16 Comments

  1. eleanor

    We will be attending a ceremony dedicating a building in honor of a close friend. Is this a gift appropriate occasion? If so, any suggestions?
    Thank you

    • TootsNYC

      Please don’t bring a gift to this occasion. Your friend will have his hands full, metaphorically, with other things.D on’t make them be literally full as well.

      That said, I think it would be appropriate to acknowledge the honor, but I don’t know that a gift is necessary, or even appropriate. Your presence is actually a pretty big honor as it is: You are giving up your time to stand as witness, both in watching the event, and in being seen by others.

      A heartfelt letter of congratulations (not just a pre-purchased card you’ve signed) is probably the most appropriate move.

    • Kiley

      I’m sure your friend would appreciate a small gift to recognize him/her on this special day. How about some nice flowers or a bottle of wine?

      • Kiley

        As TootsNYC suggests, this friend will probably have their hands full during the event itself, but I don’t thing that afterwards it would be inappropriate to give a small gift.

    • Graceandhonor

      When a member of my family had a hospital wing named for her, I sent her a framed photograph of the dedication ceremony along with a note telling her of my love and admiration of her. You could also follow up with a floral arrangement and note.

  2. TerriblyWonderful

    I’m preparing to graduate with my second degree, but this is my first time announcing the occasion. I was in the middle of addressing envelopes when I realized I had a couple of issues. Perhaps someone can help me.

    1) Without fail, anytime I was addressing a female relative who was married, I always put her name first, as in Mr and Mrs Jane (his last name). Is that acceptable?

    2)Do I address a widow as a Mrs or Ms? Logically, she’s no longer married, but she never divorced.

    Thank you in advance for your kind attention.
    TW

    • Graceandhonor

      You address married women who use their husband’s name as Mr. & Mrs. John Doe or Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe. Mr. And Mrs. Jane Doe is incorrect. A widow is not unmarried, but is a woman who lost her husband and should be addressed as Mrs. John Doe unless she informs you otherwise.

      • Sara Z

        I thought as you did, Graceandhonor, but according to the link Country Girl provided, Mrs. Jane Doe is modernly acceptable.

        • Graceandhonor

          When addressing her alone, yes, but not when addressing her as part of a couple as Terribly Wonderful indicated. M/M Jane Doe…un unh. Why would a woman want to do that to her man? (Bracing myself for this one…)

          • Sara Z

            Mea culpa, I read it wrong. (Finals are next week, my brain is already too full!).

            I’m glad you braced yourself :) However, seeing as you have already admitted that you realize many/some of us will disagree on that point, I’m not going to address it. (Again, finals…I’m not sure I could even articulate what I am thinking into decipherable English.)

          • Graceandhonor

            I think a secure woman would not feel it necessary to make whatever point she thinks important if it emasculates her man in the process. I personally could not respect a man who was ok with having correspondence routinely addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Grace Honor. Now, “The Magnificent Ms. Grace Honor and the Fortunate Man She Calls Her Own” is another thing entirely. Good luck with those finals.

  3. V. T. Reynolds

    On a wedding website, should one include gift registry information? The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book does not address this. I am of the opinion that it is in the same arena of tackiness as including registry info with your invitations (as it is assumed that you or your family has created this site and now you are letting people know how to give you gifts, which is the main reason why you do not include registry info with your invites: it is self-serving). However, all of my friends (yes, even the Southern divas) say that “as long as you are going to have a wedding website, you might as well put your registry info on it” (by saying this, they are clearly insinuating that a wedding website is sort of tacky – I think it is greener, more practical, and much more affordable vs. mailing a bunch of inserts into an envelope). What do you think about including your registry on a wedding website? As long as the wording is 3rd person on the site (making it appear as if perhaps a friend created the site), then I can see it both ways I guess.

    • Alicia

      Well you would never add an insert with your registry info into an invite. However, when you are giving details if the registry info is a small detail way way below things like maps to the venues and information about local hotels then I think registry info is infor people do go to your website to look for.
      I want to see the following things pretty much only on a wedding website Where, when, what hotels, any discounts on hotels you have negotiated, where the nearest place to get breakfast and coffee near the hotel, what bar the crowd will likely be gathering at, any extra events like are we all going to the pool andI need a swin suit, are we going to play basketball(no idea but I was glad when a friend let it known on her website that was her family tradition to have a girls vs boy b-ball game the night before we ladies won but I would not have brought basketball sneakers otherwise)and link to registry info, maybe even an email to someone not bride and groom who is a local. Yeah a picture or two is nice but I already actually know you so not needed. If invited to your wedding I already know how you met ect. Wedding details in terms of color and gowns ect are better left as for the day.

    • Lin

      We had the registry information on ours, but we went the free route and used one that made atleast one registry entry a required field (if we were to do it all over again, I would have asked Jeff to design a site from scratch). If you want to address the registry information without advertising the store, you could include a link to your e-mail address so people can e-mail you “Where are you registered?”

  4. TerriblyWonderful

    Thanks, everyone! And to clarify for myself, I felt more at ease, I suppose addressing my sister first than I did her husband with whom I’m not terribly familiar. I asked her what she’d prefer, just so there were no misreadings, and she said she was fine either way.

    But I will definitely catalog this away for later! Again, thanks!

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