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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Dear Lovlies at Emily Post,
In the last year I have changed many of my dietary habits, becoming a vegetarian being the biggest change I have made. I have not kept this change a secret, in fact many co-workers often tease me about it, lovingly of course. However, when it comes to office lunches, or going out as a group, it is often forgotten when others recommend a burger joint, or offers to share a meal that is less than meat free. I always find something that will work with my new eating guidelines, and I have never complained about this. However, I am in the process of relocating, and several friends and co-workers are taking the time to give me going away luncheons, so sweet! I am so flattered, but I have a feeling that as many of them will be pot-luck, meat free dishes will not be the norm. As the guest of honor to these events I am torn as how to tread in these situations. Do I take a small helping of what they bring and merely pick at it on my plate, being wasteful which makes me sad, or pass a meat dish over completely? I am so worried about hurting others feelings, and hope to be as discrete as possible in whichever scenario may be best.
I appreciate all that this site does and stands for, and I thank you in advance for your help with this question.
Leah
Hi Leah! I have been a vegetarian for 6 years and I know how tricky and difficult situations can be that involve meals with other people. You have made a decision that you do not have to compromise for the sake of others, and this does not equate to hurting their feelings. First of all, if they have all known that you are meat-free, then you are alleviated of the burden of “feeling bad” if they offer you a meat dish and you decline it or if they bring pot luck meat dishes to an event in your honor. You should thank them all for throwing you going away luncheons and just do the best you can in choosing what you eat from the spread of food. They will be eating from the meat dishes (so don’t worry about being wasteful, you are just one person) and you can take a little potato salad or even make a cheese and mustard sandwich on a bun. I always say that as long as there is bread, cheese and condiments at any event or bbq, I will be fine! You can always eat something else later. As far as the teasing, just ignore it and they will hopefully get bored with the teasing. Sometimes people like to make jokes about things they don’t understand. I found most of my family and friends have been nothing but supportive of my decision. A few years from now when you think “wow I’ve been meet free for 3, 5, 7 years” you will feel really good about yourself!
and obviously by “meet free” I meant MEAT-FREE, sorry for the typo
Thank you so much for the quick response Julie! Your reassurance was just what I needed!
Leah
Hi Leah,
With respect to potlucks in your and others honors. Skip dishes you can not eat and focus on those you can. If you are bringing at a potluck always bring something tasty that fits with your dietary thoughts. Everyone should not be at a potluck required to cater to dietary preferences even of teh guest of honor but there will always be something avaible. Personally I have never ever seen a potlick without a veggies and dip tray.
Regarding making lunch of dinner plans when carnivor resturants are suggested you absolutlely and should suggest an alternative resturant that is in the same distance and budget range that have more vegitarian options while still being pleasing towards omnivores. Also say why you are sggesting as people may not at the moment be thinking of your dietary preference. So something like Nice coworker says” Lets try bacon wraped steak resturant” You say “I’m vegitarian and they have very few vegitarian options how about Salads and pasta r us? ” Italian resturants and middle eastern resturants are often great for this as many of the ptions will be vegitarian friendly while also yummy for omnivores.
Question: When announcing an engagement in the newspaper and the Brides parents are divorced, father currently single and mother remarried, how does one properly word the announcement? Is the step-father to be included?
Margaret,
The stepfather should be included if the bride and her mother say so. Most newspapers today have formats they use and will provide directions for you to submit the announcement. If not:
“Mr. Frederick Jones and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Smith announce the engagement of their daughter, Sally Ann Jones, to Mr. Joshua Tree Adams, son of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Adams….” You may wish to also include hometowns for everyone in the announcement, particularly if the publication covers a large metro area.
G&H
Hi everyone,
I am at the end of my rope with this situation and need to handle it with grace and kindness, as it involves my elderly in-laws. They live about 45 minutes away from us, and we frequently either go to their house for dinner or have them over to our house. There is usually road construction of some sort or another, but nothing major, and I can’t remember a time it’s ever taken us more than an hour to get to their house.
The problems is that every single time they come to our house they arrive 45 minutes early. Every time. We are likely either showering, preparing food, dressing our children, giving the rug one last vacuum – the kinds of things one usually does in the last minutes before company.
When they arrive, they don’t apologize and say “We realize we got here early, we’ll stay out of your way while you continue what you were doing.” They expect us to be ready, to drop all of those last minute things and entertain them. It starts our visits with me being crabby and feeling put-off and I wish they knew how impolite their behavior was.
My husband suggested that we just invite them over 45 minutes later than we actually want them to arrive. I thought that maybe if we answered the door in bathrobes and asked them to wait while we get ready they might stop the early arrivals. I have lots of respect for them – they’re in their late 70′s and early 80′s and I dont’ think it’s my place to try to have the kind of “talk” about it I would if I had younger in-laws. I just wonder if anyone has suggestions on what I should do in this situation. It’s not just once or twice now that I can chuckle at – it’s 5+ times and I’m starting to get a little tired of it.
Thanks, in advance, for your feedback!
Your husband nailed it. They are not going to change at their age, so just plan on their time schedule. This doesn’t need to be complicated unnecessarily. If this is the main thing worthy of worry with them, then you are very, very lucky.
I second Grace’s advice: they are not going to change, so you should. If they are planning to show up for 5pm, if possible, make sure your family is ready by 3pm, so you can relax and sit around leisurely until their arrival, putting off more time-consuming house tasks to a day before or after their arrival. In other words, add a few hours (mentally) to their visit in planning that day.
How often do you visit each other? If it’s frequently, one option is to cut down on those visits (at least to your home), and make it more of a potluck if you do visit them more often. This way you will cut down on the resentment you would have been building (as you are now) from having them arrive inconveniently early.
This may sound obvious, but have you also talked to them about this? They may be more willing to come on time than you think. It never hurts to ask.
Hello Etiquette Experts,
My father is remarrying this winter. His wedding will be the morning of December 31 at a nice vacation resort, immediate family only. I will not be in the ceremony, but as the daughter of the groom, I’m wondering if there is anything in particular that I should do to help out, or at the least, offer to do? I have only met my stepmother to be twice, so we do not know each other very well, and I live out of town. Not sure if that information helps. Also, what does one wear to a morning-of-New Year’s Eve wedding? Many thanks in advance for your suggestions!
Cheers,
Heather
Dear Heather,
Why don’t you call your father and ask him if there is anything you can do for him? It would be nice to extend that offer. As for what to wear, this might be a topic that could help to build a bridge with your future stepmother. I would think a pretty dress, not too revealing, would be appropriate, in a color one might see at the resort.
Good luck,
G&H
Alicia,
I appreciate your input and suggestions as well! Thank you for taking the time to share some great feedback!
Leah