emily post photobook press

Open thread

by EPI Staff on September 1, 2010

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This open thread is your space to use as you like.  We invite you to discuss current and traditional etiquette. Feel free to ask questions of each other and the community moderators here.

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Lauren September 1, 2010 at 3:23 pm

I have question regarding stationery.

I recently ordered some invitations for my daughter’s christening, and suggested as an add-on was thank you notes with my daughter’s name on them.

Is it appropriate to order stationery for a baby ( 6 months)? If ordered and used, do I write thank you notes and sign her name? Sign mine? Clue me in!

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Alicia September 1, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Congrats on your baby. Yes at some point you need to get her thank you notes and teach her how to write a thank you. However, until she can hold a crayon you do not have too. Instead you and your spoouse if married should take this obligation on on her behalf. This will be true for the next few years. For example a three year olds birthday recently I received a thank you note from the dad on behalf of the toddler and a crayon picture of the fire truck I gave him from the kid ( ok it looked like red scribbles but was a great thing in term of early thank you note) The fathers note is the only reason I was sure it was a thank you note. By school aged they should be given stationary and taught to write the thank you notes the afternoon that they recieve a gift. I personally remember having Cabage patch doll stationary writing thank you notes at the kitchen table. Save the nice crane stationary for when she is old enough for ink pens and cursive.
Good luck!

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Julie September 1, 2010 at 8:46 pm

My best friend’s birthday falls around Labor Day every year. We grew up together, but always had very different groups of friends. Over the years, since we were teenagers, I have tried to “suck it up” and agree to go to social events involving her friends. However, her friends are unfriendly, loud, crass individuals whom I have no desire to spend time with. We are very different, my friend and I, as I am rather reserved and enjoy bowling, movies, and going out to dinner. Her friends sleep around and get drunk on a regular basis. I know this because they broadcast it. I feel that I have tried, throughout our friendship, to make an effort, but end up feeling like a 15 year old insecure girl when I am around her friends (we are in our late twenties). Every year she invites me to meet up with a group of her friends for her birthday, and I have managed to have an excuse, whether real or not, every year. I try to beat her to the punch and say “we will go out next week for your birthday, I’ll treat you to dinner.” Yet, I feel guilty when she invites me to something on her actual birthday and I always decline. I strongly desire not to be in the company of her friends.

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Irene September 4, 2010 at 2:57 pm

I know what regrets only means; however, I would like to know what the appropriate time frame to reply is if there is no date.

We received an invitation on 8/10/10 for an 8/22/10 event. Regrets only.
I was reluctant to call since it would start an arguement, but was going to reply the evening of 8/13/10. ( I figured a week was more than enough for a refreshments only event.) I was called; by the mother of the person hosting the event, on the morning of the 13th for an answer. I felt this was jumping the gun. Did I over react?

It gets more interesting. This event was over two hours away. ( Originally it was only going to be a 30 minute drive.) Due to physical conditions this commute could have caused a problem. In speaking to the mother of the host 12 days later I was told I could have at least made the effort to attend. What should I have done differently?

My non-monetary gift was taken up by someone that was going to the event. (I mention that it was non-monetary since this is something you usually like to see a person’s reaction to as it is opened . This to me indicates I had every intention of attending the event.) I’m sure I will receive a formal thank you; but, as of yet my gift hasn’t even been acknowledged. (I also sent along a gift for their new home which had absolutely nothing to do with the event.)

I really would like to know if I am being unreasonable and what the “APPROPRIATE” responses should have been.

Thank you

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Graceandhonor September 4, 2010 at 3:21 pm

Irene, your assumptions are reasonable and your hosting party appears somewhat overwrought. Since “Regrets only” means to call if you are not coming, otherwise it is assumed you are, it is puzzling that the mother called at all. We hope, since they’ve thrown stones, they do not live in a glass house and will thank you very soon for your gift.

Generally, one responds promptly to an invitation, taking into account, as you did, the timeline requirements. One or two days in your instance were fine; for an event further out, a week or so. However, it is usually best to respond immediately, so one doesn’t forget to do so.

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