Open Thread

by epi on July 19, 2012

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Dionne July 20, 2012 at 5:54 am

My partner and I have been invited to my best friends 40th birthday and we have also been invited to my partners friends engagement party on the same night!!! I have never met the engaged couple and my partner has only met his friends fiance once. The parties are over an hour apart in distance but both start at the same time. We are deadlocked as to what to do. I have suggested catching up in a more intimate environment with the engaged couple on a seperate occassion so that we are still acknowledging their engagement as well as getting to know them better (being my first meeting). We received the save the date for my friends 40th weeks prior to the invitation to the engagement. What is the right thing to do??? We are at a stale mate.


Chocobo July 23, 2012 at 11:59 am

Have you already responded to one of the events? Then that is the one that you should attend.

If you have not responded to either, my inclination is to go to the party that sounds better to you, and please respond immediately to both so it does not appear as though you are weighing your options. You cannot go to both with that kind of distance between the two of them.

Engagement parties are nice, but it’s the wedding that is the truly important event. You can certainly decline to go without great offense. Your idea of catching up with the engaged couple in an intimate way some other time is a lovely alternative. Perhaps you should invite them over and treat them to a nice dinner at home as congratulations. It would give you the opportunity to get to know the couple as well.


Chocobo July 23, 2012 at 12:02 pm

I wanted to add that getting a save the date earlier than another invitation isn’t an obligation. The purpose of save-the-dates is to let invitees know of an upcoming event so they can plan if need be, but it is not a requirement. Otherwise we’d all be calling “dibs” on other people’s dates years in advance. It is not an invitation which requires an immediate and non-revocable response, so the fact that you got the save-the-date first shouldn’t make any difference in your decision.


Alicia July 20, 2012 at 8:51 am

Well a few valid options
1. If you RSVPEd for birthday party before getting the engagement party invite then you are obligated to birthday party.
If you did not RSVP for either event yet then
2.You could go to your friends birthday party and your partner to the engagement party and each explain that the other had a commitment but is so happy for the engaged couple/ birthday person
3. You could go to the engagement party as weddings are a bigger deal then birthdays which occur annually.

But if you have RSVPed to either event that becomes unbreakable.
In either case I suggest having the person or people that you do not go to the party of over for dinner.


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