Q: My daughter is planning her wedding, and we’re not sure who should walk her down the aisle. As her father died several years ago, would it be right for me to escort her? Would it be better for her uncle to do it? Or, should she walk down the aisle by herself?
A: Any of these options are acceptable. These days, it’s perfectly fine for a bride to have her mother escort her or to walk down the aisle alone. The decision is up to your daughter, based on how close she feels to you and her uncle and her dreams for her special day. I recently attended the wedding of a good friend whose widowed mother walked her down the aisle, and everyone agreed it was a lovely part of the ceremony.
Loading ...
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I was recently at the beautiful wedding of a young couple we’ve known for several years. The young woman has been a part of the groom’s family through a bond of love for a long time. So, since the bride’s father is no longer in the picture, the groom’s father escorted her down the aisle and openly welcomed her as an official member of the family. It was lovely.
I’ve been wanting to ask this very question. Although I’ve been married before, my fiance hasn’t. His family wants a somewhat formal wedding, which I will do because it’s my fiance’s day, too. The only problem is, I have a very small family. My mother and father & uncles are all deceased. My brother and I are the only close family left, but we’re on the ins and outs according to what his wife finds convenient. Since he’s a pastor, I was hoping that my brother could be one of the officiants, and I could walk down the aisle by myself. Would that look conceited or just wrong?
Also, any suggestions for the invitations? My fiance’s mother is the only parent still with us, but I’ll be paying for this.
It is perfectly appropriate for you to walk alone down the aisle; having been “given away” the first time, it is assumed you are capable of looking after yourself now as a mature woman. And, yes, it would be nice if your brother is an/the officiant. Surely his wife will not object to this.
Since you are paying for your wedding, it is fine for you to word the invitation, “Mary Ellen Hunter and John Jacob Jones request the honor… ” You do not have to mention his mother, as parents of the groom are usually not listed unless helping to pay for/host the wedding, or you simply want to acknowledge her, though this could be done verbally at the reception, either by speech or toast, or in a receiving line. However, once you list her in the invitation, it then becomes an issue of acknowledging three additional deceased parents, and that is, sadly, a lot of “lates.” Do, though, acknowledge them someway in your ceremony or reception.
It is important to remember that this may be a very poignant event for your future m-i-l, as I do not doubt she will be thinking of her deceased husband, and I daresay, will also make mental note of the fact she is the only remaining parent of both you and her son. It would be very kind of you to remember this, and treat her especially well and lovingly. You will honor your fiance in doing so.
Rules are fluid, as we all know, and certainly in circumstances such as yours. Discuss these details with your fiance and arrive at your decisions together. I must say the loveliest, most replete weddings I’ve seen have been second ones. I am sure yours will be, too.
G&H
I appreciate your response, Grace and Honor. What we will most probably do is to place a white rose (or magnolia, whichever is the main flower) in the appropriate places in the pews, and hand either a flower of another color or a small nosegay to my fiance’s mother at some time during the ceremony. My fiance and I feel strongly that, while the wedding will be for the living, we want to honor our deceased parents, too.
Thank you again!
We wish you a joyous wedding and long and happy marriage, M.!
I always heard while growing up that a Bride should be fashionably late for her wedding. Was that ever true or is that still true today.
Au contraire…a lady should always be on time for her wedding and her funeral. If she isn’t for the first, her honey might assume she isn’t coming, and if she isn’t for the second, someone has some ‘splainin’ to do.