Timing Trouble: Conflicting sibling weddings

Q: My fiance and I have been engaged since last summer and set our date for this fall (first week of October) four months ago. His sister just got engaged last week and is intending to get married in August, which we feel is too close to our nupitals (e.g. 6-8 weeks before us). She never called us to consider our thoughts on her desire to pursue this time frame and has made it clear that she plans to move forward, despite the fact that we communicated our feelings on the matter. She believes the two weddings have nothing to do with each other, although two children from the same family would be getting married within such a short time frame. Furthermore, she feels entitled to do what she wishes because this is her ‘big day’. Is there a proper way to go about this? Should she consider our plans and feelings in the process? Is there a rule of thumb that is considered appropriate when it comes to timing of weddings and only siblings?

A: This is always difficult, and there is some conflict when relatives are shared and have to travel. If they can only afford to travel once, the person who pre-empts the others wedding may have those relatives in attendance when they otherwise would have attended the second one. A way around this is to send Save the Date cards before her invitations go out. This gives relatives notice that they will have to make a choice, and leaves it to them, when otherwise they may not know about the second, in this case, your wedding. If you see this as a real crisis, then your fiance needs to talk to his parents about what to do, since it is their relatives that may be most affected. Otherwise, it is unlikely that there would be too much conflict in the two weddings being held two months apart.

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