18 Comments

  1. Erica

    I have a friend, who continually tries to make everything a competition and discourages my goals at every opportunity. How do I tell her to back off? At this rate, I don’t think we’ll be friends for too long :(

    • Graceandhonor

      Take every opportunity you can to encourage this friend in whatever she does. And end by saying, “I, too, know how much it means to have a supportive friend who understands things which are important to me.” If she doesn’t pick up the hint, or doesn’t then become competitive about positively acknowledging your goals, then a quiet fade from the relationship would be understandable. If she then questions your removal, tell her then how you feel. At best, she’ll endeavor to change, and at worst, the one-sided relationship will conclude.

      As you continue through life, you’ll see more of this behavior; just be thankful you recognize how unattractive it is, and seek out those who reciprocate your feelings.

  2. Confused Mother

    I recently hosted a birthday party for my 16 year old son at a sports restaurant which included friends (boys and girls) that he has known all through grade school and new friends from high school. One of the grade school girls is now having her 16th party/outing at an amuzement park, and did not include my son or another boy. Although I know it is her right to invite who she chooses to her party, is it not in very bad taste to leave my son and his friend out when she was just invited to my son’s party? They have been friends since kindergarten and the mother professes how much her daughter loves my son and his friend. I anxiously await your response.

    • Alicia

      Questioning the guest list of a hostess is never a good idea. Particularly, regarding a 16 year old. If his mom is still trying to get him invited tp parties there is a good chance that this is why he is not developing the social skills and thick skin one needs. Maybe it is girls only, maybe she thinks your son is a dork, maybe she is having a small party and he is a less close friend, maybe he is not cool and she only wants to invite the coool kids, who knows but this is not the last time he will not be included. Let your son learn that sometimes you are not invited and how to be gracious anyway.

    • Camille

      It could be as simple that her mother set a limit on how many people she could invite. I imagine paying for a lot of kids to go to an amusement park could be expensive. More expensive than a party at a restaurant. If this is the case, then it comes down to some kids getting left out. She may have very well wanted to invite your boy and his friend, but faced with a headcount limit hard choices get made. Maybe the girl knew that your boy would take it better (being left out) than a girl, so she chose a girl that isn’t as good of a friend, but would have hurt feelings if left out.

  3. Nina

    That’s so funny–Terry asked the same question I was going to ask! I wonder if we are invited to the same party… Anyway, I too would really appreciate some thoughts on what, if anything, to bring to an engagement party!

    Thanks!

    • Alicia

      In my experience it varies based a lot on family traditions. If you bring a gift something small like some wine, or a resturant gift card to their favorite place is a good choice but just a card is wonderful too. Do not feel obligated to give a gift but if you wish to it is not inappropriate.

  4. Anna

    I recently discovered that my sil invited another boy to her son (my nephew)’s bday party…a boy who has has unpredictably aggressive behavior and who has bullied my son (her nephew)…and she is very well aware of this, as I have confided my concerns about this boy. It seems that he was a last-minute addition to the invite list because her husband wants to get to know this boys’ father better for business. (Of course, I’d say invite him to dinner, not to your son’s bday party!) Anyway, I’m torn about what to do…I know that my son wants to attend his cousin’s bday party, but doesn’t want to be anywhere near this other boy. My other sil is also uncomfortable about attending the party because this boy was invited. Is it possible to politely/creatively univite this bully? What to do?

    • Graceandhonor

      Since you are not the hosts of this party, it is inappropriate to consider ways to uninvite this boy. Instead, this is an opportunity for other attendees to learn how to make the best of a social situation that is not personally tailored for them. This is a valuable lesson best learned early, as this will surely not be the last time your son encounters less favorite acquaintances in someone else’s home. It is up to the hosts and parents of younger guests to manage the behavior of those younger guests; if they fail to do so in an appropriate manner, then it is your duty to remove your family members with as little fuss as possible.

  5. arthur pilibosian

    I am going to my 45th high school reunion this weekend. The first night is a get together at a local pub set for 7:00pm. I would like to arrive a little early to meet some of the attendees since this is going to be a big reunion in terms of people. Would arriving earlier than 7 be socially acceptable, and if so how early?

    • Graceandhonor

      Arthur, I regret no one responded to your inquiry before your reunion this past weekend. I would have said fifteen minutes early in case hosts were busy with room preparations. I hope it was a happy time for you!

    • Alicia

      Yes you get two gifts if you attend the shower. I generally take my gift nudget for the wedding and spend 20-25% on shower and the remaining 75-80% on wedding gifts.

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