1. Laura

    I am 28 and recently became engaged. As this is my first time, my parents are very happy. Because I recently moved several states away to join my fiance, I have few close girlfriends here. I have accepted that I will forgo a bridal shower. However, my well-meaning mother said she wants to throw one. I told her that while the thought is kind, a mother cannot throw her daughter a shower (and who would come?). She became very upset about this, and thinks I’m being ungrateful. I love gifts, but I am adamantly against gift-grabs (we’re not registered), and having my mum throw me a shower when I have no close friends seems like it would be one. A side note: My matron-of-honor lives in Hawaii, so she is unavailable. One of my friends says that all first-time brides need a bridal shower – in fact, many of my friends had several, and Mother knows this. I need a kind way of telling my mother ‘no’ without invoking “because that’s poor etiquette” (as that didn’t go well last time). What say you?

  2. R

    I think you should have a heart-to-heart with your mother. Ask her why she has so much invested in this bridal shower, and why it means so much to her. Listen to what she has to say, and then, based on what she tells you, explain why you don’t want a shower. I know this is an etiquette site, but try not to make it about “poor etiquette.” Tell her that you are still adjusting to a new place, and feel uncomfortable asking new friends to attend a shower. Try to find a compromise– maybe allow her to throw a “recipe shower” or something similar with a bunch of family friends/relatives, or something similar. Then it’s not a “gift grab” but a chance for your mom to see you, and to show you off!

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