1. Allison

    Hello all! Good morning!
    (New poster here. I looked for posting rules, but did not see them, so I hope I do not break any!)

    When someone offends you the same way repeatedly, you may choose to address it as politely as possible. That’s what I wish to do with a coworker.

    Many times during work, I will be listening to a partner on a project, either on the phone or face-to-face, and this other coworker will come up and greet me loudly, and wait there to be addressed. She is upset if the interaction is quick: a friendly smile, a nod or a small wave. She walks away angry, saying something to the effect of, “So that’s good morning these days,” shaking her head. Or she will repeat, “GOOD AFTERNOON,” sarcastically.

    I feel it is rude of her to interrupt and expect me to stop conversing and have a longer exchange. I used to try to greet her the instant she came in, making sure to pay her my full attention–but most times she would repeat the disruptive greeting later in the day.

    I’m weary of this dance. Positive interaction would be nice. Warm mutual greetings would be great. I’m tired of being interrupted. Can I say something?

  2. Alicia

    Hi Allison,
    Welcome to our online group. The rules are not formally listed anywhere. They seem from my perspective to be 1. Ask questions when you have them. 2. Answer questions with as much grace and wisdom as you can. 3.Be open to listening to different ideas and learning. 4. Enjoy yourself.
    So far you seem to be doing great.
    Regarding the greeter. She seems to mean well so when she interupts your conversation to do the greetings dance why not do something like show concern. I’ll call her Sue ” Good morning Sue is everything ok? Sue:Good morning of course everything is well You: Well you interupted iour meeting so I’m concerned are you sure everything is ok?! It had to have been important in order to have interupted a meeeting. ” Keep this up over a few days or weeks. When neither of you are busy do greet her normally and happy.

  3. Julie

    Okay this is something I am really tired of. I have always been reserved and introverted. However, I am a friendly, smiling person. Today at work (I work in a public place) after I had just made eye contact with a patron and smiled, she said to me “Do you talk?” Suddenly I am hearing the same question I heard as an 8 year old, a 15 year old, a 21 year old, and now at 28! I responded with “Yes, I talk” and then motioned around to show that there had been nobody around me with which I should be speaking and said “I have nobody to talk to at the moment.” Why do people feel that this will make you more likely to suddenly become a chatterbox? Here’s the kicker: I AM a chatterbox! Once I’m on the phone with a friend or in the company of my boyfriend or parents, I am constantly talking…my Mom even gets annoyed sometimes, haha! I’m not a loudmouth person in public, constantly spewing my opinion or making conversation with every single person I come across. Is there an even better response I could give to people who say these things?

    • Just Laura

      Ha! Julie, honestly, the last time someone said that to me, I replied, “no.” I understand that may not be polite, but their question was ridiculous. And yes, I love to speak to anyone who will listen. But as a greater mind than mine once said, “Do not speak, unless you can improve upon silence.” Sometimes, I have nothing to say and I shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.

  4. Gail


    We work with man who is getting married for a second time. It is the first for the bride. we usually do a card and put $20 each in it for graduations, babies, etc. What would be the appropriate amount of money for each of us to put in the card for this wedding? They don’t want any gifts, because they are combining two households and have been living together for awhile. Just wondering if there was any etiquette out there.

    Thank you.

    • R.

      I don’t think your group should treat this event differently because it’s his 2nd wedding. If you typically give a cash gift anyway, I don’t know that it makes a difference that they don’t want gifts. Money is a great gift in such situations, as they can spend it how they like. Not to disrespect their wish but I suspect they’re trying to avoid registering and/or receiving not needed household items. (That certainly was the case when I got married.) Perhaps you could purchase a gift card at their favourite (or a more upscale) restaurant and sending that along with a lovely card signed by everyone. If you do this, just divide the cost of a dinner for two at this restaurant by the number of people contributing. It’ll probably be less than the $20 you usually contribute.

      I wouldn’t do nothing if the norm is to do something, as nothing may send the message that his wedding is less special than another person’s milestone event. However your group recognises this milestone, I hope the wedding couple is gracious enough to say thank you.

  5. Adrienne

    My step-daughter, who lives out of state, will be 25 year old in January. She wants to have a birthday dinner and invite 20-30 family members and friends at one of her favorite restaurants. The buffet is about $30 pp and there is an a la carte menu as well. She can’t afford to pay for anyone, as she has had financial difficulties this year. She has worked hard, putting herself through school and buying a small home. Her father, my husband, died when she was 5. I have since remarried but still have a close relationship with her. Should she send invitations to this dinner, or should someone else do it for her, explaining that each person would pay for their own dinner?

    • Alicia

      Your step daughter wants to have a party she can not afford to hostess. The sad reality is thus she must either forgo the party or rearrange it so that it is within her budget. Instead of trying to hostess a $900 dollar party that isw out of her budget why doesn’t she host something in her own home. Snacks and cake and drinks in her own home is likely much much cheaper then trying to host elsewheren and can be just as lovely.

    • Did someone forget to tell your daughter that one shouldn’t throw one’s own parties and expect others to foot the bill? I certainly admire that she has put herself through college and purchased a home, but that doesn’t obligate others to give her a party. As Alicia correctly stated, she cannot afford the party wants. Therefore, she should want a party she can afford.

  6. Sharise Williams

    Hi. I have a wedding guest list conundrum. I have a bride that has sent 100 save the dates for her 7/3/11 wedding date. They have since changed the date to Nov 26th 2011 for immediate family only. How do we resend the save the dates to only those she wants to have in vegas? I was thinking she shoudl host a luncheon here when they get back BUT its well over a year can she just call and tell her guest they have changed their plans?

    • Alicia

      This is the problem with save the dates. When the couple sent save the dates they made a promise to each of these invited guests that they would be invited to an event on that day in that location. The couple should not be backing out of this promise if they are not backing out of the wedding entirely. So they should get married on 7/3/2011 not Nove26 2011 and they should host their guests to the best of their ability at that date. Cake and punch and living up to the obligations they have willingly taken on is a better thing then a grand wedding.
      Think how the guests will feel being basically uninvited to the wedding. Now think how those who have already begun to get flights and hotels and such and then get uninvited will feel.

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