Q: After a recent potluck dinner, I took the remains of my dish home. Later, I learned that the hostess – a friend – complained that she should have gotten the leftovers. Who’s right?
A: To the victor belong the spoils, and to the potluck chef belong the leftovers – so you did no wrong by reclaiming your contribution. And since many hostesses prefer not to deal with storing loads of food and returning guests’ containers, you probably thought you were being helpful. Still, it was her house and her hard work getting people together – so it would have been nice if you’d inquired about her leftover policy, then parted ways with your tasty dish had she asked for it. Your friend, for her part, should have raised the issue with you directly; since she didn’t, why don’t you clear the air? There’s no sense in ruining a friendship over a little potluck protocol.
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My fiance and I are getting married next year and are already running in to problem with his side of the family. Both of his parents are remarried and don’t get along with each other. We get a long fine with his mom and stepdad but the problems are comming from his stepmom and dad. His dad wants his wife half of the family at the wedding and my fiance and I dont see why we have to have them because that his stepside of the family and he isnt very close to his stepmom or anyone in her family. His stepmom is trying to make are wedding more about her needs then mine and my fiance needs. We have tryed to set down and talk them but we end of in huge fight and my fiance and I getting down graded from his dad and stepmom. Is there some rule some where saying we have to let the stepmom family come to are wedding?? Whats are the rules when dealing with step families and also stepmom trying to make the wedding about them?
Relationships with divorced/remarried parents can be a bit tricky when planning an important family event like a wedding. It is good that you have tried to have a conversation with your fiance’s father and stepmother, and although it may not have ended the way you would have liked, at least your feelings are out on the table. When it comes down to it, it is your wedding. Wedding guest lists are always a result of thoughtful deliberation because tough decisions have to be made. Your fiance’s stepmother may not understand or be thinking about all of the considerations that the two of you are under in formulating the guest list. There is a broader point of etiquette here in that it can be rude to request to be invited to any event in that it can create an uncomfortable situation for the host like the one you described here. Having said this, in order to give you a more complete answer, a bit more information would be necessary. If your fiance’s father is helping to pay for the wedding, he does have some say in who is on the guest list, and consulting him would be an important part of this process. Of course, he would also have to keep in mind all the same considerations you do and be aware of your needs and desires as well as his wife’s. Good luck completing your guest list, hopefully when it is done you can shift focus to celebrating your coming marriage. Best wishes to all and enjoy your wedding day!
After hosting, when I see my guests’ leftover food, I feel guilty even eating them.
I agree…you should always ask the host (otherwise you look cheap).
I think it is so rude to take home your serving platter with the leftovers in it. A person should find the hostess and say, “We’ll be leaving now, so may I ask if you have a container that I can transfer the rest of my dish into, so that you can keep the leftovers, but I can take my platter home?” Then the hostess will either say, “Oh, sure, thank you for leaving the rest of the food.” OR, “Oh, that’s OK, I have so much here, you don’t have to empty it and leave it here.” This way, SHE gets to choose. Being the hostess, she probably didn’t even eat all night anyway. She will look forward to eating after everyone has gone and she’s cleaned up. If a guest LOVES what they are bringing so much, they should keep some at home for themselves, before bringing the dish going to the party.
After a family dinner with out of town family, should the guest help wash the dishes or should th ey be done by the one having the dinner get together.
It is polite of guest(s) to offer to help with cleanup; it is up to the host(ess) whether to accept.