7 Comments

  1. barbara

    Another question, please. A senior client of the advertising lost her husband recently. We were not aware until immediately after the funeral. How may I/should I acknowledge her loss? Are flowers from the Agency to her home appropriate? Or should we acknowledge this is some other manner? Hopefully you will be able to address this. I am anxious to take whatever steps I should. Many thanks.

  2. Alicia

    Flowers, a card or note, or if a specific charity listed in obituary a donation to charity are all very good options. Then next time you see her verbally express your condolences. A simple verbal “I’m sorry for you loss” goes a long way

  3. Ashley

    I have a question. I was invited to a friend’s wedding, and I too had had her at my wedding not so long ago. The thing is, we haven’t really been that close for years, and one of her close friends USED to be my best friend. So the bride had her bachelorette party and I saw she had a large number of girls there, but I wasn’t invited. Should I let her know that I am hurt, or do I accept that I wasn’t invited, possibly due to my former BF not wanting me there? If I was the only female friend not invited, I feel uncomfortable going to her wedding where I may be completely shunned, and may only be invited because she feels she has to invite me because I had her at my wedding. I also don’t want my feelings to destroy any chances of the bride and I getting closer again in the future. But I also don’t know how to handle being around my former BF. To be clear, I don’t know why she isn’t my friend anymore, she just started ignoring me after my wedding, which hurts a whole lot. So that’s my dilemma, and Thank you for any thoughts you may have.

    • If you want to attend the wedding, that’s up to you. If you go, try to have a good time.
      The fact that you weren’t invited to the bachelorette party has nothing to do with the wedding. The bride invites whomever she pleases, and there’s is no reason to be upset about a lack of invite. There may have been many reasons that an invitation wasn’t extended to you – only a certain amount of people for the venue, the people throwing the party could only afford X amount of people, the limo could only handle 10 girls, etc. Besides, you admit that you that you aren’t that close to the bride, so I’m a little confused as to why you thought an invitation would be forthcoming.

      I am a big believer in the Golden Rule: How would you feel if a person with whom you were not close called you up and told you how bad you made her feel for not inviting her to your party?

      If there’s any phone call you want to make, I suggest making it to your former best friend to find out what you may have done to cause her to ignore you (even if you feel you did nothing, it sounds nicer that way). Perhaps it was a simple miscommunication at your wedding, and you both can patch things up.

  4. Ashley

    Thank you for your thoughtful response. I think I will take your advice about going and trying to have a good time, and not making things more awkward with the bride, as I truly don’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

    I think it hurts so much because it confirms my feelings that our friendship has been in the decline, and since I lost that other friend, it makes me feel unloved in general with very few friends.
    My best guess for why my BF started ignoring me is that after the wedding she had no more obligation to me. She actually stopped calling me her best friend probably 10 years ago, and I hoped having her as my MOH would help repair what we lost, and that certainly didn’t work. The whole time she would make back handed comments about everything about my wedding, and I would try not to show how hurt I was, but it was a very stressful situation. Looking at those wedding pictures of the two of us together is an extremely painful reminder that I didn’t have anyone in my life right for the MOH role. And I know I haven’t always said or done the right thing, so I take the blame for things not working out, and I don’t want to continue to force things that don’t work.
    So the question now: will I ignore my MOH/former BF at this wedding? Pretend everything is fine, so I don’t put a damper on the event? or is the best thing to confront my MOH before the event and let her know I don’t want things to be weird and see what she has to say? Should I apologize to her for not always being a great friend, even though I’m hurt by her behavior as well?

    • You smile and say “hello” when you see her. “How have you been?” may be a nice addition, if you feel she is receptive. You do not owe anyone any more than that, and anything further at someone else’s wedding might be inappropriate. Many people grow apart for reasons that aren’t the fault of anyone involved. If it will put your mind at ease, write a nice letter to her where you wonder what happened and let her know you valued her friendship. Send this after the wedding (so there won’t be weirdness at the event). You will either receive a response or you won’t, which itself will be a response.

      If it makes you feel better, I had to fly my MOH in from Hawaii as I too didn’t have anyone around me to fulfill that role. Sometimes these things happen. It doesn’t reflect badly on you. I have made more friends by volunteering and taking a night class. Perhaps that would help you as well?

  5. Ashley

    Thank you so much for your quick and kind responses. It means a lot to me.

    I think you are completely right in all this, and I really should be doing volunteer work! I’m sure that would help with my self-esteem and making new friends.

    Thanks again!

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