Q: For Mother’s Day, my siblings and I usually give a group gift. This year, we want to get Mom a dishwasher, but our older brother thinks that’s too expensive How can we get him to chip in?
A: Choose a mediator (perhaps the sibling he’s closest too) who can get a feel for what’s going on. Is your brother a tightwad, or is he just strapped for cash? If he’s broke, not cheap, maybe he could be allowed to contribute less than the rest of you do this year. Or, you could ask him to suggest less expensive gifts that she might like just as much. If there’s no good compromise, however, tell your brother you’re proceeding with the dishwasher plan. Deliver the present to your mother when your brother isn’t there, and give her a card signed by those who did contribute.
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Interesting answer. You see, we’re the ones who are often seen as the skimping siblings. Who decided on a dishwasher? Was this something that was discussed or did one or two of the siblings decide on the gift and just announce what everyone owed?
My husband comes from a large family. Some of the siblings have much more disposable income (or are more willing to use credit) than others. For holidays my husband and I set a budget. We’re happy to go in with others on a gift, but we are serious about sticking to our budget. If we’ve set $50 for each set of parents and the gift that the siblings are talking about would require $100, we either have to decline to participate or let the siblings know that we’ll be glad to chip in our budgeted amount. We’re not cheap; we simply believe in living within our means.
I like the original advice, and have a further suggestion. If your brother is strapped for cash but still wants to contribute, maybe he can take on some of the non-financial work like coordinating the order, arranging for delivery, making sure the dishwasher is hooked up correctly.
I have two brothers who both make three times what I do. They are continually wanting to buy our parents nice things. Mostly because they love and appreciate them and want to get them something to show that. Sometimes I contribute to the gift and sometimes I don’t.
Regardless, they put my name on the card. You see, they don’t care – they understand that I can’t afford it and are happy to include me anyway. Too bad everyone can’t have that attitude.
I think we should nominate your loved ones for “Family of the Year.” How absolutely lovely and uplifting…lucky, lucky you, Camille!
One of my brothers, despite working hard, is very poor, and he cannot contribute to family functions and gifts like me and my other brother. We always make sure there are gifts from him to every niece and nephew in the family on birthdays and christmas, and we add his name to group gifts. I cannot imagine how embarrased he would feel if we didn’t do so, and I just could not do that to him.
I would say your brother is very, very rich.