Q: My Mother has pointed out several times that the wedding reception is hers to decide on. She feels that since ‘she is paying for it’ (most of it), that ‘she is the one who decides everything’. The only say I have is about the colors and the design of the cake cutters. As she put it, ‘the host and hostess decide what, when, where, and how things are to happen at the reception, with consideration of the Bride.’ With everything that I have read, I was under the impression that my fiance and I were the people who ‘host’ everything, and that we were the people that all the decisions were made through. My Mother said that the ceremony is ‘mine’ and that ‘the reception is the party that she throws to introduce us to the family as a couple. Therefore, we have very little say in what happens at the reception, much like any showers people throw for me. I am considered the ‘honored guest’ at both of these occasions.’ I guess my question is ‘Who is supposed to be the ‘host and hostess’ of my wedding, and how much ‘say’ do the people involved actually have in what goes on, and ‘who’ should be the people involved? Please help me, I’m at my wits end. I just don’t know what else to say to her or how to explain it, because (as she sees it) I have no understanding of the matter and what I want isn’t as important as what she wants to have happen because she is the one hosting the event.
A: It is traditional for the hosts to be the ones who are paying the expenses. However even though your parents are the hosts, it is yours and your fiance’s special day – not your parents. As such, you and your fiance should be able to have a say in the planning as long as your wishes are within your parents’ budget and both sides should be willing to compromise.
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