Open Thread

by epi on October 31, 2011

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Russ October 31, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Good afternoon,

Through no fault of his own, my friend had to move his wedding date up a few months and it is now scheduled before his out-of-town bachelor party in Vegas.

The groom still wants to go to Vegas as planned over the same time frame and sees no problem with this. I have a gut feeling this is not proper. Is having a bachelor party after the wedding appropriate and if not, what reasoning can I use to dissuade him? And so everyone is aware, going to an adult club is not on the list of activities.

Thank you in advance for any help or advice you might be able to offer.

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Just Laura October 31, 2011 at 1:18 pm

If the plan is simply for a group of guy friends to head to Vegas (and not participate in the more… uh, adult activities normally associated with bachelor parties), why can’t it be a simple Guy Weekend in Vegas? It sounds like a lot of fun.

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Alicia October 31, 2011 at 1:47 pm

A Bachlor party is a prewedding event. A bachlor party involves paying for and celebrating the groom with the groom as the centerpeice of the party. The guest list is based on the groom and often include non normal friend group people like the grooms brothers ect.This should happen pre wedding. If it is morphing into a normal guys weekend in Vegas well then it should not be all out the groom . Groom should pay his own way. Additionally others should be able to invite their friends and anyone who was maybe willing to spend lots of money on an expensive bachlor party should realize that they are no longer required to attend this post wedding guys weekend.
Honestly it seems kinda tacky kinda selfish and kinda silly to leave on a guys weekend shortly post your wedding to your new spouse he should be enjoying the honeymoon period with his wife.

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Zakafury October 31, 2011 at 6:55 pm

Cancelling travel plans is difficult and expensive. I doubt anyone who isn’t genuinely close to the groom and looking forward to the trip would be going.

I think it would be perfectly fine to continue with the belated bachelor party, even if it’s a misnomer. The groom could certainly pay his own way if he felt awkward about the change of plans. I think it would be tacky to hold a bachelor party before the wedding and continue to accept the trip as a gift (if that was in fact how it was happening in the first place).

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Jerry October 31, 2011 at 7:12 pm

Russ: Nothing in the rules of etiquette prevents a groom from having a “guys night,” whether he wants to call it a “bachelor party,” a “stag party,” or just a guys evening out. If the groom and and his friends can afford the evening, why not? Why would you want to dissuade him (and his friends) from something fun? If you object to the term “bachelor party” it can merely be a more informal celebration of nuptials.

Alicia: I disagree with you in part. Unless the groom turns into a “groom-zilla,” there’s nothing wrong with a post-wedding party with just the guys, even if the groom is the center of attention for that evening. Kind of like a birthday party after the actual birthday. But seeing as I just coined the term “groom-zilla”, I see very little risk of that happening. Bachelor’s parties are not like (what I understand of) bridal showers. No one is “required” to attend, and there are generally fewer politics involved. It’s just guys getting together and golfing/gaming/drinking or whatever. (Moreover, I would never ask my groomsmen to pay for my travel to somewhere for a bachelor’s party. Indeed, I put the kibosh on that right away when my brother, my best man, suggested it. So we stayed semi-local, took turns buying each other drinks and cigars, and just hung out and had a great time.) With respect to enjoying the “honeymoon period with [the] new wife”, one weekend isn’t going to wreck the marriage.

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Jerry October 31, 2011 at 7:15 pm

New topic.

Someone in my office lost a parent today. (Parent was older, probably not unexpected.) I’m not particularly close with this person, but I would say “hi” in the halls, etc. What do I do? Flowers? Card? And if card, what should the card say given that I never met parent

(And no, it is not possible to organize a group of employees to go in on something for a variety of reasons. )

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Just Laura October 31, 2011 at 7:56 pm

How considerate of you!
“I’m sorry to hear of your loss.”

Such a statement doesn’t imply you will miss the deceased (how could you?), nor does it imply any special relationship. You are sorry to hear of this person’s recent misfortune. I’m sure Hallmark has a card like that.

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Jerry October 31, 2011 at 8:09 pm

Thanks, Laura. Not to put to fine a point on things, but does your response mean that I should buy a card, write, inter alia I’m sorry to hear about your mom, and sign my wife’s and my name?

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Just Laura October 31, 2011 at 8:25 pm

I imagined that Hallmark has a card that says something along those lines, though personally, I prefer blank cards where someone took time to pen a sentence or two.

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Lady Antipode November 7, 2011 at 1:14 am

One small note. If the bereaved person doesn’t know your wife, don’t add her name. It’s a business relationship, not a social one.

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