Q: At a friend’s dinner party last month, I got into an intense political debate with a few other guests I barely knew. Our exchange did not derail the party, but the hostess seemed uncomfortable, and later I wondered if we’d all been rude to have come out swinging.
A: Intelligent discussion of an important, interesting topic can be terrific at a dinner party – assuming no one uses offensive language or descends into full-scale arguing. Most subjects – world events, sports, the stock market, even politics – should be fair game, as long as you express yourself in a rational way, listen with an open mind, and don’t insist too vehemently on your own views. Before introducing a possibly controversial subject, first gather some information about your dinner partners. If anyone’s family members are overseas on dangerous assignments, asking what people think about the war on terror might be upsetting. Confronted by someone else’s emotionalism, you may avoid a blowup by calmly saying, “I’ve heard that situation explained differently,” instead of “You’re wrong!” or “That’s not so!” You might move on from an awkward moment by saying something like, “Poor Catherine – I bet she didn’t expect all these fireworks when she invited us over for cassoulet.”
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My mother once told me that there are two topics one should never bring up at a dinner party: money and politics. I tend to be a bit more lax on this “rule,” as I love talking politics–especially with those whose opinions differ from my own.
I especially like the suggestion for changing the topic. When things get heated, that’s typically my strategy.
Hi Sara. I’m with your mother on this one. But let’s add a third topic: religion. I have strong opinions on these topics and I become uncomfortable and am wary about discussing it in front of strangers in a friendly social setting for the very same reason already explained: other people may be uncomfortable doing so in lieu of personal experiences.
Since a dinner party or other party is meant to make all feel welcome and comfortable, this is why these topics are considered “party killers”. Therefore, in the spirit of general merriment, I vote to veto these discussions whether all are engaged or not, and sympathize with the host who’s party turned into a political debating session.
This is some great insight. I love politics and find it so regrettable that it has become such a taboo subject. I do believe it is a civic duty for all of us to make an informed voting choice and civil discussion can be very productive. I feel a boundry is crossed however when, a person’s honesty, citizenship, or intellect is questioned simply because of their political views. Further, it is a lost art to express your views and disagreements in such a way so as to aviod making contentious statements about the institutions of our government. Thankfully, there is a growing number of groups starting up with a goal to bring people togeather to have civil discussions about political topics.
It’s a very important point about first getting to know someone before you discuss a controversial subject with them. When two of my friends were getting into a heated debate about fighting terrorism, one of them said “didn’t 9/11 mean anything to you?” She didn’t know he is a police officer.
what topics should we discuss when we eliminate money , politics , and religion ?!
The weather.
Downfall of the Roman Empire.
The latest art installation at the local museum.
Travel.
An interesting scientific discovery.
Undergraduate colleges.
Oprah’s latest book.
Bad airline food.
Why Firefly should have lasted more than one season.
Volunteering.
Which is better – Barnes & Noble or Borders?
Girl Scout Cookies.
Earthquake in Japan.
etc.