Q: My 13 year old daughter hangs out with the neighbors when she is alone with her mother. I don’t mind a casual conversation ,but I feel there is no deference between adults and child. I feel any one over the age of 18 is an adult. The neighbors are about 24 years old each. The 24 year old female neighbor talks about how cute boys are and other conversations that I think peers should talk to each other about. My daughter gets into adult conversation and jokes around with them with off color jokes. I don’t think she should cross that line with adults no matter how much they feel like peers. I don’t feel she should be hanging out with adults and not respect the boundaries of the ages. She imposes on them and asks them for things. She says they are friends, but I also think this is a line that should be crossed with respect to them being adults and not family.
These neighbors also drink pretty heavy. What is the etiquette on a thirteen year old hanging out at parties with or without alcohol with no other kids present even though they are our neighbors?
At any occasion. What is the etiquette on a 13 year old getting alcohol from the fridge or passing it on from one adult to another adult? and with respect to that question, What is the etiquette on a 13 year old offering and bringing alcohol to a known or unknown guest who walks into the home. I feel this is not her place and adult business should be left to adults.
A: Your concerns are very valid and your daughter is in a situation that can be too influential, in a negative way, in her young life. She should not be passing alcoholic beverages, or “hanging out” unsupervised, or in the company of 20-somethings who don’t understand the difference between a child of 13 and their age. There is a vast difference between 13 and 24, in life experience and maturity, and it is not positive for your daughter to have this be a strong influence in her life.You need to make certain that instead she has age-appropriate activities with children her own age on a regular basis. If this is very difficult, or you and her mother disagree, certainly elicit the help of your daughter’s guidance counselor to find other, more age-appropriate activities for her.