Q: The day before the wedding of a childhood friend, I came down with the stomach flu, so I had to cancel. I did, however, mail the couple a gift worth $200. Three weeks after the ceremony, I received not a thank-you note, but a bill ($140) for the food and liquor my date and I would have consumed at the reception. Do I have to pay this?
A: No way! A few emergency cancellations are to be expected at any large social event, and hosts should be gracious enough to accept them without comment. The bride and groom seem to care more about the lost money than the loss of your company on their special day, which is unfortunate but not your problem. Going forward, you have two options. You can call or write to your childhood chum expressing surprise at the bill. Try not to be judgmental and make sure you ask if she received your gift. Or, you can act as though their letter never arrived and continue your friendship with her as best you can. Chances are the situation will just blow over.
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I had to read the question twice as I actually could not believe someone would send a bill to a friend/guest for being unable to attend a wedding. Yes, some weddings cost a lot but a person can’t help it if they get ill. What if you got in a car accident on the way to the wedding? Would they still send a bill?
I suggest you don’t respond to the request for payment in any way.
I agree with Camille, I can’t believe anyone would be this tacky. My first thought if I got this bill would be to believe its a joke (a bad one). And I agree that nobody should have to pay this bill. But I like taking the high road when possible and so, if it wasn’t a financial stretch, I would probably send the happy couple a check for $140 with a note profoundly apologizing again for missing their wedding. Perhaps this couple will come to their senses, decide not to cash the check, or maybe it will turn out to have been a joke after all, and then everything will return to normal. If not, then I would seriously rethink my relationship with this couple.
I agree with Camille on this one. I believe in taking the high road too, but I won’t be sending them a check. I don’t think they sent the bill as a joke and they will cash the check and thus reinforcing their rude behavior. I would ignore it.
I’m with Camille on this one. I would NOT send the married couple a check. Joke or not, it is in extremely poor taste. I doubt it was done in jest.
People seem to lose focus of the purpose of their wedding event: to celebrate an important milestone in their lives (not to hold the event of the decade, and put themselves in financial strain to do so). Furthermore, this couple is treating their wedding event as if it were a missed doctor’s appointment: “you are still responsible for the bill if you don’t give 24 hour’s notice”.
I think the wedding couple felt irrationally slighted for the friend missing the event, regardless of the reason, and are additionally channelling some of their post-wedding woes onto this friend. Were I the friend, I would acknowledge the “bill” to avoid future confrontation by the couple, and simply state it is outrageous and won’t be “paid”. As advised, I would likewise describe the cost of the gift, and leave it at that. I don’t know if it is healthy to remain friends with people that shallow, so if the friendship deteriorates, it is probably a good thing, for the friend.
There is zero chance that I would send them a check. All you’re doing is rewarding bad behavior.
If they were to persist on the subject, I would volunteer the receipt to the gift I gave them so they could return it for the cash.
This isn’t about the discussion, but I can’t find an answer. What should a woman wear to a “black tie” wedding…long or short?
Either one. These days so much evening wear is short and sassy so it depends on your comfort level, the location of the wedding (indoors or out), or if you want to hide your comfy shoes with a long skirt or palazzo pants!