1. kathleen ferrigni

    I could not find an exact area to ask my question so I am submitting it here. I send my two adult daughters (19 and 24 years old) on extravagant trips that I do not attend. However, I only think it is polite that they would bring back an inexpensive momento of thanks. I have asked for a post-card from the places I send them because I collect them or a leaf in that I collect them from different areas also. They forget every time and say I am selfish because I expect for them to bring back a momento of appreciation. It is not the object or the price, but I am trying to teach them (unsuccessfully) that it is only polite to give some token of thanks or appreciation when someone does something for someone such as a trip. When I travel, I always bring back souvenirs for my family members. That is the way I was raised, and I am heartbroken that they think a postcard is an unreasonable request. Because of their response, it is only natural that I no longer fund their trips, but they absolutely refuse to believe that anyone would expect a token of appreciation. Can someone either tell me if I am right or wrong. If correct, could someone please write an article on the ettiquette for this type of situation. Thank you. Happy holidays.

    • You are funding a trip with the expectation that they bring you a postcard (I too request postcards). They are the selfish ones, who can’t be bothered to spend $1 to make you happy. You need to pay for no more trips in the future. If they wish to travel lavishly, they are adults and may buy their own trips.

      If you feel the need to fund others’ trips, please know that I love to travel and I promise to bring back a little something for you.

      • Joanna

        Why exactly are you continuing to fund adult children’s trips? I know parents like to help and all, but it seems they are not appreciative at all, simply taking it as a given. Vacations, much less extravagant ones, are a luxury to which no one is entitled. I’m 32 and can’t imagine having my parents pay for my vacation, or my asking them, for that matter. (They were very generous when I was younger, giving me a chance to experience many lovely vacations. But that was prior to my becoming a self-sufficient adult.)

        Also, why are you yourself not on these trips? Perhaps the next time you should go, and if your kids want to come along, have them pay their own share.

    • Alicia

      Wow of course when someone gives you a gift you must write a thank you note. As the gift is a trip and you like postcards a postcard with a thank you note written on it mid trip would be a perfect thing. A memento as a thank you gift for such an amazingly kind gift as a trip would be very appropriate. If you have made it clear that this is the expectation yes then refusing to pay for their next trip is reasonable and very appropriate.

  2. Jane

    Weekend stay question
    If you have family members stay for a weekend (2 nights) and they bring a bottle of wine along with contributions towards the dinner and the host serves their own wine is it impolite to take your unopened wine with you when you leave?

    • Elizabeth

      Yes, it is. The wine is considered to be a gift, like the other contributions, and the host may decide whether to serve the wine or save it for another meal (when it may pair better with the food served). The guests should not attempt to take it back at the end of the night or weekend.

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