. McMillan

    A family member of mine, and member of my wedding party has recently eloped without the blessing of their parents.
    They left for tropical destination with a group of friends and wedded while there.
    The couple decided to invite local family and friends to a reception to celebrate their nuptials.
    They have only informed the public of their wedded status by this invitation; including parents and grandparents.
    I learned that if you eloped you forego gifts and registry, yet they are registered.
    I also learned that if the parents desire to throw a party for their child, they can and were to invite family and friends; yet this relative has invited all the family friends and relatives to this reception.

    How do I respond?

    • Jerry

      Adults may throw themselves a party to celebrate their wedding without their parents’ permission. If you want to attend, you RSVP in the affirmative. If you do not want to attend, you RSVP in the negative. You may give a gift if you so desire.

      The rest of the facts — that they got married without their parents’ blessing — are irrelevant to the calculus.

    • Country Girl

      While I agree it is odd to inform one’s family this way, there is nothing wrong with hosting one’s own reception after eloping. It actually eliminates the burden of payment from the parents or someone else. There is also nothing wrong with the couple being registered, so long as they don’t give that information to guests unsolicited. Most family and friends, though not required, will still want to give them a gift.

      You respond by RSVPing yes or no as you are able. Use your discretion, budget, and love for the couple in selecting a gift or just expressing your well wishes in a card.

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      Respond the same way you would respond to any invitation, by saying “yes, I will attend” or “no, I will not attend.”

    • Jody

      I’m assuming that you did in fact receive an invitation to this reception, but it sounds like you don’t approve of the way the wedding/reception was carried out (apologies if I’m misreading something). If you can’t graciously (or cheerfully) attend you’d be wise to decline. You don’t have to go into exact reasons, just say that you’re unable to attend due to other commitments for that date.

  2. Brockwest

    Things are as rigid these days and there can be many reasons….stress of wedding planning comes to mind, to induce one to elope. I say so what that they eloped, good for them.
    Now a relative who cares for them wants to celebrate the union. Bravo for the relative. If you care for the person, attend.
    As to the gift, even a traditional wedding invite does not REQUIRE a gift, though it is standard. You give a gift to honor the couple, not because a book requires it. I would absolutely attend and absolutely give a gift.
    Perhaps I’m jaded. I eloped. It was wonderful. I gave my own dinner at a nice restaurant on my return and paid for it. No gifts were given, which was fine by me.
    I had two wonderful times….eloping meant saying vows with the one I loved without the constraints of wedding planning. I still got to celebrate with family.
    So, you respond by how you care for this person. If you don’t care for them, don’t go. If you care for them, go, and send a gift. You aren’t required to give a gift, but by all means do so.

    • Lori C

      Laura, How about:

      Mr. and Mrs. John Weiss
      have the pleasure of announcing
      the marriage of their daughter

      Janet Weiss
      Brad Majors

      son of Mr. and Mrs. Lee Majors

      Please join Mr. and Mrs. Weiss
      in celebration of their marriage
      at the wedding reception


      Please RSVP by date
      Phone number
      Email address

      If the reception is more casual, feel fee to drop the Mr. and Mrs. and go with the parents first names if you like.

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