163 Comments

  1. Diane

    I was told that the engagement ring goes on second, with the purpose of ensuring that the wedding band can’t fall off.

    • Starla

      I agree with Jodi. I’ve always understood the band takes over for keeps where the engagement ring was a place holder for the real thing, closer to your heart.

      • Sarah M

        I was told once that the band goes closer to your heart (because the wedding means the most to the woman) and the engagement ring is closer to his heart (because asking you to marry him and giving you the engagement ring was from his heart). I guess for the most part, any of the “etiquette” for how to wear the ring is just things that have been told and passed down for generations anyway. lol

        • Marilynne

          I was always under the belief it was the only finger where the vein goes directly to the heart. You want your wedding ring closest to the heart and it’s also the ring typically blessed, unlike your engagement ring. On your wedding day, the engagement ring is worn on the right hand and transferred back to the left hand ring finger once the ring is placed on your finger and it was never meant to be removed (like that never happens, right). So I was intrigued enough to look up more on the subject since these are changing times and this is what I found.
          Main article: Wedding ring
          Before medical science discovered how the circulatory system functioned, people believed that a vein ran directly from the third finger on the left hand to the heart. Because of the hand-heart connection, they chose the descriptive name vena amoris, Latin for the vein of love, for this particular vein.
          Based upon this name, their contemporaries, purported experts in the field of matrimonial etiquette, wrote that it would only be fitting that the wedding ring be worn on this finger. By wearing the ring on the third finger of the left hand, a married couple symbolically declares their eternal love for each other.
          In Western cultures, a wedding ring is traditionally worn on the ring finger. This developed from the Roman “anulus pronubis” when the man gave a ring to the woman at the betrothal ceremony. Blessing the wedding ring and putting it on the bride’s finger dates from the 11th century. In medieval Europe, the Christian wedding ceremony placed the ring in sequence on the index, middle, and ring fingers of the left hand. The ring was then left on the ring finger. In a few European countries, the ring is worn on the left hand prior to marriage, then transferred to the right during the ceremony. For example, a Greek Orthodox bride wears the ring on the left hand prior to the ceremony, then moves it to the right hand after the wedding. In England, the 1549 Prayer Book declared “the ring shall be placed on the left hand”. By the 17th and 18th centuries the ring could be found on any finger after the ceremony — even on the thumb.

    • Beth

      I agree with Jodi and Sarah M. Also, from childhood I was told the rings are reversed (the engagement ring closer to the heart) if she becomes a widow. My mom was a young widow and flipped her rings as a symbol of this.

    • Marquis Christian

      I agree! That is the real reason the wedding band is wore chose to the heart. Not because you women were engaged first. The engagement is not a covenant, it can be broken. A covenant is between man and God. Contracts can also can be broken, covenants are for a life time, because marriage is an institution joined by God. However, you have the right to do as you (we) please!

  2. Elizabeth

    I’d be curious to know how many people wear their engagement ring and/or wedding ring daily? My rings are of two different metals, and so I’m not supposed to wear them together regularly. Plus, my engagement ring has a thicker band, making wearing them together not super comfortable. Lastly, my engagement ring is pretty blingy, so I only wear it on special occasions, preferring to wear my wedding band daily.

    • I wear both, but the stones match (green!), and the wedding band is a more modestly decorated band that belonged to his late grandmother. Nothing that would get in the way of typing. My mother, however, does not wear her engagement band as my father purchased for her a new set on their 30th anniversary. It looks like she wears both as she sports two rings, but neither was the actual engagement ring.
      What an interesting question – I too would like to hear what others do.

    • Jennifer

      I wear mine daily. After we got engaged and were looking at wedding bands, we made sure to find one that matched the engagement ring as well as a wedding band for him that would match my set. I’m going to have them fixed so they will stop rotating separately sometime in the future. We’ve been married 2 years on may 21st and I still don’t like taking them off.

        • Joni

          I’ve been married 20 years and have never taken my band off (no matter how mad he made me. I work a lot with my hands gardening and baking so I do occasionally take my engagement ring off because I don’t want anything to happen to the stones. Which leads back to the first question-I wear my band closest to my heart and the engagement ring outside.

      • Steven

        I know my wife wears both her bands all the time, even though they are made of 2 different metals. Her engagement ring is 10k gold and her wedding band is sterling Silver. She takes them off maybe once a month to have them cleaned by a jeweler, unless she gets the urge to clean them at home (in 2 separate containers of baking soda and water for a little while works wonders).

      • Danielle

        I wear both daily, but when were looking at bands we wanted mine to match my engagement ring and his to match the general color (regular and black diamonds).

      • Taran W

        I’ve been married for two years on May19th of this year. I agree with Jodi and I have found this very informative. I also think it looks better with the engagement ring on top. The wedding band seems as if it’s a base for the engagement ring.

    • Maureen

      i never take my wedding ring off.only time i do is when i an taking them to the jeweler to get cleaned or re dipped

    • Kristy

      I wear my rings everyday. I keep my wedding band on 24/7. My 10 month old loves to play with my engagement ring because its so big. I love my rings. 4 years later and I wear them everyday. The only time they get taken off is when they get cleaned or when they get inspected to make sure there is no loose stones.

    • Melissa

      I wear my wedding band close to my heart with the engagement ring on top of it. I only take them off when applying lotion, and then I put them right back on. It is symbolic to me, to never take them off. This is just my feelings about it. I love being married and have the world’s most wonderful husband, so to me, taking them off would be a sign of disrespecting my marriage. But like I said, this is just my opinion. Others are free to feel differently.

    • Casey

      My husband bought mine as a bridal set. He gave me the engagement ring when he proposed to me and we put the wedding ring up until we got married. With the rings being a set, they are super comfortable to wear together and look fantastic together, so I wear both of them every day.

  3. Toni

    Q. Our son is getting married and the future in laws are not contributing to the wedding. My wife and I will be paying for half of the wedding expenses. Since we are considered hosts and they are not should we follow the traditional rules of the brides parents and just apply to the grooms parents? It seems like they just want us to pay for the wedding and they still want to act like they are the hosts and keep my wife and I out of the loop. Incidentally, their guest list is larger than ours!

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      Hosting is not related to who pays. The bride’s parents are still eligible to be the official hosts even if they aren’t paying. If you feel you are being kept out of the loop, I suggest asking your son to act as a liason between the two families so he and his bride can encourage his future in-laws to keep them in the look and relay any information to you as well.

      • Barbara

        In what world do you live in?! The host of a wedding is the person or persons that pay for it. That is why invitation companies offer different wording on invitations based on who’s hosting.

      • Tammy Rose

        Winifred, sorry but you are incorrect. Wedding invitations are sent and worded as to who is hosting. For example The parents of so and so would like to invite you. If the bride and groom are paying then it would be Miss so and so and Mr. so and so would like to invite you.
        Toni, in this instance…take the high road and send invites with the names of your son and future daughter in law, if they are paying half.

        • Winifred Rosenburg

          Look up host in the dictionary. It says, “a person who receives or entertains guests at home or elsewhere.” Nothing about who pays. Wanting credit on an invitation for paying is thoroughly unclassy. The credit the person who pays gets is a thank-you note, in this case from the bride and groom. That’s it.

          • Cheryl

            If his parents are paying are they not the ones entertaining guest?? Do not see anywhere it says the wedding is at her parents house so unless that is the case then they are not hosting anything therefore they have no claim on the invite…. By your definition.
            I agree take the high road and use the bride and grooms names as the host for the wedding.

      • Alex Wells

        I got married recently and both parents contributed financially so we had both sets as the hosts on invites. Maybe something like this would suffice? Not particularly traditional but it ensures no one is left out. Maybe put your names first though ;-)

    • Alicia

      Paying does give you an ability to say this is what we are willing to pay for and this is what we are not willing to pay for. So you can say max numbers of people. You get a ton of say in where your money is being spent. The guest list should be limited by the max number affordable and then the guest list should not be either set of parents to decide but instead should be the perview of thebride and grooms to decide. I never understand the parents creating the lists. The bride and grooms know who their family is and who is important on both sides and can weigh 2nd cousin vs college friend of mom better then anyone else.

    • Shannon

      I recently married on 06/01/13.. I being the bride had issues with my husbands parents financially contributing. I will say that out of respect for my parents, i did not feel that his parents should be recognized for anything more then being his parents. I have to say, that it is only right that the one footing the bill, be the one calling the shots, of course with the bride and groom involved. Personally, as a bride, i would never be ok with my parents making the call and not contributing! I understand some people can not afford it, but come on, everyone can make some sacrifices to put a little away.

      • Syd

        I have to agree with you 100% Shannon, I got married 07-09-2013 and it was exactly the same. Grooms parents didn’t even suggest on helping us with anything/contributing to any of the wedding it was rather upsetting as my folks was more than willing.

        • Nonnie Mowse

          Syd, I was in the same situation with our wedding back in the 1980s. I kept waiting to hear when and where about the rehearsal dinner, and the complication was my in-laws were divorced. I finally, as carefully as I could, brought it up with my future FIL, and he had no clue that in-laws had traditional responsibilities. Neither did my future MIL. They were just never taught. Things haven’t changed much since then either, since they both view things like this as put downs from people who weren’t poor, even though we were far from rich. Just middle-middle class. But my family is generally about 12 years ‘older’ than theirs, and were more city folk, and just were in an area where etiquette was the thing to know about apparently.

      • Shannon Do you know for sure they didn’t want to help financially? Traditionally when a woman gets married her family is responsible for the wedding cost. What did she do or say to make you feel his mother wanted to put in her opinion. I had a son that got married on the same day you did, his wife’s name is Shannon too. My son was upset with us about something totally different and wasn’t speaking to his parents doing the planning of their wedding. My son didn’t ask us for anything and also I didn’t go there trying to have input in anything. I will tell you as a parent & going into a marriage. I would not want to muddy the waters. We did give them a monetary gift the day after the wedding as a present. If they had a problem with the amount I hope they will come to us, instead of blogging the business to the world. Wishing you all well. God bless this union.

    • Barbara

      I am assuming that the couple is paying for the other half of the wedding? If this is the case, the couple is technically hosting their own wedding. Since youare aassisting with the expenses it would be a nice gesture for the couple to include you in the planning stage of the wedding, however it is not an entitlement. I do feel as it is unfair that the bride’s guest list is larger than the groom’s. Since neither set of parents are hosting the wedding, the guest lists should be equal unless her family is considerably larger. A compromise would be to give the parents a set number of guest they can invite, not including immediate family and they pay for any additional guests over that number themselves. The bride and groom can decide on how the remaining guests will be divided. Hope this is helpful!

    • colin

      your son should pay, and if you want to contribute then fine, as for the in laws, make sure the guest list is your sons and his future wifes. if they would not get a Christmas present, don invite them.

    • Kayla young

      My understanding when I got married was the person who pays is the host. My husband family boycotted out wedding and made the last couples months leadin up to the wedding horrible. That we eloped with my parents blessing my uncle is a preacher, so we had him do it for us. What made them extra mad was when the invitations went out it had my parent name on them and not his parents. Since my parents were paying for everything even the reharsel dinner , they got made and did they best to break up the wedding. Been married three years and wear my rings everyday. Engagement ring on top of wedding band.

    • lavender

      FYI I paid for the entirety of both my first weddings, right down to the cost of getting my father to another state to walk me down the isle…. I paid for EVERYTHING and it may be strange but because everyone else was broke and money doesn’t have a hold on me (dont misunderstand, I’ve never really had any, but saved for my wedding), I can’t remember it ever mattering to me. I’ve just married for the last time, didn’t pay anything and it’s amazazing that its so obviously different and has the longevity to last ourlifetimes : ) good luck!

    • Howard

      That is why we eloped. My wife’s family lived 6 hours away, refused to contribute anything yet insisted the wedding be upstate where they lived. So we went to the courthouse instead. My parents were a bit miffed that we eloped but they were happy for us and threw us a party with both families invited. My wife’s family did come down; her father stayed for 20 minutes and her mother and brothers stayed for an hour or so then left They’ve only come down to visit twice in 15 years even though we offer to pay all travel expenses every year.

  4. When my sister got married they went the traditional way. The brides family paid for everything with the exception of the flowers, alcohol and the rehearsal dinner. My sister and her fiancé were given a limit on the number of guests the groom could have and the total limit the could invite. My parents just ask for 3 couples who were very close to the family be invited the rest was for the couple to decide. They had 100 people at the wedding. My parent’s set the limit since they we’re paying for the majority of the wedding.

  5. Kayleigh

    I’ve just got married and I prefer to wear my engagement ring first and then wedding band second. Lots of people especially older people keep telling me I’m wrong but I’m not fussed as I feel it’s more comfortable and looks nicer this way. My wedding band has rubies and diamonds in it so I don’t know of this affects the appearance in any way it appears to sparkle more above the engagement ring rather than below it.

    • Kimberly

      I wear my rings the same way. For my engagement ring to have been sized they had to add 2 little balls to it so it would fit. Which resulted in it leaving marks on my finger. I also feel it looks prettier this way since my wedding band has diamonds in it and it would be over shadowed by the engagement ring. I also never took my ring off to get married my husband didn’t want me to. He said it looks nicer this way.

  6. Tha diva

    I wear my engagement ring first then my band. The order i got them I’d the order i wear them. But it is up to you.

    • Misty

      I was raised that you wear them in the order you got them… Hence the wedding ring is closer to the tip of my finger to refer to “sealing the marriage”.

      • Nerissa

        That’s what I was told 2, the engagement ring is the promise of marriage the Band seals the deal. Plus if you have a set it just looks better that way.

    • patty

      I was always told to wear in the order that you recieved them engagement first then wedding ring last,I was married 1970 and thats the way i have always heard……….

  7. Toya

    I don’t understand why its such a big deal on how u wear your rings the best thing 2 do will be to wear them according 2 how comfortable it feels on your hand. I always said your engagement ring should go on first since it was the first ring your partner purposed followed by your wedding band since that will be the second ring that he place on your finger

  8. wendi

    My new husband said he had heard the wedding band goes one way if your married still and one way if your spouse is deceased?? Anyone know anything about that ?

    • Chocobo

      To my knowledge, there is no rule that dictates how widows and widowers should wear their wedding bands after their spouse has deceased. They may certainly choose to keep their wedding bands on in whatever order they choose, for as long as they choose.

      • Alicia

        Wedding rings generally go the same way if married or widowed. However if a widow or widower wishes to switch them around then that is their prerogative as they may wear them however they wish and as long as they wish ( until replacing the rings with new engagement or wedding ring for a future spouse in which case it is tacky not to remove the rings from your prior marriage)

        • Kim

          I’ve heard if your spouse is deceased you’re suppose to move yor wedding band from your left hand to your right hand

          • El

            Widows and Widowers are supposed to wear their wedding bands on their right ring finger, not keep them on the left. When this is done however, is at the discretion of the living spouse and when they feel comfortable moving the ring off of the traditional wedding finger.

    • TaShara

      I was told by my 93 year old grandmother that your band goes on first because both bands where blessed at the time of your vows and it is cloest to your heart. If you out live your husband you switch them to indicate your husband is deceased.

  9. Paige

    I wear my wedding ring first, then the band….and I never take either of my rings off…unless I’m putting on lotion or using strong household cleaners. I don’t believe either will do much to either of my rings, but I just feel more comfortable taking them off during that time.

  10. Jess

    This is a very big argument with the girls in my family…some believe the wedding band goes on first to be closest to your heart..yet I agree with my mothers argument that the engagement ring goes on first and then the wedding bands to seal the marriage..also it’s more logical to wear the rings in the order in which you received them instead of taking them off & putting them back on again

    • Bailey

      I agree. I will wear my band on the outside to seal the marriage. Plus, I never take my engagement ring off and I don’t want to start on my wedding day.

  11. Brockwest

    Re: Groom’s parents paying, bride’s parents taking credit and inviting the world

    This is a touchy subject. In Victorian days, the Bride’s parents would still be listed on the invitation. You look around the web now, and basically invitation sellers are willing to phrase it any way you want.

    I have a problem with the Bride’s parents taking credit AND running up the tab.

    Possible solutions: 1) Invitation can say Mr. and Mrs. John Doe will to announce the wedding of their son Jim to Jane
    2) Wedding Program can say the same
    3) Groom’s parents have a very strong right to restrict the guest list to X number of people (basically the number they themselves are inviting) and tell the Bride’s parents that they will need to front the money for invitations over that amount.

    That being said, this can set up future difficulties, and fights. I’ve found in life that those who don’t pay their way but want credit are the very same people who get offended easily. So you have to weigh if it’s worth it.

    Other considerations are WHY the Bride’s parents are paying….are they financially insecure whereas the Groom’s parents are secure? Have they already paid for a first wedding? Are they upset?

    Without more information, it’s hard to give an absolute answer. It does seem quite unfair for them to be taking credit and using the Groom’s parents as their personal credit card.

  12. Donna

    I wear my wedding band first then my engagement ring I guess its because the band has more meaning to me since thats the ring he put on when we became one. Honestly I never knew there was a right or wrong way

  13. Meka

    I always thought you should wear your engagement band first and wedding band last. When the groom slides on the wedding band its “completion of the promise”, or “sealing the deal”, whichever you want to call it. But, I love this topic, the views and reasoning are interesting. I may switch up my bands to see who responses.

    • Janice

      I have always worn engagement ring first! I heard you take off your engagement ring as that brings bad luck when getting married! So I wear engagement first followed buy the wedding band:) I guess it’s personal preference as how to where them, but for me I like them much better this way

      • Arielle

        I like the idea of the engagement ring first. It was your initial promise to marry your husband after the proposal. Then the wedding band seals the deal.

    • Vellencia

      I’m getting married in just under 8 weeks. It’s all very exciting & stressful & just a big jumble of mixed emotions. Reading about how everyone feels about the order of rings on ur finger has been very interesting & for me personally, although I love the old school explanation of wearing ur band first then ur engagement ring because ur band is closest to your heart but I’d prefer to wear my rings in the order I received them. Engagement ring first the my band which is actually part of the set as I feel the band will seal the deal & the promise made. Plus I think it will look nicer. Because of how I feel about this man I am about to marry, I don’t think I will ever take my rings off because I feel that would be disrespectful of my future husband & the symbolism of our vows but that may change after we’re married although my love for him won’t & if it does it’s only because that love has grown stronger.

      • Ruth Peltier

        You will be taking off your engagement ring to clean it and check that the stone is still secure. That is one reason I wear it after the wedding ring which I have never removed

    • Alicia

      A widow may wear her rings as she did before the loss of her husband as long as she wishes(unless or until engagement to another man)

      • Mikki

        I was always told the wedding band goes on first, then the engagement ring, and that a widow should wear the engagement ring first and then the band.

        • El

          Widows and Widowers are supposed to wear their wedding bands on their right ring finger, not keep them on the left. When this is done however, is at the discretion of the living spouse and when they feel comfortable moving the ring off of the traditional wedding finger.

        • Jane

          I`m the one that asked the question, and I moved them to my right hand and my wedding band is now last or I think men should know the difference so they know when rebound is over they can step in…..

  14. Short Cake Ramsay

    my wedding set are totally separate from my engagement ring. i wear the band to the back and the other to the front, my engagement ring is worn on my right hand. my wedding set is worn everyday however the engagement is worn along only only special occasions.

  15. Valencia Minter

    I’ve been married a year on Valentines day and at first I wore my engagement ring first but I recently got a new set for our anniversary and the person who sold it to.me said to wear the band first to keep it close to your heart and the engagement ring second. I see slot of older married women wearing it this way so it must be right.

    • Rebecca

      The guy doesn’t get an engagement ring just a wedding band but the wedding bands are supposed to match

  16. Sari

    In Germany we wear our wedding rings on our right hands.

    I wear the wedding band first, then the engagement ring.

  17. Brenda

    The wedding band goes on first and then the engagement ring because once you get married your wedding band can take all the punishment of washing toilets and changing diapers and your diamonds can stay safe til you go out or go back to work. When I got married my wedding band went on that day and it was on my finger until I separated from my husband 18 years 11 months and one week after getting married. As for the wife and husband having matching bands… my second husband wears his fathers wedding band which is yellow gold and my wedding set is new and is white gold.

  18. Sarah

    I wear the band first because my engagement ring is a heart-shaped solitaire and isn’t centered on its band so my weding ring balances the look better when worn first. I had heard that the band should go first to be closer to the heart but these days many wedding sets are designed to be worn as the designer planned, usually band first.

    • shelly

      I had my rings cleaned one time at a jewelry store and I put them on with the engagement ring first and the lady told me that is how widows wear them, so of course I switched it.

    • Alicia

      Usually it is a widow who wears their husbands ring that way or a son or daughter who has lost their father and wears their fathers ring that way.

  19. Nancy

    I wear mine wedding band then engagement. When we were planning the wedding we found a ring set that we liked and had the engagement stone reset into the wedding set. It solved the problem of the engagement ring not matching whatever we decided we wanted.

  20. Bridget

    I wear both of my rings 365 days a year. My bands are the locking bands that match one another! I only take them off to apply lotion, showering and washing dishing, & when I get my nails done.

  21. Ruth

    I was told by the priest that on the day of the wedding I should not be wearing the engagement ring on my left hand because the band is to be placed st the time of the vows what those bows represent.

  22. Ashleigh

    I wear my engagement ring first and my wedding band second. I like the reasoning that the wedding band seals the deal! But honestly I do because it looks better and because my engagement ring is a half size too big and my wedding band keeps it secured! I don’t think it truly matters which way you wear it. Either way you are still married!

  23. Leslie

    I wear my engagement ring first and then my wedding band. (I’m not sure that it actually matters, because if it did, they wouldn’t sell the enhances that the engagement ring fits into, ya know?) And I wear them everyday and only take them off to shower. My wedding ring and engagement ring are “welded” together, if that’s what you call it? It keeps them positioned the right way, together, and they don’t get ruined by rubbing on each other.

    • Mrs. Collins

      Soldered is the word you were looking for. ;) It is generally pronounced “sod derd”. And, yes, it has the same general concept of welding, although it is different.

  24. Just_Me

    The wedding band goes first because the wedding/marriage is the bigger commitment. According to tradition in some countries (derived from Roman belief), the wedding ring is worn on the left ring finger because the vein in the left ring finger, referred to as the vena amoris was believed to be directly connected to the heart, a symbol of love.

  25. shelly

    I always thought that the band goes first closest to the heart, and the ring is a circle which signifies eternity. You will spend eternity with that person.

  26. Melchior!

    First you get engaged, afterwards you get married. The wedding band seals the engagement. So the way to wear them is the engagement ring first and then the wedding band.

  27. Judy

    I just got married a few days ago and started noticing others peoples rings. I changed my rings, so now my wedding band is first and my engagement ring is second. I did this for practical reasons. If I am gardening or doing diy, I can take off my engagement ring that has 3 diamonds, and make sure I dont damage or lose a stone from it, this way I don’t have to ever take my gold band off.

  28. Sarah

    I’m glad I found this on google it’s been really helpful, i’m getting married in less than a month and my matron of honor has been insisting that i’m supposed to wear my band first so it’s closer to my heart, but like many have said:
    1) because my engagement ring and band didn’t come as a set they don’t quite fit together but the band looks better on the top
    2) I HATE to take my enagement ring off, I don’t even remove it to clean or paint, I took it off for a week a couple of months ago to get dipped and it drove me crazy, so i really don’t want to take it off on my wedding day, plus I like the suggestion that the band should go on second because it’s the second ring you get and because it “seals” the marriage. Thanks for all the help.

  29. Bernice

    I was told that your engagement ring stays where it is as was placed on your finger by your future husband and that the wedding band is added secondary to actually complete, finalize, and “seal the deal” so t speak when it is placed on the finger. Hmm. Where did these traditions come from? Did we all just make them up?

  30. C.r

    My mother told me you should give the maid of honour the engagement ring to wear on your wedding day to trick spirits who want to bring misfortune to the bride :p no idea where thats from and shes not one for ghost stories lol

  31. Iris

    When i got married. My step mom told me the wedding band goes first cause its closest to ur heart :) i liked that so i kept it that way :)

  32. Mrs. Collins

    My engagement ring is my late Grandmothers engagement and wedding rings blended into one. My wedding band is new. After a scare in which we thought that we had broken the diamond, we store the engagement ring in a safe and I only wear it when I am dressed up. I am actually more comfortable in my band as I work in hardware. When I do wear both I wear the band outside of the engagement ring only due to sizing. If they both fit properly I would wear the band inside of the engagement ring. (It’s just so much more comfortable! ) Interesting question though, I had never really thought about this.

  33. Rachelle

    When you get engaged that ring stays on your finger during the ceremony the man places the wedding band on top of the engagement ring that is the proper way and yes I wear my rings all the time

  34. Taitox

    Ive been married for nearly six years and have always wondered which ring shuld go first so this has helped i have always had my wedding ring first for me but up to the-individual no wrong or right

  35. Kirsten

    I get annoyed when people tell me how to wear MY rings. I have my engagement band with the stone, then my wedding band. My logic was first comes love, then comes marriage. Or that the promise was made, then solidified with the marriage.
    Either way, wear it how you want. It’s just a symbol. The real marriage is the love and dedication you put into each other!!!!

  36. Trice

    I got married February 14,2013 I was told the bride parents pay for everything in someone told me to wear the engagement band first as a promise in the wedding band second to lock the promise in.

  37. Sarah Holmes

    I got married this year and the jewellers also told me to wear the wedding band closest to the heart with the engagement ring on top. My real question is though is . . .If I were to get an eternity ring . . .what order would I wear all 3?? (If I was lucky enough one day to get an eternity ring as the jeweller said its usually after 10 years of marriage, although many ladies get an eternity ring after the birth of their first child).

    • Monica

      I’ve seen it wedding band, engagement ring, then eternity band. Not sure if this is correct, but just the way I’ve seen others have their rings!

  38. Wedding band goes below the engagement ring because its closer to the heart. Wedding band represents the commitment, engagement ring represents the courtship.

  39. Sarah

    I always wondered. My personal opinion was that the engagement ring went first because you become engaged first then you get married. I am happy to know the way to wear it.

  40. alexandra

    I have a promises ring and an engagement ring, I currently wear my engagement ring first and the promise ring “on top”. my question is, is it inappropriate to wear all three after i get married next month? I would feel incomplete without them all, but it doesn’t feel right wearing my promise ring on other fingers or opposite hand.

  41. Crystal

    I wear both of mine but, we had them soldered together after the wedding so they would not pinch my finger. I always wear mine and on the rare occasion I forget I usually have to go back home to get it because I am lost without it.

  42. elizabeth

    When we were married two years ago i asked this very same question to the minister that did our wedding.. the response i received was: traditionally band first ring second on left hand; however, neither is correct/oncorrect. I wear mine band first and have a raised ring setting on the engagement ring this just looks better to me and is much more comfortable with my set since the band is thicker than the engagement ring. Just my personal preference, no one way is right or wrong, i even havefriends that wear theirs on the right hand due to religous family tradion even though they themselves are not orthodox jews.

  43. Billie

    Omg look if you are of good religious faith the engagement is just that (a promises to marry) that is not to take the place of your wedding ring that is blessed by your clergy and put on your finger as a vow to you .OK so your engagement ring is not blessed and is not part of your vow . So no your vow band is first unless you wish yo be engaged for ever. Come people with the exseption of different country.band first promiss.ring second.as for taking them off kinda up to you how you feel about that.weddings if you pay you should say so and if the other party can contribute also say so.but by no means humiliate anyone so yes find come ground for the happy couple please it is their day.BEKind to each other.

  44. Hannah Dees

    I have heard that you wear your wedding band closest to your heart. I have also heard that if you wear it opposite with the engagement ring on bottom and wedding band on top that you are a widow.

  45. Karen

    I just married my second husband last week in Jamaica (Nov.16th/13). Like the first time, I wear the wedding band first and then the engagement ring.

  46. Elle

    I have always heard that you wear the band first and closest to your heart, firstly because it is the blessed ring, and secondly, because the engagement ring is to protect the wedding band as a symbolic protection of the relationship even though it is typically the more expensive ring.

    Widows in my family switch the position of the rings to wear the wedding band outside, towards the tip of the finger, during the first year after the death of their spouse, and then on the anniversary of their death, moved the band to the right hand, to symbolize moving on, the continuation of life, and the remembrance of their loved one. The engagement ring has either been fashioned into another piece of jewelry, or passed down to a younger generation.

  47. shak

    I was taught by my grandmother.that the band goes.on after the.engagement ring and.it.had.nothing.to.do with your heart. It symbolized whether.your husband was alive and behind the.ring meant you were a widow.

  48. Lavender

    I’ve been divorced, twice….. After many years of deciding being a single mommy wasn’t so bad, I was swept off my feet. Five years later he has made me his wife in the most magical whirlwind of a year long engagement and everything is as it should be. However, showing off my rings today I’m told I was wearing them wrong.. nowadays I Google everything and came upon this page… Thank you everyone!!! My engament was the most beautiful moment my husband could ever have given me, My grandmother who all but raised me, as I did not have a mother, passed away on my birthday the first year my husband i were together, and shattered me, broke me and my birthdays after were spent pathetically sad in bed all day. Until, this amazingly loving man secretly planned a birthday party for me with as many of our family and friends as possible and after searching for the perfect ring he gave me back my birthdays, my happiness by proposing to me!!! The ring is an amazazingly beautiful piece with 3:9 diamonds set upon hearts and inscribed inside with the words past, present, future separated by more diamonds! A year later when i found out he had secretly coordinated our entire wedding weekend I knew without a doubt it would be magical!! I bought him an engagement ring for Christmas which he wore everyday and because I didn’t have time to purchase a band for him he wore the same for the wedding, I was happy to wear a closely similar quality of white gold band that had belonged to my grandmother for my wedding band. I have not removed my engagement ring since receiving it other than to moisturize, so it seemed natural to have my ring in place during the ceremony and when the time was right he placed the band on my finger….. I’m going to consider all I’ve learned since being told it was backwards, I’ve always been  lil backwards so  may choose to leave the engagement holding the stones on the inside as if protected. However both my grandmother and my husband r closest to my heart the other way….. Hhmmmm much to consider.

  49. Iesha

    All good advice. Its great to have people share story’s and opinions especially for someone like myself who will be married Feb. 2014. Thanks STEVEN for the at home cleaning tip!!!!

  50. Carol

    I have been married for nearly 40 years . I have a very large gold band which I wear on my left hand. I have a 3 stone diamond ring (30 years) which I wear on my right hand. I also have a white gold set, 2 ring gards with a single set diamond in the center. (35 years) and an eternity band which I sometimes wear with the 3 stone ring on the inside on my left hand. (25 years) When you have been married as long as I have any way you want to wear them all ends up saying the same thing. You love the man who gave them to you

  51. Julie

    Is it proper to wear the wedding band in front – put on last – of the engagement ring? My daughter just got engaged and her future mother-in-law told her that was proper? I never heard of that? I’ve been married for 30 years though, so I’m sure things have changed. LOL

    • Elizabeth

      Usually the wedding band goes on first, then the engagement ring. But personally, she should wear it any way she likes – however it looks good or feels right. My engagement ring band is rather thick, so if I wear them both together it’s pretty uncomfortable. These days, I don’t break out the engagement ring unless its a special occasion, but lots of people love to wear them daily.

  52. Gemma

    I got married 4 years ago and on my wedding day I moved my engagement ring onto my right hand to make room for my new life with my husband who is the closest to my heart therefore my band which is the exact same as my husbands is worn closest to my heart as is his.. my engagement ring was then put on top to “seal the deal”

  53. Juanita

    I got married March 2006, my husband and I paid for everything. We agreed when we say I do the only pending expense would be the hotel for our honeymoon. That way we did not enter into our marriage with a lot of wedding debt, and no one else would need to have any say, just come and share our day with us. We agreed on the same number of guest based on the venue, once a guest RSVP’d, we added additional guest based on space. I where my rings most days, sometimes have to remove due to moisture rash (only for day or 2). I where my band first because I was told it is suppose to be closer to the heart. Did not really understand that, followed it and looked up explanation later down the road. It is still working for us, no one else have a say in our relationship or home. Best wishes to you all in you marriages

  54. Coco

    I’m an oldtimer from New York and was told where I grew up that the diamond was first so the wedding band protects it from falling off!!!
    Just like when a couple walks down a street, the women walks closest to the building so when people threw garbage out the window she would be the one hit with it and the man walks closest to the street to protect the women from any drive-by shooters!
    OK! lighten up the second part is a joke!!!

    • Brittany

      I agree my wife and I have been married for a year now and both of our grandmothers told us to wear them that way!

  55. Brittany

    The wedding band should be worn closest to the heart I think. My wife and I have been married a year and both of us wear them that way. We obviously did not have a traditional marriage but when I asked my grandmother she said that her grandmother told her to wear hers with the wedding band then the engagement ring. When my wife is at work she wears just her wedding band as she doesn’t want to scratch anyone. She takes it off in her car right before she walks into work and puts it on before she even starts the car and that is the only time she ever takes it off. I very rarely take mine off and when I do its only to get them cleaned. My mom on the other hand wears her ring with the engagement ring and then the wedding band. She has never given me a reason why so I’m not sure there is one. But, I agree with those saying that it’s the couples personal choice and they should be able to wear them the way they want. Good luck!

  56. Donna

    Makes sense, When I got married my husband put my wedding ring to my left hand and then so i just transffered the engagement ring from my right to the left. so my wedding band is the first ring on my finger which I never take off unlike my engagement ring which sometimes I don’t really wear because I feel like its going to fall off so I wear it and sometimes I dont.

    • Pook

      In conservative Judaism, the engagement ring never leaves the left ring finger. In the ceremony, the wedding band is placed on the ring finger of the right hand. No one wears it that way, so we put it on top of the engagement ring, which “seals” the initial commitment of engagement, and now marriage.

  57. Barbara De Voll-Leja

    The wedding band goes on first because that’s the one that is closest to your heart that’s what my mother told me.

  58. Mimi Marte

    What wonderful sharing. So many love stories!

    We’ll be married 46 years. For the first 15 we had matching bands, then he gave me an enchncer with a great aunt’s diamonds, his mother’s diamonds in a beautiful design and our original wedding band fit inside! For our 35th he gave me a beautiful Gelin Abaci engagement ring, the jeweler made own band which I did not like as I wanted rose gold to match the other ring. For our 50th am designing my own wedding band. I prefer engagement ring first. He is a dear and wants me to look at my hand and know he loves me. I knew it even when it was just the wedding band.

    Re: couples parents paying etc. don’t get distracted over petty issues. Trim the list to folks that you love! Our son’s first wedding was paid by her parents who thought they knew all etiquette etc but “forgot” to tell us about the photos, gift opening and at shower did not show honor to both mothers. We paid for the video which she refused to view or choose music and pouted thru entireity! A neighbor experienced same at her sons wedding and summed it up best,”they tolerated us”! It was a beautiful wedding but there was not kindness nor respect …sorry for the wounds our son’s heart received but relief when she left! He said later, he knew it was a mistake right after he asked her but didn’t know how to stop the snowball! She was an EngagZILA !

  59. justina

    My bf bought my rings and i have a three band set one before the engagement ring and another band after so how many rings do i receive when he purposes?

  60. Red

    Yes the wedding ring goes on finger first! But do not have them soldered together (from someone married for 43 years!! When first got married it was either the diamond or the wedding – I chose the wedding! At 5 years he bought me a very pretty clustered flower type diamond grouping! To have it fit to my wide wedding band we had it go over the top of the wide band and soldered in that position-but just a small solder on the backside of my finger. At 35 years he bought me the most beautiful diamond solitaire! To get my small cluster flower diamond off my wide wedding band they had to remove the side decorative edges from my original wedding band! At first we discussed one edge and soldering-but decided it would look better removing both decorative edges and I didn’t want it soldered again!!! Who knows-he might decide to get me even bigger and fancy (although he knows I like more the plain ones) for our 45 or 50th anniversary!!!! Love jewelry and a girl (even an old one) can always hope!!! Always wanted a really good Omega Necklace and got that on our 40th! Don’t solder them together!!! You may be sorry!!!!

  61. Alison

    My grandson is getting married. His mother (my daughter) passed away a few years ago, and my grandson’s father is absolutely destitute. Who should contribute to the wedding? Should I on behalf of my daughter, or should it be up to the future bride’s parents? I would really appreciate some help on this.

    • Elizabeth

      Traditionally speaking, the bride’s family paid for the wedding and the groom’s family hosted the rehearsal dinner. Today, though, unless parents step up to help their children with wedding expenses, the onus falls on the couple themselves to pay for their own wedding. One can’t give what one doesn’t have (or can’t afford). If you can afford to do something, it would be lovely for you to host the rehearsal dinner, and if you can do more, I’m sure the couple would be ecstatic about any contribution you might be able to make, whether it’s paying for a specific thing (like the flowers or photography), or if you gave them a lump sum to do with what they wanted. You are certainly not obligated to do so, but if you have the means it would be a memorable and loving gesture to contribute in some way.

  62. Leslie

    For those of you who think that hosting a wedding has nothing to do with paying for a wedding, what in the world do you think hosting means?

    • Leslie

      …and my 2 cents on the wedding ring, engagement ring question is simple. When you’re getting married your left hand is supposed to be bare ; then the wedding band goes on; you then put your engagement ring back on after it and there’s the order. If you choose to change it after that it’s on you, but if you keep it as it were on that wonderful day, then the diamond goes on top.

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      As stated earlier, “a person who receives or entertains guests at home or elsewhere.” Look it up in the dictionary.

  63. faye baker

    We have been married 45 years and the custom might have changed over the years, but when we bought our ring set you were definitely supposed to place the engagement ring on the finger before the wedding band. My wedding band is notched to accommodate the wedding band. It could not be worn the other way because they would not fit together properly.

  64. Veronica

    Wedding band is to be placed closest to the heart is what I learned from matriarch in my life. That is where u weary wedding band.

  65. chyna

    Your wedding band goes on first to be closest to your heart. that’s why you are not to have your engagement ring on at your ceremony. after the ceremony is over you slip your engagement ring back on.

  66. Jasmine

    The wedding band goes on first because its the band that never changes and is therefore closer to the heart. The engagement ring , even thought its a forever thing, does get upgraded so it’s not as important or constant as the wedding band. At least that’s what my Minister told me when I asked him before getting married.

  67. leanne

    My way of thinking is his close enough to your heart when he put the engagement ring on your finger and even closer when he slides the wedding band on. But his even a great one when he decided in his life his willing to take a woman and three kids in and love them no matter what. I’m that woman with the three kids but I wouldn’t ask for a better man. I don’t care how I wear my rings just as long as long as all the other men in the world know I’m taking by one of the GREATEST MAN in the WORLD.

  68. 510Donna

    When I was married 33 years ago, we couldn’t afford an engagement ring. We chose a diamond and sapphire band with two gold “guard bands” on either side. After our mothers died, I added their simple gold wedding bands to my three rings. I wore all 5 for a good 25 years. Last year, I fell and broke my wrist and, despite the best efforts of the ER doc, my rings had to be cut off. A good friend’s daughter is an up-and-coming jewelry designer in San Francisco, so we took all the rings to her and TODAY I received 3 new rings created from the five bands I gave her. Two guard bands using the diamonds and sapphires from my original ring and a band with a small (.75 carat) antique diamond. I treasure the fact that I still have my original rings plus my mother’s and his mother’s rings on my finger. They just look a little different!

  69. Candy

    I’ve been with my husband for 5 years. We were engaged for a year and a half and just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary yesterday. The only time I ever take my rings off, is if they’re being cleaned, or if I’m going someplace where they might get lost if they fell off my finger. I’d rather keep them safe at home. For example we went to Ohio to a water park called Kalahari in February with our friends for a 3 day vacation. I left my rings home incase they slipped off in the water. Considering it happened to a woman while we were there I consider myself lucky. Otherwise I never remove my rings.

  70. Sarah Westhavan

    My husband and I have been together for fourteen years & married for ten. I wear both my rings every day, wedding band first and engagement ring second. They are not matching and I love them both. I take off the engagement ring only when i am cooking or cleaning. The wedding ring is a simple gold band, which matches my husband’s. I only take it off to clean or once to have it resized. My engagement ring is silver with a small diamond chip. It is not fancy but I would never trade it for the anything. The ring had been his sister’s, she passed away years before we met, God rest her. My mismatched set of rings are intensely precious to me, not because of what they are made of, but of what they represent. A true and lasting love and friendship that we as a couple are blessed to have found in each other.

  71. Shawna

    OK here’s my dilemma. My engagement ring and wedding ring are a matching set of 14 kg yellow gold. I wear my wedding ring first as it’s closest to my heart and was blessed when we married. Recently O.C.D has kicked in and I am not able to wear silver earrings, necklaces or watches due to I can’t bring myself to mix metals. My husband is very understanding and his resolution to this has been to order a sterling silver eternity ring so I can wear them stackable. My quirk is going to wear my wedding ring first, eternity ring second and engagement ring lastly. So I have silver in-between yellow gold. But curiosity has me wondering if there’s a proper way to wear them ?

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