Q: My 7-year-old has started asking me questions about how much money we make and how much our house cost! How do we explain that these conversations are inappropriate?
A: In our money-focused culture, it’s not surprising that your son is curious about these things. It’s actually a great chance to start a conversation about values. Reassure him that you make enough money for your family to have a good life: You have food, a safe home, and nice things. Tell him that the value of your house isn’t really important, and that talking about how much people earn and what their things cost can make other people uncomfortable. Make sure your son knows that he shouldn’t get involved in bragging contests about money.
Loading ...
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I am the mother of 4 children and want to do the right thing! My daughters, 8 and 7, were thrilled last summer when another 8 year old girl moved next door. She goes to a different school but the girls play nicely together after school and on the weekends. The problem is the little girl is an only child and has nothing to do but play with my children. She never has other friends over (or goes to anyone else house for playdates except ours) and her parents do not have her enrolled in any activities. She calls our house 3-4 times a day. If we don’t pick up the phone, she immediately comes to our front door and knocks. If we don’t hear her knocking she goes around to the back of our house and peeks in our windows to see what we are doing! She invites herself to go everywhere with us-the park,the pool, even to grandma’s!Her mom just informed me she is enrolling her in the private school my daughters go to and she will be in my 8 year old’s class. I am afraid she will cling to my daughter and take her away from a group of friends that we like very much. Her mom is also wanting to enroll her in the same dance and swim classes my girls are in! I feel bad for her that she is an only child but even my daughters are getting tired of her hounding us so much. What should I do?
Dear Jennifer,
My family had the same sort of situation when my boys were younger. The boy next store loved to spend all his waking moments at our home. He was an only child, too, and this is a large part of the problem. His behavior was identical to the neighboring girl in your situation. Finally, I invited his mother over for a chat and told her, “Jane, we love Brent and have very much enjoyed living next door to your family. But, I need your help. Sometimes Brent comes over when it is not a good time for us, and so I’ve come up with an idea. He is welcome to come over anytime this pot is sitting on our back deck. (I had a tacky plastic geranium that a friend had given me as a joke.) Anytime the geranium is out, he is welcome to come over; if it’s not, that means we are busy, ok?” Handling it this way diverted a direct confrontation, and enlisted his Mom in helping to control the situation. Over the years, it became automatic for one of my boys to say, “Should we put the pot out now?” Sometimes it was when we ordered pizza or rented a movie, played in the snow, went to the library, or even raked leaves. If Brent didn’t show up fairly quickly, my son would call and suggest he look at our deck.
We lived next to that family until we moved a few years ago. That plastic geranium faded to white over the years. When Brent graduated from an Ivy League school last year, his parents invited us to a graduation party at their home. His mother asked that I bring a specific floral arrangement. You can guess what it was.
G&H
GraceandHonor’s suggestion is a great one . ( It is also similar to the “at home gnomes” that I and several of my neighborhood friends own. When an “at home gnome” is on the front yard or porch impromtue visits from local friends are always welcome if not then planning needed)The girl is most likely has nobody else to play with within walking distance. It might be quite a kindness to hostess a local kids play group once a month or something so that this girl makes other neighborhood friends.
I love the “At Home Gnome” idea! You could even have the child and her friends “dress” the gnome seasonally at the monthly local playgroup parties.