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The Gift of Good Manners- Get Kids Talking – “What Would You Do?”I love talking with kids about manners and etiquette. The biggest challenge is getting started. One way to get them talking is to pose a question and ask them for their ideas. I would never start with, “Hey, let’s talk about manners today.” Any kid I know would blanch. However, I might ask: So you are […]
- French Fries – How Do I Eat Them?There are many foods that present a classic dilemma for diners young and old. The question is, “fork or fingers?” The answer is sometimes definitive – you definitely eat your peas and mashed potatoes with a fork. That’s a no-brainer. But how about french fries? It’s a sometimes fingers/sometimes forks answer: If the food the […]
- New Possibilities in a New YearHello All, A new year is an exciting time. It offers all sorts of possibilities and a fresh start. 2012 is particularly exciting in the new possibilities it offers me. After 12 years co-directing the Emily Post Institute with my brother Peter and my sister-in-law Peggy (married to a different brother), I am retiring from management […]
- Get Kids Talking – “What Would You Do?”
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Please help! My stepdaughter is getting married in a very small wedding with only her parents and their spouses. Is it proper to have a shower when no one will be invited to the wedding?
It has been mentioned several places around the Emily Post website (as well as Miss Manners, I believe) that guests who are invited to pre-wedding parties should also be invited to the wedding. Many people might feel slighted that they were good enough to purchase a gift for a shower, but they failed to make the cut for the main event.
Absolutely not. Only those invited to the wedding should be invited to the prewedding parties since nobody is invited to the wedding there is no real ability to throw a prewedding party. However, if you would like to host a welcome to the family party for the groom in honor of the happy couple after the wedding and this is something the couple would like that may be a nice event. But it has to be after the wedding so that people do not assume that they would be invited to the wedding and this welcome to the family type party is not a gift giving event.
You could throw an engagement party for your stepdaughter, but calling it a shower would be quite impolite.
I’m thinking you could find some wording about how the bride will not be engaging in great fanfare, but you personally would still love to celebrate.
Engagement parties should also be restricted to guests that are invited to the wedding. It’s less offensive than getting invited to a shower but not the wedding, but I would still be hurt. Alicia is right. The only way to have a party is to do it after the wedding.
I think I would be quite baffled if I were invited to a shower or an engagement party, but not the wedding. I would think my wedding invitation had been lost, or that I had offended the couple between one event and the other. But I’ve attended some nice “post-wedding” parties, particularly for destination weddings. Then, when what’s going on is clear, it’s nice to be included.
I received a gift from my cousin, Susan, who is married. She signed the card with only her name. When I write my thank you note, do I address it to her only, or to her and her husband? Thank you for your swift reply!
Addressing a thank-you to whomever’s name is on the card is always a safe bet.
Either way, it’s the thought that counts. I think thanking them both is the better option. Her husband will surely not be offended at being thought of.
Send the card to your cousin mention the husband and kids if any in the text.