Open Thread

by epi on March 22, 2012

Welcome to the Etiquette Daily

This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

grace March 22, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Is anyone else always anxious about whether or not someone will receive your thank you note? Especially if they gave you the gift in person. Is it bad etiquette to ask if they received the note? It always feels weird, but I want to make sure!


Elizabeth March 23, 2012 at 9:27 am

Generally, a thank you note isn’t required if someone gives you a gift in person – presumably you’ve thanked them then. However, when you do send one, you should free yourself from worry – the mail doesn’t lose things often, and the receiver of the note has no reason to respond back to it. You have released good karma into the world, so rest easy that you did the right thing and be on with your life.


Winifred Rosenburg March 23, 2012 at 9:47 am

No, it isn’t bad etiquette to make sure it wasn’t lost in the mail. Just make sure you ask in a casual way that doesn’t risk implying the person should have responded somehow to the thank-you note.


Country Girl March 23, 2012 at 11:08 am

I sometimes get anxious as well. =) Usually instead of asking if they got the thank you note, I will instead thank them again either in person (or by email) and perhaps mention “I dropped a thank you note in the mail for you, but just couldn’t wait to thank you again for the lovely potholders for my birthday. I have sure gotten a lot of use out of them already!” This way you are being extra thankful, and if the person hasn’t received the thank you card, they will at least know one was mailed.


Mary Jo March 25, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I absolutely disagree with Elizabeth. A thank you note is always required. Even if it seems like overkill to you, it is not to the person who was so thoughtful. They have gone to the effort of selecting something for you or having you to dinner or doing something nice for you, a note is the least you can do. It needn’t be effusive but can be chatty and fun but a thank you, none-the-less. If you think of someone doing something nice for you as an overture to continued friendship, you would want to do whatever you can to encourage that. A response in confirmation of that friendship.
However, once sent you should forget about it. Trust the mail.


Bella March 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Yes, mail rarely gets lost. I personally do not like when people ask me if they got the thank you card. It makes me feel like they are patting themselves on the back. Although, I do like the idea of confirming it was received by reiterating the usefulness of the gift – nice touch.


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