Resident Rules: Significant others and sleeping situations

by epi on December 16, 2011

Q: I invited my son’s girlfriend for Christmas.  They’re seniors in college and practically live together- but I want them in separate rooms.  What’s the best way to communicate this?

A: Talk about the sleeping arrangements before their visit.  Simply say, “We’re planning to have Sheila stay in the guest room.”  It’s unlikely your son’s girlfriend will want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way.  If he thinks you’re being unfair or old-fashioned, so be it- your house, your rules.

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

Zakafury December 16, 2011 at 10:48 am

This is sound advice especially since they are “practically living together,” not actually living together. You are not being at all unreasonable.

If they do move in together after graduation, you might consider letting them share a bedroom on visits. It is, of course, still “your house, your rules,” but expect to encounter some resistance from your son if it bothers either of them. Also, don’t be offended if they opt for a hotel instead.

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Sara Anne December 16, 2011 at 11:12 am

Definitely tell them (or just your son) beforehand that you’ve made up the guest room for his girlfriend. As someone who is “practically living” with my boyfriend, I would appreciate knowing the house rules before-hand, and certainly wouldn’t mind following them–but arriving at the house and in the first few minutes having to have the conversation about separate bedrooms would be awkward. This way, I just know what the plan is, and say “What room am I staying in?” and everything is smooth

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Alicia December 16, 2011 at 11:25 am

They may even be more confortable in seperate rooms. I know I come from a family where boyfriends ( we are all girls) get seperate rooms until marriage. When I went and visited one of my exes parents I felt very wierd and uncomfortable that they gave us the same room. He was spending most night at that time at my place but it was still alkward and I would have been more comfortable staying in seperate rooms around his parents. At the time I discussed it with a bunch of my girlfriends and several of us felt that way. So if you want them in seperate rooms under your roof just say something assuming that that would be it like that you were putting fresh sheets on the guest bed or that you were going to set him up on the couch in the den and give her his old bedroom or whatever. present it as fait acompli and just a discussion of the planns for the weekend.

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