Q: I am headed to a destination wedding in St. Maarten. I have already bought an engagement gift, bridal shower gift and bachelorette gift. I am flying to the island and staying there four days for the event. Do I need to give another gift? If so, what amount of money is appropriate? (I usually give $100 per attendee.)
A: Weddings and the preceding events often involve gifts to the couple, especially if you are an attendant or a close friend. An engagement, shower, bachelorette and wedding gift may be appropriate if you are a bridesmaid or a best pal. Past gift-giving customs dictated a separate gift for each event, but, with the possible exception of a wedding gift, these gifts were not as elaborate or as pricey as they are today. For example, an embroidered handkerchief or a set of dishtowels were considered acceptable shower gifts. Today, kitchen appliances and implements are more the norm. At a certain point, common sense says enough is enough, as is the case when a guest is invited to multiple showers and isn’t expected to take a gift to each one. You have already given this couple numerous gifts, not to mention the gift of your presence at their destination wedding, which many couples consider to be their wedding gift. Depending on your budget and your closeness to the couple, I say you do not need to go all out on a wedding gift, too. That said, there’s plenty of gray area here. Since you don’t necessarily need to give the couple another gift, the question is whether you want to give them one. If you do, then instead of worrying about the correct amount of money to spend on the gift (for which there is no guideline other than your budget and your affection for the couple), think of something they might enjoy after the wedding. That might be a “Welcome home!” bottle of Champagne or a photo book made from pictures you took over the wedding weekend. Think about your friend and what feels good and right for your relationship. In any case, enjoy the wedding and be there for your friend and her new husband.
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My husband and I were married in a small civil ceremony last month so that we could be together in the UK while he is finishing his PhD. Because of the quickness of the event, only immediate family could attend and we both come from large families. Following the ceremony, we sent out marriage announcements to those we wished could have been there and stated that when we move back to the States this summer, we would like to have a much larger celebration with our friends and family. What is the best protocol for following through on this type of celebration?
Host a party. Any type of party you would like to have. Wedding has come and gone but a 6 months anniversary party or something like that could be charming and fun.
I have been invited to a friend’s bridal shower/bachelorette party, but have yet to receive an invitation to her wedding (other friends have received invites). I’m not that close of a friend to her, but have attended other showers of hers as well. Her wedding is a destination wedding, but not out of any means unreasonable and within driving distance. My real question is, is it rude to invite someone to your shower but not your wedding? In all actuality, she isn’t paying for her shower, but is paying for her wedding. I keep hearing it is rude or it’s justifiable. I just don’t know anymore.
Good morning, Stephanie – yes, it’s impolite to invite someone to showers but not to the wedding. The only time that rule might be waived is if there is a workplace shower (not that I agree with those, but they are a reality). It’s akin to saying, “I like your gifts, but I don’t really want you at the actual event.” It doesn’t matter who is paying for showers/wedding. However, if you enjoy attending the showers and it doesn’t bother you to not attend the wedding, then don’t worry about a thing.