Q: My son is about to be a first-time father, and he asked me if I would be willing to host a baby shower for his wife. They live a distance away from me and therefore the attendees would be friends of mine rather than people from my son’s age group. I told him that it would not be appropriate for me, as his mother, to host a shower and that it should be a family friend, not a close relative who would do this. I know that I have been invited to many baby and bridal showers where a mother, mother-in-law, or a sister has been the hostess. Is this acceptable now? Am I just being old-fashioned?
A: The “rules” on baby showers have changed. In the past, it was considered inappropriate for a member of either the mother- or father-to-be to host a shower at the risk of appearing self-serving. Today that is no longer the case. It has become more common and acceptable for the mother or sister on both sides to host a shower.
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I respectfully disagree. While it has become more common for close family members to throw showers, I don’t think that it is any more acceptable than it was in the past.
I would add that the greater concern to me seems to be Mom’s suggestion that, due to her location away from the couple, attendants will be only/mostly her friends. It is not thoughtful to throw a shower where attendants do not know or are not close with the bride. That would really make it seem more like a gift grab and would be uncomfortable for everyone.
I also disagree with EPI. It is not appropriate for family members to solicit their friends for items that they should be providing as the family. I have heard that one way around this rule, which very much still exists, is to throw a “shower” like event and only invite family members, and call it a family party. Then you circumvent the rule by making an occasion out of what the family should be doing anyway — providing for own of their own — but do not involve friends who do not carry that obligation.
Either way, it doesn’t matter — if the parents of the father are uncomfortable throwing the party, they shouldn’t be forced to do it.