Open Thread

by epi on August 24, 2012

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Jordan August 24, 2012 at 10:51 am

My close friend is getting married in May 2014 and has been engaged for a long time. I am a bridesmaid in her wedding. I just recently got engaged and would like to marry in Spring 2014 as well. I will ask her to be a bridesmaid for me. But I don’t want to have my wedding too close to hers and offend her – our friendship is more important to me. What is a date I can choose without being inappropriate and too close to hers?

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Alicia August 24, 2012 at 10:54 am

Ask her. Officially any day except exactly her wedding day should be fine. But if she is one of the people who can rule out days then ask her.

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Just Laura August 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

Have you asked your friend? She would be able to answer that question best.

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Chocobo August 24, 2012 at 12:01 pm

There is no date that is inappropriate for you to get married. Your wedding and hers have nothing to do with one another. The only restriction would be if you want her to be in your wedding, and you are in hers, you shouldn’t make plans for the same day — say by getting married yourself. You might just ask her what date she was thinking of, and how long of a honeymoon she might take, because you want her to be in your party and want her to be there. Then make your own plans. If she is in your wedding the week after she gets back from her honeymoon or two weeks before her wedding, I should hope she would be happy for you as you are for her.

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Matthew R. August 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Wonder if anyone could help with this one:
My wife and I are expecting our first child in a few months. Her sister has offered to throw us a baby shower and is willing to do all the planning, we just need to provide a list of addresses of people for her to send invites to. After we made the list and gathered addresses, which inevitably shared our intent to invite, we had to cut names for logistical reasons (I.E. out of respect for the S.I.L’s budget). I intended to tell those individuals that we got addresses from that were later cut about the mistake but have been told by my wife and others that I need not worry since no one has formally been invited until they receive the invite in the mail. Today at work, a co-worker that was cut from the list, asked about the shower. I tactfully answered their question without further digging the hole, however I still feel like I am doing something wrong. What if someone buys a gift and never receives the invite that they are expecting? Should I apologize to those that were cut or follow other advice?

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Elizabeth August 29, 2012 at 10:01 pm

I would offer to supplement your sil’s budget so you can invite all the people you promised an invitation to. One difficult conversation with your sil is better than many difficult conversations and hurt feelings with others.

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Country Girl August 30, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Technically of course, the number of guests should have been discussed between your SIL and wife before anyone was contacted. I agree wholeheartedly with Elizabeth. Hosting additional guests at a baby shower doesn’t typically bring on much more cost as a shower usually entails just some light snacks and a few party games. Offering to pay the bit of difference and to make or buy a few more trays of sandwiches or treats (whatever goes with the party theme) will save you from many hurt feelings. You are correct, these guests have indeed been “essentially invited” as you have asked them for their addresses for the purpose of inviting them to the shower. Backing out is not a polite option in the least. Many of these guests have probably already made arrangements to come and possibly purchased gifts.

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