Rude Commentary: How to Tell a Friend to Stop

by EPI Staff on April 29, 2011

Q: Whenever I eat out with one of my friends, she makes fun of overweight people nearby. What should I do in this situation?

A: Since you’re friends, next time this happens, lean over, and in a low voice (so as not to embarrass her) say, “I wish you’d stop making these kind of comments. It’s pretty inconsiderate, plus the people you’re talking about could over-hear you.”

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Elizabeth April 29, 2011 at 6:30 am

If a friend of mine did this, we would not be friends for very long. The fact that she ignored etiquette would be the least of my problems with this kind of behavior. Rather, that she was so insecure or hung up so as to actually notice and then felt the need to actually comment on people because of perceived difference – well, that would pretty much be a friendship dealbreaker for me! Who needs that kind of negativity!?

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Alicia April 29, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I agree with Elizabeth. However, my response would be to compliment something about the person in addition. Something like: “Wow, what a mean comment. That is uncalled for. I think she looks like a really nice woman and wow I just love her hair. ”

The EP official reply makes it seem like it would be ok with you if they could not hear the comments. I know that is not true but still.

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Chara April 29, 2011 at 1:07 pm

I’m not sure if I read it here or somewhere else, but my very favorite response to rude people is to simply ask them if they are alright. Every time they start to spout off, just ask them if they are okay, or if there is something that they want to talk about. When you judge others, you are really saying more about yourself than you are about them.

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Country Girl April 29, 2011 at 4:18 pm

I love this advice.

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Farrah June 8, 2014 at 2:16 pm

I have a friend who is super sensitive, and clingy, whenever i am talking it someone else, she just comes up and requests that the other person leaves. Any advice on how to make her stop? Also, for your question, I have been in this situation before, and I would just say ‘Hey, what your are doing is really rude. Please stop, if that lady heard you, you can really hurt her feelings’

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Jody June 9, 2014 at 7:24 am

Farrah — are you saying that when you’re talking to Person B, your friend comes up and requests that Person B leave? If that’s the case it’s quite rude of your friend and I think a proper response would be to say to your friend “excuse me, I was talking to Person B.” You could also have a word with her when it’s just the two of you to say that you find what she does quite rude.

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