1. Laura

    I have been perplexed on an issue and really don’t know how to deal with it. The other day my husband and I decided we would go visit his daughter who lives about two hours from us. He has another daughter, lives in the same city as we do and we see her frequently. She came to know that we were going over to see her sister (it wasn’t a secret), called us and was very rude and the tone of her voice was of pure contempt that we hadn’t asked her to come along. We knew she was scheduled to work that afternoon, if she had come along we would have had to rush home so she could have made it to her job on time. She is quite capable of going to see her sister anytime she would care to. We don’t get to spend a lot of one on one time with the daughter who lives away from us and we wanted to make it about her, just have a nice leisurely day. This isn’t the first time this daughter has been extremely rude to us about something she feels we are doing wrong to her. I have talked to her about this before. I need some advice on how to talk to her about her behavior, maybe give her something to read, she is almost 22.

    • Hey, Laura – great name. :)
      From your post, I am guessing these are not your biological daughters. Therefore, I suggest that your husband (their father) do all the scolding rather than you. And it sounds like this young lady may need some scolding. It is rude for one adult to demand invitations from another adult, even if everyone is family. You and your husband wanted to visit “Betty.” You weren’t dishonest and hiding anything about this little trip. Other Daughter decides that this is a big deal, and injects her own drama into the situation.
      Bottom line, Laura: You didn’t do anything wrong. Neither did you husband, nor the other daughter. My father would say this to me, if I were unnecessarily rude to him, “Why don’t you try talking to me again when you’re not being unpleasant?” Allowing her to be rude over the phone is enabling her. Allowing her to make you feel bad about a situation where you did nothing wrong is enabling her. Don’t allow her to do this.

      If you must speak with her, let her know that if she wants everyone to get together as a family for a visit, then she is welcome to plan something. If she simply wants to see her sister, she is an adult and is welcome to do that. As it was, you all hadn’t seen “Betty” in a while and wanted to plan a very casual visit.

      As far as something to read, Emily Post’s 18th Edition just came out, and Amazon offers free shipping.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *