7 Comments

  1. Winifred Rosenburg

    The gift I gave my husband was I paid for the flight for one of his close friends to come to our wedding who was unemployed and wouldn’t have been able to come otherwise. My husband gave me monogrammed stationery with my new name. I think we both loved our gifts!

    • Alicia

      Most people are right handed. The knife is thus on the right as it is the sharper instrument and needs more careful wielding. The position on the right already taken by the knife the poor fork is religated to the left side. I do not know if Emily Post was right or left handed.

  2. John

    Our fourth child will be married in April. My sister and her family have been invited to the previous three weddings, and will be invited to this one as well.

    While she and her family attended some of the previous three weddings, she and her family have not given a wedding gift for any of the previous weddings.

    While she is not as well off as we are, she is not impoverished. We feel as if even something small would be nice.

    We have given generous wedding presents to her children for their weddings.

    How should we handle this situation? Should we say something in advance? Or afterward if there is no gift? Is it our role to get involved, or is it between our children and her?

    Thanks for any guidance you can provide.

    • Alicia

      You handle it by not saying anything or thinking about it again. She is being invited not for the gift but because she is the aunt of the bride or groom. Although one tells a guest that they should give a gift one should never ever expect gifts. So stop keeping a mental tally of gifts and enjoy your sister and her family as your sister and family and congrats on your childs wedding.

  3. E Safranek

    My son and my future daughter-in-law advised me that they do not want people attending their wedding to bring gifts and asked my advice on how to handle the situation. My suggestion was to include in the announcement that they would prefer no gifts but if anyone truly wanted to recognize the union with a gift they should give to a charity and provide a suggested list on the invitation. They fear that may only press people to do both. I have checked various ettiquite sites and all of them insist that some kind of gift — money or something tangible — be given. This does not fit their situation. They just want to have a the event celebrated with friends and family. They want to be foot-loose-and-fancy free and figure a lot of stuff will complicate their lives. They also have little space in their current apartment and many of their friends are recent college grads paying off college loans with low-paying jobs. What do you suggest and what is the best way to explain this on an invitation.

    • There is no polite way to mention gifts, even a lack of them, on an invitation. Please don’t list charities – your guests may not agree with them, no matter how noble they seem to the happy couple.

      In the old days, word-of-mouth is how the new couple conveyed their needs/wants. These days, some couples choose to register at a store or two, and if guests want to know where the couple is registered, they check the wedding’s website, or ask the family of the bride or groom. In your case, this can work as well. If your son and FDIL have a wedding site, they may include their gifting preference. Or, as my husband and I did, we simply told people “we don’t believe in registries. In fact, just bring yourself. No gift necessary.” In total, I believe out of the 35-40 people who attended, only 5 brought gifts (a couple sent gifts to the house). Remember, even if a set of unneeded towels or a blender is given, these items can always be donated! Many families in this tough economy would love to have unwanted wedding gifts.
      I don’t think your family will have too much to worry about, other than having a wonderful time with their family and friends!

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