Open Thread

by epi on June 26, 2012

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

gigi June 26, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I live in a very small town, where most families drive to a modest vacation at the beach or the mountains. This summer, my family spent 10 days in Germany for vacation, and I am uncomfortable telling friends and colleagues this, without feeling like I’m bragging. Any ideas what to say when folks ask what we’ve done this summer, that will be taken well by others?

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Just Laura June 26, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Honestly answering someone’s question isn’t bragging. Now, if you go on about it and start showing off all your pictures and talking about how much you spent…

If you feel really uncomfortable with the topic, you might say, “Oh, we went abroad. How about you?” or use the line my parents use, “We just went to visit our son.” (He and his wife lived in Sicily until this year.)

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VFoster June 26, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Question: My son is getting married. He met his bride at college and she is from another town about 2 hours away. They are now living in another state. They are coming back to have their wedding mid-way between our towns (about 45 minutes from each home town). They are having a small wedding of approximately 100 guests. Our family would like to have a Pampered Chef shower for them. My question is concerning the invitations: As I read through your earlier Q & A’s it looks like to me that we should not invite guests to the shower / party that will not be invited to the wedding, correct? We have always lived in a small town and belonged to a small church of which I would like to invite people of the church, extended family and neighbors to attend to meet the Bride and welcome her. Is there no way to do this properly without seeming rude (or seeming to ask for a gift)? A letter could accompany the Shower / Pampered Chef invitation to explain to them about the small guest list for the wedding out of town and that at the Party / Shower they can choose to buy their own Pampered Chef item for themselves if they wish (or purchase one for the Bride), would this be improper?

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Just Laura June 26, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Good afternoon,
Your question was already posted and answered over here. Hope that helps!

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Annie June 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I am recently engaged, and I am the first of three daughters in my family to get married. My parents are going over and beyond to give me the wedding of my dreams. However, they have mentioned to me that they are a bit frustrated with my Fiance’s parents because they have not offered to pay for their part (i.e, ceremony venue, bridal bouquet, etc.) I do not know what to do. I am wondering if this type of etiquette is outdated, and shouldn’t be expected anymore. However, if it is expected, and they haven’t offered or even mentioned anything about helping, what am I supposed to do? I absolutely love his parents, however, I do not want my parents to have to pay for things they shouldn’t have to. Especially since they are already going above and beyond what I expected. What should I do? Any help or ideas are greatly appreciated!

Annie

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Just Laura June 26, 2012 at 9:13 pm

I’ve never heard of the groom’s family being responsible for the ceremony venue…? I’ve heard that they typically host the rehearsal dinner (the groom pays for the honeymoon) – have they offered to do that? Remember, we don’t know the financial situations of others, and we should never tell a person to pay for something. Perhaps they feel they aren’t getting a say in anything, so therefore won’t pay.

Still, this is a question you should ask your fiance – “Hey, do you happen to know if your side will be helping out with our wedding?”

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Winifred Rosenburg June 26, 2012 at 11:00 pm

The rules about who pays for what are no longer in effect. The current rule is whoever wants to chip in can do so as they please or not. As Laura said, you don’t really know what the financial situation with your fiance’s parents is. For that matter, it’s possible they paid for their own wedding and feel it builds character. Whatever their reason, it would be rude for you to try to push them into paying when it is totally voluntary. I suggest having your fiance mention how your wedding planning is going and include in that that you’re figuring out the budget. If they would like to chip in, they will volunteer at that point. If not, their silence will be your answer.

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Alicia June 27, 2012 at 9:30 am

The people who are responsible for paying for the wedding are the bride and groom. Anyone who helps pay other then the bride and groom it is an above and beyond gift. So it is lovely that your parents are helping pay but if there is something that they do not want to pay for you and your fiance should pay for it or you should do without. There is no obligation to pay for anything other then the bride and groom and nobody should be asked to pay anything they do not willingly offer to pay.
Yes your parents are paying for a lot they should not feel obligated to pay for and that is a lovely gift to you but it is your wedding and your resposibility.

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Amy June 26, 2012 at 7:03 pm

I recently got engaged. I will be 41 when I get married. This is my first wedding and my Father is still living, however, he has alzheimers and I think he would be more comfortable if he did not have to walk me down the aisle. He won’t have an understanding of what is going on. My question is, since I am an older bride, is it ok if I don’t have someone walk me down the aisle?

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Just Laura June 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Who walks you down the aisle (or who doesn’t) is entirely up to you. Some have their mothers, some have brothers, others have a best friend. I walked myself down the aisle. :)

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Heather June 29, 2012 at 2:31 pm

I just got engaged and my fiancee and I have both been married before, so we are talking about having a wedding with immediate family. But his friend is probably going to give us an engagement party and about 500 people are goin to be invited. My question is do we register for gifts? We were both married before and most of the people invited to engagement party will not be invited to the wedding.

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Alicia June 29, 2012 at 3:04 pm

No you limit the engagement party. All those invited to all prewedding parties should be invited to the wedding.

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Winifred Rosenburg June 29, 2012 at 3:23 pm

I agree with Alicia. Also, you should not register for gifts for your engagement party because engagement party guests are not expected to give gifts.

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