Open Thread

by epi on November 8, 2011

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This open thread is your space to use as you like. We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

Karen November 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm

I have family coming for my daughters appearance in the Nutcracker. (I have previously posted about this dilemma) I have been very open with all of them regarding their visit and how I will likely not have much time to spend with them. I was thinking that it would be a nice gesture to give them all small momentos or gifts of appreciation for coming and understanding how busy it will be. What are some nice simple gifts that I could give to them? Or is my home and food a big enough gesture??


Pam November 8, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Perhaps the gesture could come from your daughter in the form of a Nutcracker momento…a nutcracker keychain or snowglobe or some other type of little gift she may want to give. Maybe brainstorm with her and have her write thank you notes to show gratitude for them traveling to see her in this play. I don’t know how old she is but if she can write then she should do her thank you notes with your guidance.


Jody November 8, 2011 at 6:19 pm

Home and food is definitely a nice gesture, especially at the busy holiday time.

Is this performance in connection with your daughter’s dance school? Mine has a souvenir table at its performances; if yours does, maybe they have small Nutcracker-related items you can purchase for the family members. The nicest thing might be a thank-you note from your daughter, as Pam suggests.


Lady Antipode November 9, 2011 at 12:59 am

As it’s the Christmas season, you might be able to find some nutcracker christmas decorations (eg. that hang from the tree) as a small momento.

Having said that, your home and food is certainly enough, along with your and your daughter’s verbal thanks and appreciation.


Nat Rod November 8, 2011 at 9:22 pm

If you are invited as a guest to a wedding of a friend who has chosen to marry in another country clear the other side of the world, and you accept the invitation. How much should the wedding gift be, when you are spending quite a bit to be at their wedding ? Do you get a gift at all? I just purchased your Manners for a new world…and cannot find the answer in it. Help? Flying USA to S. Africa for the wedding all on my expense.


Just Laura November 8, 2011 at 10:20 pm

If you have accepted the invitation, you accepted it understanding the significant costs associated with it. Yes, you’ll still get them a gift. The cost of the gift, however, is what you can reasonably afford.


Alicia November 14, 2011 at 9:03 am

Gift amounts are always related to your budget and how close you are to the recipient. If you are on a budget and already flying across the world your budget is already strained. Perhaps taking your digital camera along and then an inexpensive photobook with pictures from your trip or some other inexpensive but thoughtful gift is the way to go.


Mr. L November 9, 2011 at 1:43 am

In times not so long ago, to make the acquaintance of someone above your social rank, and be taken seriously, one was required to have a letter of introduction. In a world that seems to have lost formality, and in situations where often a little research can lead to recognizing someone with a higher social rank, is it ever appropriate to approach this person? How would one go about receiving or making an introduction if one does not happen to know someone close to this person?


Country Girl November 9, 2011 at 2:03 pm

The answer will certainly depend on the purpose for seeking the introduction as well as the status of the other person. Are you looking to develop a business relationship, a friendship, or quite simply a connection? Is this person a public figure, a higher-ranking person in your corporation, a celebrity, a potential client?

While you are correct in that it is easier to make a connection with someone with whom you have a mutual acquaintance, an introduction can be made in other ways. Should you see the person at a gathering (either social or work-related) an introduction should be quite simple: a greeting, an introduction, a handshake. If you are looking to make a connection another way, a letter introducing yourself and explaining the reason for your contact complete with the type of connection you seek (adding mutual benefit if possible) would be appropriate.

I would keep in mind a few things 1) Relationships of any kind should be a two-way street 2) Be honest about your reasons for seeking out their connection 3) Never mention personal details about the person that you may have gathered in researching 4) Everyone puts their pants on one leg at a time, approach someone the way you would want to be approached if you were in their position.


Brenda November 11, 2011 at 10:01 pm

We have lived in Ukraine the past 10 plus years, and took in a young Ukrainian girl who was at that time 14, a “social orphan” from an orphanage. We were not able to formally adopt her, but she’s now 24 and to make a long story short, still lives with us, but now in the USA. She will be getting married in a couple weeks to a young man here in the US, so she’s asking what wording to put on the program. We are not legally her parents, but have been her stand in parents for 10 years. Would it be best to put honorary parents? God parents? Any suggestions would be most appreciated! Thank you!


Alicia November 14, 2011 at 8:59 am

How about
Mr and Mrs Smith request the honor of your presence
at the wedding of
Sarah Ann Jones
Mr John Doe II
son of
Mr and Mrs John Doe
on Saturday the third of March
Some place some town

You are still actuing in the parent riole even though formally she is not your daughter. No need to clarify the exact relationship in the wording just remove the word daughter


Paige November 12, 2011 at 3:08 pm

I want to have a small intimate wedding ceremony but a larger reception. Is it rude to exclude some out-of-town guests for the ceremony?


Elizabeth November 13, 2011 at 12:42 pm



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