Q: When an acquaintance tells you he or she just got divorced, how should you respond? “I’m sorry” seems inappropriate these days, since many people are relieved – even happy – to be out of a bad marriage.
A: There’s no all-purpose approach. Instead, your answer should be dictated by individual circumstances. Keep in mind that while some people are pleased about a divorce, many others are feeling sad or going through changes. For them, “I’m sorry” would be appropriate.
Since you can’t always read someone’s feelings, your best bet is to respond with “Thanks for letting me know. I wish you the best,” or “I hope you find much happiness ahead.” That shows concern without prying.
Loading ...
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
After letting people know I have been working for the Department for 30 years, the first thing that comes up is retirement. Is this proper?
People often frame things from their own perspective; inquiring about your retirement may indicate longing for their own. Then there are those passionate about their work; my father, who at 78 still runs his own company, responds to questions about retirement, “I’ll retire when I die; my work staves off that date!”
So, vigorously state your condolences for their unhappiness and let it go.
People often bring up working at a department for 30 years as a topic starter for retirement. If you are not looking to retire there is no reason to bring up in conversation the exact number of years there are in the past when you could look to the future instead.
I am also recently divorced and my name change at work has prompted many inquires. Most people have just walked up and said “Congratulations on your marriage.” At first I would correct people but it was obvious that it made them very uncomfortable and they then had no idea how to respond. So, I have chosen, in most cases, to simply say thank you and move on. It saves me the explaination and them the embarrassment. For those who ask about the name change, I tell them I divorced and went back to my maiden name. If they express regret I just tell them it was amicable seperation and we are both doing well.