16 Comments

  1. Reba

    I have been sick for the past few months and lately I have received many cards in the mail wishing me well. Most of the cards are from people at church. My Question.. Should I send these people a Notice to be read in the bulletin Thanking them for their thoughts and prayers or should I do this with a card of thanks to each personally?

    • Clara

      Reba, I am sorry that you have been ill, I hope you are recovering. I think either response is appropriate, depending on what you are feeling well enough to do. When I have sent someone a “get well” card, I have never expected a response. Sometimes a recipient of a “get well” card will email me that they got my card, but my only intention was to send him or her good wishes. If you find yourself with a lot of time on your hands while you are recovering, you may want to send your friends a little note if that is something you may enjoy. But it is not necessary and could be accomplished with a notice in the church bulletin if you wish.

  2. Jody

    I would think a notice would be a very nice gesture — I’ve seen many similar notices at my church and at work. They say something like “Jane Doe wants to let everybody know how touched and grateful she is for their kind wishes and help during her recent illness.”

  3. K

    I am applying for a job. They are asking for 6 references (2 past employers, 2 clients, 2 personal). They are also asking for 3 letters of recommendation. I have a letter of recommendation from both my past employers. I also have a letter of recommendation from a client from a very long time ago, which is a bit vague.

    Should I use this letter? Should I instead include a letter of recommendation from a personal reference, that I know will be a glowing one? Should I go back to a different past client to try to extract a letter of recommendation? (My only issue with this is that I don’t necessarily want to trust that any of my past clients to be timely in returning one…)

    When a company asks for 3 letters of recommendation what are they expecting? The most glowing ones, the most diverse ones?

    • Clara

      Can either of the 2 clients you are using as a reference write you a recommendation? I would use a more recent recommendation letter, if possible. Do you do any volunteer work or are you any professional committees that have people involved whom you could ask for a letter?

      • K.

        Clara thank you for your response. I have asked these clients if they would provide a letter, to which they replied that they would. Now I just have to really cross my fingers that one gets here in quickly!

  4. Clara

    This upcoming week is my last week at my current job. I was given lovely little gifts and notes by the teens with whom I currently work and I have written out thank you cards. I am wondering, do I use my home address as the return address, or should I use my employer (a public institution) as the return address. I am using personal thank you cards and my own stamps for the thank you cards.

    • Country Girl

      I see a few additional factors that I, myself, would consider. First: Are you confident your new colleagues are ones who would be understanding of returning these letters to you? You might not necessarily want to start out a new job with questions of why your personal mail is being returned to the office. And second: Are these teens whom you absolutely feel comfortable with having your home address? (I know it’s dreadful to bring up, but I have been involved in public awareness campaigns for stalking, and some statistics are pretty scary. So I might consider erring on better safe than sorry.)

      I think 2 other options might be to hand them out next week before you leave with simply the giver’s name on the front of the envelope, or if that is not possible, mail the stack of cards back to a trusted adult at your current job to disperse accordingly.

      Congrats on your new job!

  5. Ashley

    I am in my late 20’s and re-entering the dating world. I believe the man should pay for the meal (or the date in general whatever that my consist of) but some of my friends think otherwise. Am I too old-fashioned in thinking this way? In the past I used to offer to pay (but of course, the date would never let me). But now, I just think the man should expect to pay and maybe I don’t even need to offer (since it was a fake offer anyway).

    So, should I offer to pay when the bill arrives? Or simply assume the man will pay and do nothing?

    I personally would not go on a second date with a man who did not pay, but is my thinking way out of line nowadays?

    • Who invited whom?
      If you invited the man to dinner, please pay. If he invited you, he should pay. If he paid for dinner/entertainment, you decide the date is going well and you’d enjoy an after dinner drink, I suggest paying for the after dinner drinks.
      If he’s paid for the first date and you foresee a second, if I were you I’d pay for that second date. Otherwise it appears as if you are only using the man, and of course you wouldn’t want that. These days we have our own careers and paychecks, and can’t expect men to always foot the bill.

      • Country Girl

        Ashley, I am an old-fashioned girl as well and totally understand the enjoyment of the man taking the reigns early on. However, I also agree with Laura. I, as a woman, have enough self-worth not to want to date a man who would take advantage of me in any way, and I expect the same self-worth from a potential mate. After the first date, I would really at least make an honest attempt to pay for the snacks at the concert, the tip for the meal, or as Laura mentions, the after-dinner drinks. Once you start ‘dating’, it is fair to pick up the check for a meal every so often, if not every other date. (And as a side note, smart men see right through the “Oh I guess here’s my card…-scootch, scootch- *wink*.” so really go all in with the intention of paying.) Even if he doesn’t accept, I promise you.. it’s something in their animal nature.. he will absolutely LOVE pushing back your card.

    • Chocobo

      The rule remains as it always has been: the host pays for their guest. The host is the person who invited the other out to dinner or any other event. Don’t be fooled by inaccurate movies that said women never hosted men, they certainly did. In previous eras they would invite dates to join them for a home-cooked meal or pretend to have obtained tickets to the theater through and aunt or something. But nowadays a woman might feel comfortable inviting a man out to dinner and paying with cash. If a man invited you out to dinner, then there is no need to offer to pay as he is your host. But if you would like to extend the date and suggest some coffee at the cafe afterward, then you are the hostess at the coffeehouse and therefore you would pay.

      However you want to handle it is up to you, but remember that if you did the inviting, you are the hostess and are responsible for your guest. Remember too that all relationships require reciprocation, so if you would like to continue your acquaintance with a man, you must be the hostess from time to time, in whatever way you feel comfortable.

  6. Vi

    I had an accident last Friday night and broke my right hand and collarbone. I phoned my boss on Saturday so that coverage could be arranged for my position. On Tuesday I posted on Facebook that I had been injured. I was surprised to learn that this was the first my colleagues knew of my injuries. My boss then sent out a blanket email telling everyone about my accident, that I was doing well, (I was actually doing very poorly) and that flowers would be sent from our social fund that day. The flowers never arrived. Now I feel hurt, and I feel like everyone will expect a thank you note because they won’t know that I never got the flowers. What do I do, if anything? I should add that this same boss has accused me of being rude in the past, when I really felt like I was just trying to do my job.

    • What do I do, if anything?

      You should get well soon!
      Ah, but you were concerned about your boss’ odd behavior. I don’t blame you. Is one of your colleagues also a good friend? (It sounds as if they are at least Facebook friends with you.) Can you talk with a colleague about this, saying, “hey, I’m not saying I need flowers, but I heard they were coming, yet never arrived. Do you know if they were sent to the wrong address?”
      Alternatively, you might post on FB something along the lines of, “the flowers from Aunt Jane and my friend Sally were so nice!” Then a coworker might wonder, why aren’t Work’s flowers mentioned? If I were the coworker, I’d ask you about it at that point, to make sure your flowers arrived.
      If such an accident occurs again (I hope it doesn’t!) then send an email to your boss, and copy coworkers who might be affected by your absence. That way everyone knows what everyone else knows, and there’s a paper trail.

    • Elizabeth

      Vi,
      Sorry to hear about your bad luck, and I hope you are on the mend. Since your boss sent the email about sending the flowers, I would suggest just asking her directly. To go to others would sound passive-aggressive if she found out about it. Why not just write a quick email like this:

      “Dear Boss,
      Thanks for the email that you sent around letting everyone know what’s happening. I saw that you mentioned that flowers would be delivered, and I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t received any. Perhaps some funny business is happening with the florist?? I just didn’t want the company to pay for something that wasn’t delivered.
      Best,
      Vi”

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