Open Thread

by epi on September 20, 2012

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

sheila September 21, 2012 at 8:35 pm

my question is: if someone offers to take you to an event that they bought season tickets to, do you pay for the ticket or assume they want somebody to at least use the tickets for free?


Jerry September 22, 2012 at 8:50 am

You ask “how much are the tickets?” If the invitor is your host, he will say “you’re my guest.” If the invitor is just organizing the event, he will say “they are X,” at which time you may politely accept or decline.


Elizabeth September 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Perfect. The important thing is to not assume one way or another, but to ask directly. This avoids uncomfortable situations later.


Heidi September 22, 2012 at 8:11 pm

I have been invited to an out of town event as a date of the man I have been seeing for about a year. I’ve not met his famiy before but at this event, I will be introduced to his immediate and extended family. The guests of honor are his niece and nephew. My date is paying for the airline tickets and the hotel. Should I buy a gift for the birthday children (they are twins)? I know that my date and his family are going in on a big gift together but I feel that perhaps I should give a gift as well…such as a $50 gift card for each? thank you.


Alicia September 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Depends on the family. Ask your boyfriend. He knows his family dynamic better then any of us will.


Adela September 23, 2012 at 6:27 pm

I am a bridesmaid for my best friend of 20 years. She keeps talking to me about getting people to give money into a honeymoon registry, but the way she talks about it is very selfish and rude.

Myself and some of our mutual friends are not comfortable giving money and would prefer to give gifts. However, she has just declared, in front of me and a few would-be guests, that she will NOT register for any other gifts despite my previously discussing the benefits of having a more traditional registry along side a honeymoon registry. I did not tell her I was uncomfortable giving money at those times, but this new decision is bothering me. Should I try talking to her about it?


Elizabeth September 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

You can’t tell her what to do, but you can as her best friend offer her your perspective. Next time she complains about receiving gifts instead of money, you can say, “You know, Friend, there are probably lots of people who actually prefer giving gifts over money. I am actually one of them, and I prefer it because of X, Y, Z. I gotta tell you, when you go on about trying to get money out of people, it’s not coming off very well. Are you inviting people just to get gifts, or to share your day with them?” This is something I feel like I could say to my good friend without damaging our relationships. I do have pretty open and direct relationships, though, and only you know how much you can share with your friend.


Alicia September 24, 2012 at 7:58 am

No. It is not your place to tell her what she can and can not ask for. That said you do not have to give money. Registries are not an exclusive list. You can give off the registry. Give a gift of whatever you wish to give that you think she and her husband will like that is within your budget.


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