1. Barb

    I have a question about community theater. My has it changed over the years. I recently attended a picnic where a girlfriend of mine was distributing small business cards for an upcoming play that she was in at a small local theater. I noticed she only gave the cards to the ladies present, and not to the men in our circle of friends. She also tried to change the subject when my husband asked what the play was about. After looking up on-line, I found out the show my friend is in is a very, very R-rated show, with at least one scene where the cast is undressed. Now I pride myself on being very open-minded and I can appreciate, and have seen some very edgy plays, so I’m okay with it. But I was curious, was my friend subtly suggesting that she didn’t want us to bring out husbands? Should we not bring our husbands? Should my friend have warned us up front about the content of this play? Should I not even approach the subject with my friend and just enjoy the play? Curious what others think.

    • Elizabeth

      It sounds like your friend is a bit conflicted about her participation in the play, and seems to be uncomfortable at the prospect of her friends’ husbands seeing her naked on stage….. or perhaps just uncomfortable soliciting their attendance?

      In any case, it is her decision to participate (obviously) and if your husband wants to accompany you to an evening at the theatre, I see no reason why he shouldn’t. Since your friend hasn’t said anything explicitly, I would just assume that her discomfort will resolve itself over the course of a few performances (she’ll get used to it or drop out). It’s not as if she can stand outside the theatre and turn away all male theatergoers. I would not personally not bring up her behavior at the picnic and just go and enjoy the play. I agree that it is odd that she was not more upfront about the play’s contents, but that is probably another symptom of her own discomfort.

      Note to actors: don’t participate in anything you feel uncomfortable performing in front of others!

    • Alicia

      I think the message is that she is not comfortable with her male friends seeing her naked. I would not attend or attend without male friends.

  2. Elizabeth

    It sounds like your sister is trying to design an event that is the most convenient for her without considering the impact on other people. Luckily, you are not obligated to do exactly as she wishes — you are not obligated to throw her a shower at all. Her husband’s family could certainly do it.

    In any case, it’s important for you to figure out what you want to do, what you’re willing to do, and what you simply can’t/won’t do. If the weekend she proposes is too difficult for you and your mom/grandmom, then simply tell her that it won’t be possible, but that the week of X would work well. If she refuses, then you can just say, “I’m sorry that’s the case, I won’t be able to come up for it then.” If she can draw her lines in the sand, so can you.

    In terms of the location, etc, that is something to be negotiated. It would certainly be cheaper to have a shower in her home (versus in a restaurant), but again – if you are going to be the host, you certainly have some input.

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