1. Joanna

    Is it ever socially acceptable to include items for the bride and groom’s child on a wedding registry? I know that in today’s world, having children outside of marriage is a common thing. However, it seems a bit presumptuous to me that the happy couple would include toys and other items for their child among their household requests. It isn’t, after all, the child’s big day, but rather that of his parents…

    • I agree with you, Joanna. I feel it would be inappropriate to parents to expect to receive gifts for themselves at their child’s birthday party, so I fail to see why the joining of two adults in this union warrants a new XBox for Junior.

    • Zakafury

      I have to disagree with the other posters. I see absolutely no reason that items for a child shouldn’t be included on a registry.

      Buying someone a blender is roughly the same as sending a check. Buying the same people a teddy bear for their daughter is also roughly the same. Is a blender really superior to a teddy bear?

      People will buy things off a registry without any personal significance. It seems more likely that someone will be genuinely emotionally invested in giving a children’s gift. So, if the parents want to list them, I think it’s a positive thing.

      • The reason I disagree is this: The wedding is about the joining of a couple (in law and/or in the eyes of one’s chosen deity/deities). Yes, I know there are families blending, but things such as towels and blenders are usable by the entire family. Placing child-specific items on a registry is inappropriate in my opinion because the teddy bear or doll is usable only by the child, and not the couple for whom the event is occurring.

        So is a blender superior to a teddy bear? Of course not; however, the blender is used by the family, whereas the teddy bear’s purpose is limited. If Grandma or Grandpa want to get Junior something for the big day to keep him from feeling left out, that’s their business. To put the child’s Christmas list on a registry for the June wedding? Eh, that’s a bit much.

        • Zakafury

          I completely understand your position, and I defend your right as the gift giver to choose housewares. I don’t think it’s necessary to judge a couple for having a wider variety than the “traditional registry.”

          It is easy to manufacture controversy here, so let’s not try. If there is anything on a registry which we would be delighted to give, then what else is listed really has no bearing on us.

          • Would you feel differently if there were gifts for Dad or older children in the family listed on a baby shower registry?
            I agree with you that if we are delighted to give, what is on the list shouldn’t matter to us anyway, but why even have a specific special event if there is nothing specific about it?

        • Joanna

          As I mentioned to the poster below and probably should have in the original post, this is not a stepfamily situation – the child in question is the biological child of the bride and groom. It’s just a matter of his parents not having been married at the time of his birth, and not choosing to legalize their union until some years later. I could somewhat understand if it WERE a matter of a stepfamily, because no doubt the child might be feeling awkward about his or her new life, the events going on around him or her, etc. But in this particular situation – and several others I’ve heard of recently – it’s a matter of an existing family, who already lives in an established household, etc.

          • Elizabeth

            If their registry seemed greedy to you, then it seems greedy. I agree that it is odd to include children’s toys on a wedding registry, and one might even question their need to have a registry at all if they’ve already set up a household. I might offer up one more option, though: is their child old enough to have taken one of those hand-held registry guns and perhaps registered for some things he wanted on the sly?

            In any case, this is the kind of thing that I would look upon in askance, but if I liked the couple well enough I would just overlook it. Unless they included the registry info in their invitation??

    • Chocobo

      As I understand it, registries should only include the pattern of the couple’s wedding china, and is only given out to guests by request. So you are correct, every day items like children’s toys are not appropriate.

  2. scdeb

    Joanna, I agree somewhat with this…but then I started thinking that marriage is a blending of two families. Sometimes there will be more than just a bride and groom. Having a few carefully selected items on the registry might be fine if they are items that will be used by the new family & not just the kids…that xbox would be used by parents & children. I’ve seen that item on bridal registries of couples many times. In these days of tight budgets perhaps a few family friendly items would be acceptable. Also if there are children involved it may have been a way to make them feel a part of things by allowing their input on the registry. I am against putting a ton of toys, equipment, etc that will be used by only the children on such a list–that is inappropriate.

    • Joanna

      scdeb, perhaps I should have specified – this isn’t a child that is being brought into the marriage and acquiring a stepparent, but rather the biological child of the both. They simply were not married at the time of the child’s birth and did not choose to legalize their union until some years later. I think I could also understand if it were a stepchild situation, in order to make the child feel more part of his or her new family and the events going on. But in this particular case, and actually a few others I’ve heard of, it’s a pre-existing family.

  3. Hope

    Joanna, I feel it is totally inappropriate. I agree with Elizabeth’s comment above about wondering why they should even need a registry if they’ve already set up house.

  4. scdeb

    Now I have to say that this is a completely different story–coming from an old fashioned upbringing, I don’t understand why the couple would even expect gifts since they have already set up a household and have a child or children. Sometimes couples need to adjust their expectations & realize that wedding gifts are not always important or necessary. Having family & friends celebrate their union is what it is all about.

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