9 Comments

  1. Bill B

    My wife and I have dinner every month with another couple who are coworkers and we really enjoy the company and conversation when we get together. Just recently my wife went on a strict diet plan and does not eat dinner past 6 pm. I wanted to let the other couple know prior to us making plans for dinner, out of respect for them in case they would feel uncomfortable eating in front of someone who wasn’t having a full meal, but may pick on a few things from my plate. My wife just expected to go out and the other couple should respect her wishes to not eat. I offered to ask the other couple to do a brunch instead but my wife got upset. My wife believes that I respected the other couple more than her. I insisted that I represented her too and that we were showing respect to another couple but letting them know of any changes in our eating arrangements.

    Did I do the right thing or is my wife right?

    • Zakafury

      I think you did the right thing. I would find it awkward to plan a usual dinner and find one of the people invited wasn’t eating. Even if she really wanted to be there at that time and wasn’t hungry, I would feel strange trying to edit comments about the food out of a conversation over dinner. Your brunch suggestion or Alicia’s early dinner idea are both good solutions.

      I don’t know why your wife would object to a change. I would try to find out why she felt like she was competing for your respect with this other couple, especially since her main request was accepted as non-negotiable.

    • Jerry

      Bill —

      You’re right, you’re wife is wrong for all of the reasons Zakafury said. It’s weird to go out to dinner and not eat anything . . .

      And I’m not quite so sure why your wife is so upset. Low blood sugar from a weird diet that prevents people from eating after 6:00?

    • Bill B

      We both work till 5-530. During our regular workweek she prepares her food the night before so she doesn’t have to come home by 6 then cook and eat by 7. The other couple needs time to go home and clean up too, we both have jobs that require us to wear uniform and we get a little dirty.

      My wife felt that we shouldn’t have to change our routine just because she is not going to eat. I don’t have a problem, but felt the other couple should be made aware of it just in case they did. That to me is simply showing them some consideration to the changes in the ‘atmosphere’ which they may not like and then we can make adjustments accordingly.

      • Alicia

        I agree that going out to dinner with somone who could not eat during that time due to diet would make it seem like there is a judgement on everyone else who is eating and that those others must be horribly unhealthy. I would feel alkward eating if a friend who had agreed to dinner said at dinner that she was not eatting due to some diet and that we should all eat. It woudl be like a new vegitarian agreeing to a steak place and then annoucning that she thinks eating meat is wrong. It would ruin my meal and my evening if a friend did this to me by making me feel judged and guilty for eating and honestly i woudl be left with a impression that I was horribly fat(ok yes I could lose 20 lbs). If I was hostessing the dinner I would be also left with the impression that my hostessing was not to her standards and she was snubbing me.It is unlikely that wife is thinking this about friends but that is the impression that may be left. I think that you need to at least heads up the friends that wife does not intend to have dinner. A switch to brunch, lunch during the weekend or switching to an after dinner activity go bowling dancing out to drink beer and listen to music . Or the other option is that wife could relax the diet rules. Planning to not eat at dinner seems like one should just not do dinner.

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