Open Thread

by epi on June 29, 2012

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

GiGi June 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm

What is the proper etiquette for a Bride-to-be to mail wedding “Save the Date” reminder and wedding invitations to her future parents-in-laws and her future sibling-in-law? Assuming that the groom’s parents are still married and the groom’s siblings are well-employed fully functioning adults.

How would the proper etiquette differ if a future sibling-in-law had temporarily moved back home with parents to save money in this economy?

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Alicia June 29, 2012 at 3:06 pm

Assuming that the sibling is an adult they get their own invite and own save the date as they are responsible for their own social calendar. So each set of parent ( assuming married and living together) would get a save the date that would include minor children in the family. Adults living at home would get their own save the dates and invites

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Debra June 29, 2012 at 4:01 pm

My son had about 200 people attend his graduation celebration and received numerous gifts. We took our time writing down each item,…then misplaced the list. We have searched for 5 days now, but don’t know what to do. My husband suggest we send a thank you out to all we originally sent invitations to in order not to miss a thank you to someone. But some went out by hard copy, and some by email.

Please help.

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Country Girl July 1, 2012 at 4:34 am

200 people, my goodness what a lucky young gentleman. That is a rough situation. Just as an outsider,, I would say that I would feel a little hurt to receive a generic thank you if I had taken time to select and purchase a gift for someone. While the gift may have been just one of 200 to the recipient, it would feel awful as a giver to have it treated as such. I would leave that option as absolute last resort. perhaps whoever wrote the list, along with your son, could go back over the gifts received in order to try to put a gift with its giver? That might spark some recollection. You can start notes for those you remember as well as those who may have written checks with their names, but in the meantime I would definitely keep looking for that list. :)

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Alicia July 3, 2012 at 8:42 am

Well start with thinking through each item individually and trying to come up with who gave each item. He needs to then write those thank you notes. Eliminate those people from the potentials list for the remaining gifts. Carefully look over the gifts for hints of who may have given what note tucked inside ect. Then if you have tapped the collective memory of the entire immediate family then send individual thank you notes to the remaining people that attended saying how great it was to see them and how kind they were with no mention of the gift.
But the collective memory mixed with little things like cards should get you most of the way to who gave what and only a few people should be not well remembered.

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Patricia July 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

I am getting married in October and I have mailed my save the dates to all of the people on the guest list. We have had a falling out with some friends and no longer wish to invite them to the wedding. Do I need to send some note telling them they no longer need to save the date or is it ok to simply not follow up with the formal invitation? Please help, I have no idea what the right thing to do is. Thanks!!

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Elizabeth July 2, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Well, the proper thing to do would be to still send them an invitation, and allow them to decline it. But if you can absolutely not see your way to doing that, I think it would be better to simply not send an invitation than to actively rescind one. If you’ve had the kind of falling out that was obvious to both parties, then they should not be expecting an invitation. However, it’s a pretty common story around here that some people have no idea what they did to offend their friends and are quite hurt when they get “dropped.” If the latter is the case and your friends try to contact you, I would encourage you to at least be clear about why you are no longer friends (not with respect to the wedding, but just in general if it seems they do not realize you have had a falling out).

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