Q: Whenever we get together with my family, our 15-year-old son looks like a mess – torn jeans, grungy T-shirt. I’ve told him he should make himself presentable out of respect for me and his relatives, but he says it’s his style, and I should leave him alone.
A: Dressing neatly – especially cleanly – is a mark of respect for you and the family. And your son is certainly old enough to understand that the grungy look is out of place at certain gatherings. But as you know all too well, teenagers are often determined to assert their independence in style as well as substance.
You’re wise to avoid making a big deal out of this, but you do need to set your son straight. You can remind him that you generally don’t interfere with his clothing choices. But a family get-together is one of those times when you expect him to wear something you both consider acceptable.
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Great advice! This would be a great reason to take your son shopping, maybe select an outfit or a few items that represent a middle ground. I think it can be a learning experience in both directions. You can learn more about your son’s style and why it is important to him and he can learn more about the importance of appropriate dress.
I agree with Simone. I have done the same thing with my teen and he now has some clothes in his closet that are for “dress up” including a proper pair of shoes! Shopping with him has been an eye opener- I’ve loosened up a bit and he’s found a bit of style too!
Hi all,
To me, casual family gathering are the bast place to wear what you want, since thease are peope who have known you since you were born, and who will love you however you are. The only place to not do that are very formal occations, like wedding, funerals, and occations where the host has ask people to wear formal dress.
My son has been recently called “gay” at his high school because he dresses very neat and preppy. How can he stop that? It’s not every kid but it does make a difference. It’s people he doesn’t really communicate with or know. What can he do to be perceived as straight? I, myself, was a neat dresser and preppy because I’m from a WASP family. And I never got called “gay”.
I think you are asking the wrong question — not “how can my son look straight” but “why are horrible slurs being thrown around casually at my son’s school?” After all — looking “gay?” So what?