Open Thread

by epi on July 5, 2012

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }

Leachk July 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

When inviting people to a shower or party at a resturant in honor of a bride or friend and you arent going to pay for the guests meals and drinks how should you word this on an invitation.

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Just Laura July 5, 2012 at 10:12 am

One wouldn’t issue invitations for something such as this, as there is no host/hostess.

Have you considered having the shower or party at someone’s home to save money?

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LeachK July 5, 2012 at 10:23 am

We discussed doing that, however we each have smaller apartments that wouldnt accomidate the 30 + people attending. We decided to do it at local resturant in town because it was close for all guests and that way she wouldnt need to open her gifts infront of people, she has a fear of her reactions to things, (mainly expressionless)

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Alicia July 5, 2012 at 10:30 am

If the bride does not want to open gifts in front of people then really skip the shower idea entirely. Gifts are typically opened at showers and failure to do so is likely to cause hurt feelings. The other option is to cut the guest list back to the size that can be accomidated and or afforded. But it sounds like the bride would not enjoy a shower so skip it.

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Just Laura July 5, 2012 at 10:40 am

Here are some inexpensive shower ideas that I personally have seen that didn’t require having the guests pay their own way (because if they are paying their own way, they aren’t really “guests”).

- Have the shower in the reception area of a church. Tea/punch and sandwiches or cookies may be provided.
- Have the shower in the back room or private room of a restaurant. The hostess can let have the restaurant serve certain preset items within a budget (soft drinks and appetizers, for instance).
- Have the shower in a local community center (my friends in the military commonly do this). Bring your own treats and drinks.

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Jody July 5, 2012 at 10:56 am

I have an addition to JustLaura’s excellent response. LeachK, do any of your apartment complexes have common rooms that can be rented by tenants? I’ve rented the common room at my apartment complex; the charge is minimal and there’s plenty of space to accommodate guests. My common room has a full kitchen, but even if yours doesn’t you can still have cake/cookies and punch.

Alicia July 5, 2012 at 10:27 am

A shower needs to be hosted as you are asking people to bring gifts, and asking them to bring gifts and pay for their own way is not kind. So if shower you need to host and that can be cheaper as in someones home or cutting back on size of group.
In terms of a party well that is not hosteded either if you are not paying. The wording is something like “We are going out with Jill to Delicious resturant at 7 pm on Friday please join us. If you have never been to Delicious before they are at 123 street town city zip and the entrees range from about $15-25 and drinks $2 beers with their famous mojitos $6. Please let me know if you can join us so I can make the table reservation”
But for something like that the guests gift is attending and paying their own way

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Wendy July 5, 2012 at 11:35 am

During a Jewish wedding reception, when is the appropriate time for the Hora to be played? Before dinner service begins? After dinner, just before the party begins? Or later in the evening?

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Elizabeth July 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Since the hora is a festive dance that is danced by everyone (or most everyone), the best thing to do would be to have it after dinner (when the regular dancing is done), and to do it early-ish but not first, so that the older people who want to join can do it before they leave (they might tend to leave early). Normally you do not do a big dance before dinner that everyone participates in. Sometimes they’ll do the bride-father dance and the groom-mother dance while dinner is served just to get it out of the way.

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Alicia July 5, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Additionally you want people safe and later in the evening the comsumption of alcohol is likely to have gone up and thus people less steady on their feet and more tired.

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Alicia July 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

Oh and try coffee /bagel shops when I lived in an apartment we did a middle of the day party for a friend at a bagel shop. Coffee bagels lox cake it was simople and the place was empty that time of day so the owner was happy to have us in to throw the event

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