1. Anonymous, please

    I wrote over 130 personal thank you notes to everyone who either a) attended the funeral or b) sent a condolence card. Now I’m being notified that some of these same people also sent a donation to charity in the deceased’s name. Am I obligated to send another thank you card to these people, or is the one I sent before I knew they had made a donation sufficient? Thanks.

    • Country Girl

      It is my personal opinion that one thank you note for their concern and care is sufficient. However I would urge you to verbally thank those who made a donation in the deceased’s name stating something like “I wanted to personally thank you again for being there in our time of need. I was just notified that you had made a donation in his/her name as well. How very thoughtful. We really appreciate the gesture.”

      • Anonymous, please

        Thank you for your response, Country Girl. Much appreciated. But these are people who I do not know well — professional associates, etc of the deceased. And some of them don’t know me at all, so I would never just pick up the phone and call them. Which means it’s either another note or nothing, I guess.

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      Yes you should send additional thank-you notes. But, FYI, if by condolence cards you mean a preprinted card, you needn’t have sent a thank-you note for those, only ones that are personally written.

      • Anonymous, please

        No, all were personal notes. Even the ones from people I didn’t know. That’s why I responded to them all personally. But — here’s another question — do I send the same card twice? I had cards that were prepinted on the front but then I wrote a personal note inside. These are the only cards I have. I feel kind of funny sending them the same exact one, even though what I write inside will be different. This is one reason why I was hoping to avoid a second note. Thoughts?

  2. Marsha Douglas

    My husband and I are celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary by renewing our vows, then hosting a dinner for attendees. The invitation clearly states “no gifts please.” Someone we invited declined to attend, and included a $10 check with the RSVP. I would very much like to return it with a nice note, but I don’t know if this is considered inappropriate.

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      It is generally not polite to return gifts, with the exception of gifts that are grossly inappropriate and $10 doesn’t seem to fall into that category. You can feel free to donate the money to a charity of your choice if you really don’t want it.

      By the way, gifts should not be mentioned on invitations, even to say not to bring them. There is a rumor that when an invitation says “no gifts” it means “bring a gift.” Backwards as it seems, it is possible your effort to discourage gifts has actually encouraged some.

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