Q: I’m in the process of finalizing the guest list for my future wedding. My fiance and I have several friends and distant family members who live across the country and can’t possibly attend our ceremony. Do we still send them invitations? I don’t want to hurt their feelings.
A: Many people prefer not to send invitations to those friends and acquaintances who they think cannot possibly attend the celebrations. In most cases, these friends should receive a wedding announcement instead, which carries no gift obligation. However, some good friends who live far away might actually be hurt if you don’t invite them, even if your intent was to spare them from feeling obliged to send a gift. In general, always invite truly good friends – even if they live far away.
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When in doubt, I’d suggest sending an invitation, especially if that out-of-town friend has close ties with friends who do live locally and will be invited. Several years ago, my family was good friends with another family in our neighborhood. When their eldest daughter got married, they sent invitations to my entire family — but not to me, because “she can’t make it anyway.” My youngest sister, a bridesmaid, told the bride how rude that was. My point is, I agree with the advice that sending an invitation will avoid hurt feelings.
People happily travel for weddings frequently these days. If you truly want these people to attend if they can do go ahead and send the invite. You might be surprised how many decide that traveling to your wedding is a fun and wonderful thing.
It is always better to invite and include them and let them make that decision.
I think it’s always best to invite people to be safe or send them an announcement. If you don’t and word gets around, hurt feelings can last for years! Also, it allows them to feel included, even if they are unable to travel due to illness or finances. They will still appreciate that you took the time to share the happy event with them and included them.
Always, always, always send an invitation, not an announcement. First, you have no way of knowing who will attend your wedding. I was married a few months ago — we sent invitations to people who lived several thousand miles away not thinking that they would attend. Therefore, we were very pleasantly surprised when some of them came to celebrate with us. Second, an invitation makes people feel honored and wanted, even if they can’t come to age or distance. I have a 100 year old great aunt who could not attend our wedding. But she was so happy that we thought enough of her that we would invite her to come. Third, a corollary to point two, an “announcement” is cold and impersonal — it says “I don’t care enough to invite you to my wedding, but I want you to know I’m getting married.” If someone is close enough to you that you believe they would care that you are getting married, then they deserve an invitation.
(BTW, etiquette does not require that the recipient of a wedding invitation send a gift, although many people choose to send gifts when they receive invitations or announcements. Weddings are not an excuse to issue invoices to people who are minding their own business!)
Should a wedding invitation be send to the groom’s mother’s good friends who have already informed the mother of the groom they will be unable to attend the wedding due to their own family commitments[reunions , college football games, etc]?
Thanks for your insights
father of the groom
Invites should be sent to all those on the guest list. The guest could not have declines before the guest recieved an invite. Maybe their plans will or have changed. Until the RSVP to the invite arrives the guest has not officially said they can not attend. So send the invite However, there is a chance based on the way that this guest is being described(grooms mothers good friend) that they were never on the guest list to begin with. In that case they should not get an invite.