Q: Now that I’ve picked out the perfect wedding gift for my friends, I’m not sure how to give it to them. Should I have the store deliver it? Wrap it myself? Include a card? Help!
A: The answers depend on local customs, but most people have the store do the honors. The pluses can’t be beat: a professional wrapping job, careful packing, and a return policy in case the gift arrives broken. If you are sending the gift prior to the wedding, it should be delivered either to the bride’s parents or to the bride’s current address. After the wedding, you should send it to the couple. (Note: in some communities it’s customary to bring your gift to the wedding reception.) Always include a card with your name and best wishes inside the gift box, along with a gift receipt providing the store’s name and location, but not the price.
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
If you are having the gift shipped please make sure that it is not going to arrive while they are at the wedding or honeymoon. Also if it is a wedding that requires any travel for the couple ( back in hometown they no longer live in or destination wedding) make sure to ship it or make sure it is not given to them at such a time when it is a burden on shipping and travel issues for the couple.
I was recently the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding. It was a destination wedding that included a week’s vacation in Cape Cod. Finances are extremely tight for me and I spent a LOT of money to be in this wedding. I am wondering if I am also expected to purchase the same caliber of gift as I would if I was just a guest. My friend knows of my financial situation but doesn’t seem to “get it.” HELP!
A nice, but moderate gift is fine, and should be sent prior to the wedding, though it must be rather galling to have your friend goading you for a gift that meets her financial mark.
Last year my wife and I were invited to a wedding and a bridal shower. My wife attended the shower with a gift. Shortly there after we mailed a wedding gift. A week before the wedding the bride to be called off the wedding. None of the gifts were ever returned. Now we have been invited to another shower and wedding for the same girl. What do we do concerning gifts? Very touchy situation since the bride to be is a very close friend.
Send a greeting card for the wedding and decline the shower invitation. We hope you were thanked for the gifts first time around? The touchiness of this situation is not yours to own, so remember that.
If you give a gift at the shower do you have to bring another one to the wedding?
Yes, but send the gift to the bride’s home prior to the wedding day; don’t take it to the wedding reception.
Why send it to the home before the reception?
1.) Sending it to the bride’s home assures someone signs for the package and it doesn’t get lost.
2.) This allows the bride to enjoy a leisurely, and often individual, receipt of it, and if she is organized, allows her to write a prompt thank you note.
3.) Sending it to her prior to the reception ensures it will not be lost from an unguarded gift table, which is becoming increasingly common, and does not encumber someone at the reception.
4.) Carrying a gift to a wedding gives the gift an air of an admission ticket or that its purchase was last minute.
5.) Sending it prior to the wedding is simply a more refined way of handling the gift.
Thank-you, this helps alot.
My sister got married a few weeks ago. Now that she returned from the honeymoon she is very very busy. Her husband does not want to write thankyou notes. I was wondering, is it ok if I help her? I was thinking of at least writing half of them and she can just sign them and finish the other half. What do you think?
Keren,
Your sister’s wedding guests took the effort and incurred the expense to purchase a wedding gift for her and her husband. It is a shame they cannot make thanking those guests a top priority. If he, immaturely, refuses to help with the task, then your sister should write and sign all of them. Your intention is nice, but inappropriate.
G&H
Please advise:
We live in Atlanta and have a NYC apartment where our unmarried 24 year old daughter currently resides.
Our son is engaged and both he and his fiancee have rented a NYC apt. and live there, and have started work, with their marriage 9 months away. The fiancee’s parents live in Florida.
Having read your wedding etiquette book, should the wedding gifts be directed to:
1. the NYC apt of the engaged couple
2. the Fla. home of the fiancee’s parents
3. the NYC apt where our 24 year old daughter lives
Thanks for clarifying andilluminating the above!
Sandy
It would be best for gifts to be sent to your son’s apt. if that is where they are going to reside after marrying, and someone inquires specifically about where best to send one. Technically, gifts are generally sent to the bride at her parent’s home (and some will end up going there), if they are hosting the wedding, but given the distance, sending them to their NY apt. is both practical and fine. It is immaterial to the scenario that your daughter resides in your NYC apt. Best wishes on this happy time in your family life!
I have been invited to attend a post wedding reception and have accepted. I was not invited to the wedding undoubtedly because it was held 2000 miles away. Is a gift expected/proper?
Hmm… The way I look at it is this: Are you happy for them and want to get them something to add to their new life? Give them a gift. I get gifts for good friends even if I’m not invited to any part of the wedding festivities.
Is it proper etiquette to send wedding invitations through facebook for a first or second marriage?
First second third or fifty second marriage the rules are the same. here is no rule that one must use paper to invite someone to anything however type of invite sets tone. A facebook invite to any occassion is a very casual one.A facebook wedding invite not followed up with a more formal invite speaks to the bride and groom considering this a very informal occassion. If that is the wished for conclusion then a facebook invite is not incorrect. Personally I would never do it but it is not agaist the rules of polite behavior.
Is there an ettiquette precedent for bridal shower invitation wording when the bride will be flying home to a different city than where the shower is hosted? I’ve read about suggestions to mail gifts to the brides house, but in this situation that wouldn’t be very convenient either.
She will also be faced with the same predicament for weddding gifts if there is an ettiquette suggestion for that as well.
Thank you.
The bride is responsible for getting the generous gifts home. Her options are to refuse a shower thus not be burdened with gifts, do the gifts as checked luggage, mail the gifts to herself, rent a uhaul and drive home from the shower ect. However it is the complete burden of the gift recipient to get the gifts back home. If that is too much a burden on the bride she should decline the shower. Telling the guests to come to a shower wrap and give a lovely gift oh and then by the way the recipent does not even like it enough to want to tak it home so ship it to her is rude.
Your query is a bit unclear to me. You mean, the bride is flying somewhere else other than home after her shower? That the shower is not in her hometown?
I think there is not a way to really communicate this in the invitation. Presumably, though, you will invite people who know the bride and who know that she doesn’t live in the area. There really isn’t any way to politely mention gifts in any kind of invitation. However, you can and should spread the word to key friends and family who are good ‘spreaders of news’. Lastly, part of what people expect from a shower is the ritual of the opening of gifts. A lot of people (though not everyone) like to watch the bride open their present and see her squeals of delight. Though it may be slightly inconvenient, the bride and her family/friends who are hosting the shower may have to figure out some kind of plans for shipping whatever she can’t take with her on the flight. Lastly, you could theme the shower an ‘intimates’ shower, where everyone brings a lacy negligee – at least those pack easily!
If you are having the shower where she lives, but she’s leaving right away on a trip of some kind, then you can easily rope a couple of her friends into transporting the gifts to her house so they’ll be waiting when she gets back.
Hi,
Hoping someone can help me here – I’m getting married in September and noticed on one of my registries that two gifts were bought for us a few weeks ago (I’m able to see what the gifts are and who purchased them). I reached out to the store when they didn’t arrive and have learned the gifts are on backorder and will arrive while we are on our honeymoon. My question here is when to send the thank you notes. Up to this point I’ve been sending thank you notes once we receive and open the gifts. But, I’m not sure how to handle this one, a) I would love to send the thank you notes now to help manage my thank you notes, but b) I’m concerned the givers may be confused and assume this means we recieved the gifts even though we haven’t, and I’m sure they are aware of the fact that the gifts are on backorder. My initial thought is to wait until the gifts arrive as the givers know when the gifts will ship, but I do not want to be rude and have the givers think we’re not thankful for their gifts. Any thoughts on this?
Thank you,
caroline
This is one of the reasons I dislike registries. But that is not your question.
One sends a thank-you for a gift when the gift has been received. That way, the giver knows that the present arrived safely. You mention that sending out a premature TY note could confuse the givers, and we know you do not want to add any burden of confusion to generous people who have contributed to your special day.