8 Comments

  1. Nina

    I feel like this should be an easy question, but I can’t figure it out! I ordered a gift off an online wedding registry and the store promised to delivery it. They debited my credit card and I didn’t hear anything further, so I figured all was fine. But a month later, I mentioned the gift to the bride and she said she’d never received it!

    She said not to worry about it but of course I did! The store could not track down the lost gift, and didn’t seem much interested in trying, so they wound up just refunding my money!

    I will try to get the same item off the registry as before–now the wedding’s past, so it’s not likely someone else will give it to them if I don’t–but it will take a while to find a store with the item in stock, since I no longer trust the website.

    What’s the best thing to do in the meantime–send a note saying, “Gift failure only temporary; lovely glassware to come!” Or say nothing because people assume it takes up to 3 months to send a gift (is that even right?) Or just get something not from the registry in order to speed things along?

    This is a lovely couple and not at all pushy about things like gifts, but all the more reason to treat them politely! All insights appreciated!

    • Country Girl

      Perhaps someone can correct me if I’m wrong, but I do not understand all these “3 months after the wedding” or “2 weeks after the honeymoon” rules on giving a wedding gift. My thought is that the gift should arrive before or at the wedding.

      However the issue you face is not due to normal circumstances. I would try to find another gift as soon as possible and include a lovely hand written note apologizing that there was a gift delivery mishap and wishing the couple the best. I would also keep in mind if you ordered off a registery that perhaps the store’s registry claimed you bought the item which has prevented the couple from receiving said item from other guests, so if it is possible to get the same item in a timely manner I would do that.

      • Alicia

        Traditionally you have up to 1 year after the wedding in order to give a wedding gift. Now in the modern world there is no reason to wait a year(unless you do not expect the wedding to last a year)
        The 2 weeks after the honeymoon is when the bride and groom are supposed to have their thank you notes mailed out by.

        In this situation I would simply order the same item from another retailer and send it along with your congratulations to the happy couple.

      • Winifred Rosenburg

        You are right. The three-month, one-year, etc. rules are just rumors. You are supposed to give a gift prior to or at the wedding.

        In this case, however, since the delay is because of the store and not the person, I think it’s understandable. My sister had a situation like this where the gift she wanted to give was back-ordered, but she felt it was something the person needed so she ordered it for her anyway. The day of the wedding she gave the couple a card and wrote in the card that the gift was back-ordered but on the way. I think that would be a good solution so the couple knows you didn’t forget.

  2. Nina

    Thanks, Country Girl and Alicia! I thought the three-months rule wouldn’t really apply–and under normal circumstances I wouldn’t want it to! I’ll try to get the same gift again, and soon! Thank goodness they took a long honeymoon, but they’ll be back next week and will probably wonder what happened with my gift!

  3. Perplexed Mom

    My 30 year old son is getting married. His fiancee is an only child. My son has asked his two brothers to be attendants, but his 16 year old sister is not being asked to stand up by his fiancee. She is having 8 of her friends for attendants, but not my son’s sister. Should I say something to my son about not including her or just let it go? Don’t want to be a meddling mom/mother-in-law, but am concerned about hurt feelings.

    • As I understand it, the bride and the groom each pick those with whom they are close. Bride picks her best friend or sister or cousin, and groom may do the same (and don’t be limited by gender!). They may pick members of the other’s family, but there’s no rule saying they must. That the bride has chosen people with whom she is close or with whom she grew up over your young daughter is not a slight. Perhaps there is another place for your daughter at this wedding.
      And no, I wouldn’t say anything to your son. This is the bride’s special day just as must as it is his, and she has a right to choose her attendants.

    • Alicia

      There are two ways couples decide attendents either they decide together and then break it down on gender lines and girls on girls side boys on boys side. Or they each pick whom they are close to. Groomsmaids and bridesmen are no longer uncommon.
      It is not the bride who is excluding the grooms sister it is the groom. However there is nothing to be done. If your son is old enough to be getting married he is beyond the mom tells him what to do stage. Insisting he include his sister will get back and not prevent hurt feelings but magnify them. The only thing you can casually say is oh so are you having your sister and brothers as grooms attendant? You can say this only once and only in a lighthearted sort of way. The best you can hope for is that he never considered having a girl stand up for him. But pressure will backfire and your daughter will not only be hurt that her brother did not want her but worse that mom was pressuring him about it and insisting which is worse much worse and much more insulting.

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