1. Alicia

    Have you ever stopped to get gas with her in the car? I’ve found in the past that stopping to get gas with the person in the car usually gets them to offer to pay for the tank of gas because it brings the issue to the front of their mind. If when you stop to get gas with them in the car they do not say anything then the next time I would do as suggested above.

  2. AL

    In certain circumstances, I disagree with the above answer. Did you offer the neighbor a ride or did the neighbor ask you for the a ride? If you offered to take the neighbor to work, then the neighbor is not obligated to pay you anything. After all, you made the offer. However, if the neighbor saw you driving and thne asked you for a ride, the neighbor should be contributing half of the expenses for the driving.

  3. Jody

    Al does have a good point. Even if you did offer your neighbor a ride at the beginning, you can still politely ask her to chip in for gas. Don’t spring it on her as saying “today” or “tomorrow” but maybe something like “I’m sorry, but with gas prices rising the way they are, I’d like you to contribute towards gas.” There are probably politer ways to say it, you know your neighbor better than I do.

  4. Jen

    You also might ask the neighbor (if they have a car): Would you mind driving part of the time? Then you can make up a schedule of what day they drive. This would help bring up the subject of splitting costs-especially if there are bridge tolls and parking to pay for. If the neighbor is down and out with money, maybe you could work out a trade situation-you drive and they can babysit for you or edit your resume. If this is a weekly carpool, I think money should be given to contribute. If this is a once every six months ride, I would just ask if they can drive next time.

  5. Jess

    There are five people in my carpool who ride together to school weekly. We each take turns drive each week to limit confusion. However, there is one person that has a 2 door car and has not offered to give gas money to us. No one really wants to bring it up. What is the best way?

    • R.

      As long as the owner of the 2-door car takes their turn doing the driving, there is not need to ask for gas money.

      If you mean to say that he/she never drives and relies on everyone else, then I think it’s time for all of you to figure out the cost of driving the carpool for each vehicle, take the average, and then convene a meeting/coffee to talk about it. Personally, I think this individual should pay the average with each driver getting 25% of that amount to help with the cost of gas since this 5th individual is using all of you as a taxi service and does not take a turn spending his/her money to pay for a gas for a week to drive the carpool route.

  6. Cody

    Consider this. Both of you work for a company. You live right beside each other. She doesn’t have a car, obviously she can’t afford it. You need to drive to that place anyway and it doesn’t cost you any extra. Suck up the costs as you would havve to pay it anyway

      • nyrone

        Why would you let someone suck up the cost? When you know you need a ride to work. This person will not offer or contribute to a ride to a job, they need……Wow !!! taxis are much more that offering of something, especially, if the amount is well over 20.00 a week. would you ride someone if you had to come out your pocket 150.00 in gas a week….Wow ! What Happen to Do Unto Others As You Would Want Them To Do Unto You….If it was temporary thing yes, but a every week thing, that been going on for a period of time…… it’s time to speak up.

  7. Frustrated Guy

    I just hate it when you tell them up front, and they pay you the first few times, but then they stop, and you have to ask, again, and they pay you again for a while, then they stop.
    I really really really really really want to tell them to f***ing go drive themselves. The commute is 100 km so it ain’t no chump change. I DONT WANNA BE A NAG!

    End of rant. thx for listening =]

  8. Not Rich Girl

    This is my situation: went on an 800 mile trip to a cousin’s wedding with a friend who’s family we stayed with close to the goings-on of the wedding. The WHOLE trip she says nothing about contributing or even that she may not be able to contribute due to tight finances. I drop many, many hints that the gas is costing so much and I’ve only budgeted for my portion(didn’t say in those exact words). Finally she says annoyingly, ‘do you want me to give you some cash?’ I’m thinking, well duh. But if she’s that stingy and can’t communicate why she cant contribute, then she must need the money more than me. She drinks/eats what I brought(yes, to share of course), I do all the driving, and she thinks this is a free taxi service to see her relatives? I don’t think so. Would you split a cab with a friend, or would you contribute half? Yeah, stingy people really bother me, they lack common generosity and sense! She thinks me being able to stay with her relatives for free basically pays her portion for gas….yeah, that’s not how it works, honey. You just got a free ride at my poor asses expense! The only difference is that I budgeted for it all and was hoping to get some reimbursement to defray the cost! Wow, some friend/human being!

    • Winifred Rosenburg

      I’m not sure what your question is but in these situations it’s always best to be upfront with your expectations. When the subject of you driving her came up, you should have said something like “Gas and tolls should add up to around $X so we could split that.” Yes, it would have been nice for her to offer, but if you look around this site you’ll see a lot of questions where people don’t know if they are supposed to chip in or not. She may have wrongly assumed that you were “hosting” her for the trip.

  9. Mel Mendoza


    This is a carpool question:) So there are 4 of us officemates in this carpool. Our set up is we divide whatever the transportation expenses are by 4. Today one of our carpool mates who was the one who brought the car, brought his wife also to ride all the way to the office. Now, we are having a dilemma if we should include the wife in the division. And, if we do include, how do we tell our carpool mate. Appreciate your insights. Thanks in advance.

    • Jody

      Mel — My suggestion is to wait and see if this is a one-time event or if it’s consistent. If the wife is riding with you all the time, I do think it’s fair for her to be included in the division. A good time to raise the question would be right before expenses are paid. If the rest of you are in agreement that the wife should be included in the division, one of you could talk to the carpool mate and say “since your wife is now riding with us regularly we think it’s fair she be included in the division of expenses.”

  10. Laura

    I leased a brand new car for my twins to share to go to
    School. I pay $500 a month plus gas.
    Every morning one of their friends gets a ride to & home
    Every afternoon. He never offers any money towards gas.
    This is going on 2 years , how do I stop this?
    It really frustrates me.

    • Alicia

      You tell your kids they can not drive friends more then twice a month unless either they or their friend pays gas money. Or you add up the miles to and from school and a bit of overage say 20% and then only be willing to pay for gas for that amount of miles and your kids or their friends are responsible for any more then that.

  11. liz

    so I started school 30 miles away and one of my classmates lives the next block over. he doesn’t drive and doesn’t have a car. I had offered him a ride home the first night, but now he expect its every day… and never once offers money…. he was paying$3 a day for the bus why not offer that to me…. but no. so frustrating. hes a sweet kid but come on im not his momma. and when im hungry I stop for food and im a nice person and offer to get him a $1 drink but instead he wants a large shake that’s $3 more… um… hello. and he just expects it every day and that don’t fly with me… 5 weeks is 5 weeks too long. but everytime I go to bring it up with him something happens… like his grandmother dying… sometimes some people are just moochers…. wow. I just need to stop being so nice cause it just pisses me off in the end…

    • Alicia

      Stop offering things you do not want to give. So stop offering rides and drinks ect when you get upset that he takes you up on your offers.
      Think about what would make you like this arrangement. Would gas money? How much? If nothing that is ok. But communicate what you want.

    • Elizabeth

      When you drop him off today, you can say, “Bill, I just want to let you know that if you want to keep riding with me, I’m going to need some gas money, $3 per day. Also, if we stop to get food, you’re going to need your own money for it because I’m no longer going to treat.”

      Or, if today you stop in the drive thru, when it comes to pay, look at him and say, “since I’ve been treating the last few times, I thought you’d want to get it today.” Then just keep looking at him. If he protests, then just tell the drive-thru guy you only want what you ordered for you, could he please take off the large coke.

      This person can only take advantage of you because you let him.

  12. siti

    It is only common courtesy. No matter what…..best to just chip in. What ever the amount. It just show that you have manners. If the person does not want cash( for what ever reason !) give him or her a gift on her birthday or if you go travelling.
    Frankly, I dont mind the car pool but it is the waiting for the other person that I dont enjoy :(

  13. anna

    this is my dilemma. I just started college and my sister and I carpool with two other people everyday in the morning to the same school and every other day I take them both home. I only get paid every other week from work and not a whole lot either. every week I have to fill up my car which is $40 just for half a tank and since gas is expensive they haven’t even offered to ask to pay for some gas even though they were the ones who came up with the carpooling idea . its not fun waiting for them to get to my house in the mornings either some days since they are late sometimes. I’m not sure how to ask them to contribute for the gas since they are really close to me.

    • Jody

      Anna — Sounds like the carpool needs some new rules. The next time you’re all together you can say that unfortunately due to the high cost of gasoline you’ll need to ask all carpool participants to chip in for gas. If they don’t want to do that, maybe they can drive some days so that everybody ends up “paying” the same amount.

      You can also let them know that you really need them to be on time in the morning if they want a ride because they’re making you late, and that if they’re not there on time you’ll need to leave without them. Make sure you stick to that statement and they’ll either get the message or find their own ride. (it’s what I had to do with my roommate)

  14. Lori C

    The purpose of carpooling is to share expenses. (it also takes cars off the road, frees up parking and helps with pollution) Have a conversation with both of these friends and your sister. Let them know if they would like continue to ride with you, you expect them to pay their fair share of gas and parking. Tell them how much money they need to give you upfront each week. Also let them know in order not to be late, you will be leaving at X time. If they cannot arrive by X time, you will be leaving without them. No one can take advantage of you without your permission.

  15. Connie

    I’m driving down to FL with my daughter on vacation (from Maryland) and asked my friend if her and her daughter would like to come and spend the week with us. I already paid for the condo. The week we are due to leave she tells me that she’s arranged a family reunion while down there (her sister doesn’t live far from where we will be) and she’s going to be spending a few days with her family. The reason I asked her and her daughter to come, as she knows, was to keep me company while our daughters were at Disney. Now it turns out I’m basically a free ride for her to visit family and this arranged reunion. She told my other friend that she’s not even staying at the condo with us and was staying with her sister. The question is: should I ask her to split the gas money?

    • Domi

      Absolutely! Confront her about the condo. “Will you sill be staying with us at the condo? Trying to budget in food/toiletries. Also i figured we can just split the gas since I already paid for the condo, I’ll let you know approx how much as soon as I know :]” adding in that you already paid for the condo makes it look like you’ve already paid for so much (which you have) and makes her feel more responsible for having to pay for gas!

  16. Lori C

    Please talk directly with your friend. It appears this friend is telling others of her plans while in Florida instead of you.

    Normally the time to talk about splitting expenses for a trip is when you ask someone to join you. I presume you and your friend discussed the pricing of a condo rental large enough to sleep four. She should be paying 50% of the condo rental. If she chooses to stay with relatives a day or two, that’s fine, but she pays 50% of the condo rental.

    Gas expense should have also been discussed at the same time. Yes, she is going, she pays 50% of the gas. Since you have already paid for the condo, she can reimburse you now, before the trip. Regarding the gas, you can take turns filling up the car, keep the receipts and see who owes who after you return home. Or you can agree to fund a cash gas account. Each person puts in say, $100 to pay for gas. Once that money is used, you each put in more. The remaining money at the end of the trip would be divided 50-50.

    If your friend informs you she has no intention of paying her share of her vacation expenses, then you are free to inform your friend you will be asking someone else to join you and your daughter.

    Now, if you told your friend you would be paying for the condo and the gas when you invited her to keep you company for the week, that is a different conversation. You offered to pay her way with a condition attached. The condition was to keep you company while your daughters were at Disney. Again speak with your friend directly. Remind her when you invited her and said you would pay for the condo and the gas, it was because she would be spending her time with you to keep you company while your daughters were at Disney. Let her know that you understand her wanting to see her sister and that is fine, but you did not ask her to accompany you for her to spend the entire week with her relatives. Find out her intentions. You might still need to find someone else to accompany you.

  17. JJ Cruz

    My roadtrip dilema:
    My sister and her family planned a road trip to NY FROM CA in a couple of months. They invited me to come, and of course I expect to give my fair share for the gas. But we have conflicting thoughts as to how to split it up. They are a family of 4. (their kids are 6 and 11). They run a business which is how they support their family. I work part time, and help my mom take care for my disabled dad. My income is very limited, especially compared to theirs, but regardless of that, I want to pay my fair share of the gas. They told me that my share should be half. I feel that is too much. Am I in the wrong here? I’d appreciate any insight on this.

    • Elizabeth

      You are not wrong. In your case, I would probably offer to chip in a third, as you are one of three adults. I think your sister is trying to take advantage of you, seeing as how they were going to take this trip anyway. Now they want you to pay for half of the gas! A third would be more than fair.

    • Lori C

      If you were not going, your sister and brother in law would be paying 100% of the gas. I feel you should only pay 1/5 of the gas. They are responsible for paying to cover their own family.

      Same for the motel. If you are all staying in one room, you pay for 1/5 the room. If you get your own room, you would pay for your own room. You would also pay for your meals and drinks.

      If you and your sister cannot agree, feel free to decline her invitation to go on the trip. It really does not matter how anyone earns their income. But don’t let them take advantage of you either.

  18. IndiMindy

    So I have a friend who we recently decided to move in together. We also got jobs at the same place. We work the same hours except I am off on Wed. & Fri. and She is Off Fri. & Sun. Her bf has a car and takes her to work on my off day. I have a Ford Explorer which is definitely not cheap on gas. I owe her $200 for our security deposit and have no problem paying her back. However she rides to work with me and never helps with gas. How can I tell her I can’t afford to pay her and gas? I’ve already told her I couldn’t do both and I don’t think she understands because she yet hasn’t chipped in. Our job is about 30 minutes away. So I would like to tell her “look I know I owe you money but you’ve been getting free rides to work for going on 3 months now, can you take something off the amount I owe you? not to mention when you need to go to places I’m nice enough to go ahead and take you. She does have a bf who has a smaller car 2 door cougar.. what should i say?

    • Elizabeth

      Indi, I think you should keep the two items separate. I would pay her the $200 but also let her know what arrangement you want for the ride sharing. You are correct that she should be chipping in for gas, but it is something that you two should have discussed at the beginning. However you can renegotiate now. Providing rides every day, four days a week, is quite a gift. I think you should be really upfront and discuss it with her without pussyfooting around. You could unilaterally decide to hold back some of the deposit money, but it would be better if you could decide together as she will probably be resentful if you just decide.

  19. Annie

    My friend and I are planning a girls-day-out day trip to a city near where we currently live in a few days. We have done this trip many times before but I have always been the passenger but I have always provided my share of the gas money for the trip. This time however, since I finally got my own car, I’m doing the driving. I’m going to have to fill my car up to make the round trip and I don’t know how I’m supposed to ask my friend for her half of the gas money without sounding greedy or rude. It’s only going to take about $30 to fill the car so she will only have to give $15, but like I said how do I ask.

    • Lori C

      Annie, When you are talking to your friend about this day trip, I suggest you say something like, we are splitting the cost of gas right? If your friend say no, remind her you always paid your share of the gas when she drove. Ask why she thinks she would not do the same? If she still refuses, I would cancel the trip.
      Keep your receipts. It is not bad manners or rude to ask for her share of this expense. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

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