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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
My boyfriend’s son is getting married next year. There will be multiple parties given for the bride and groom to be. I have been told that friends of the groom’s mother will be giving a party and also friends of the bride’s parents, which are out of town. Are we expected/required to attend all parties given? We do not want to have to pick and choose. The groom’s parents do not have the same circle of friends any longer. They have been divorced for 10 +/- years.
I would encourage you to attend every party to which you are invited. This will go a long way toward fostering a happy beginning for your boyfriend’s son’s marriage, and demonstrate that your boyfriend and you are cultured and caring individuals.
That was my thought. Just checking!! Thanks!
I maintain the Facebook page and website for the place in which I work. My boss now wants me to establish and maintain the Facebook page for 2 organizations in which he is involved, but that have nothing to do with where I work or my job. I keep saying “yes, I can show you how to make the page” but he seems insistent on my being the one to upload photos and update the page. I have had a very good working relationship with my boss, but morale at this workplace is very low as we just established a union and things are moving very slowly. I am not his secretary. How do I stay on good terms with my boss but get myself out of having to do his work?
Perhaps you might voice concerns about using company resources (you and your salary) for purposes not related to the business. Ask him if it is possible to receive some sort of written permission for you to do this, “to protect both of us.” Couch it in terms of desire to assist your favorite boss, but wanting to safeguard him, too. If he does come through with a third-party permission, or dismisses the necessity of it, save your emails about this, and then do as he requests. This falls into that gray area of being paid for your time, and unless the task is particularly abhorent for some reason, and your superior instructs you to do it, then you should.
I have a friend that has been having an affair with a married man for the last six mos (I recently found out he was married). He passed away recently. Now my friend wants to attend his funeral. I say absolutely not, she says I am going. Would like some feed back on what others think of this matter?
Tell her if she cared for him at all, she should gift him with her discretion. While her selfishness has guided her actions up until now, we will pray she abandons it now for the sake of his family, who are innocent bystanders and do not need to endure the pain her attendance will inflict on them while they are trying to deal with their loss. If she agrees, try to spend the day with her and distract her so she doesn’t change her mind at the last moment and go anyway.
Thank you so much for your insight. I tried to tell her several times that this would not be a good thing. Yet when she heard it from another source, she got it. I guess I just didnt count or she didnt want to hear the truth from me. But from someone else. I am just glad that she decided not to attend. She also did not contact anyone related to the situtation. Which she kept saying she was going to call them. Thank you again.
Bob, I have wondered how this situation ended, and I am very, very glad your friend did not foist herself upon his family. You are a kind person to support her during this time and are to be commended for your upstanding guidance to her. Best of luck to you in all you do. G&H
My mother died about a year ago. (the worse thing that ever happened in my life) My best friend! She was married to my pop (the love of her life) for over 50 years. He died about 8 years ago. I am the only child of both of them. During WWII they were both married to other people for a very short amount of time (2 years) and had sons. My niece is now placing old pictures of her grand parents on their wedding day in beautiful silver frames in her dining room. Her mother, my sister-in-law, is digging everywhere to find a wedding picture my mom & her first husband when they were married. Here’ s the deal. My mom was very unhappy with her first husband, and was having an affair with my dad (5 years)- after the war was over, they both divorced their spouses and married each other. I know affairs are not an appropriate (to say the least) – but, they were madly in love, and were still madly in love till the day they died. My half brothers are not at all aware of the affair. My mom shared all this with me when I turned 21. It truly should of been a Hallmark love story. So, just as my mother would not of approved of a copy of her and her first husband’s on their wedding day up on her grand daughters wall while she was alive, I assure you, she wouldn’t want a picture up on the wall now that she has passed away. I too am divorced and have a great friend ship with my x-husband. But, I don have any photos of me and my x on our wedding day hanging around. I understand that they don’t know all the details like I do…but, Ms. Post, I don’t know any friend of mine that is divorced today, where family members have photos of them hanging on walls while they were married to the first husband. I find it hurtful and offensive and thank God in all the scrap books that have been looked through, there are none to be found. How do I tell my sister in-law to STOP asking me ~ I am getting ready to sell my parents home and have stacks of old photos etc. My mother would have a fit I know for sure…and what does it say for me my pop
My pop would be furious as well. I am sorry for my brother, who I adore, but, his dad and my mom divorced – it’s a lie to have a wedding photo like that hanging on a wall!!
I can understand your anguish over this. It is only natural that your half-brother is looking at things from his point of view and he and his family are trying to preserve what they perceive as their reality. If you are a regular visitor to this site, you’ve seen Daniel Post Senning write of “benevolent truth.” This is the time to consider employing it in your case. It will do no one in your family any good to know of your mother’s confession to you and I urge you to keep it to yourself. If there are no pictures left of your mother and your half-brother’s father, then nothing will be hung to commemorate that unhappy union. If, though, something does turn up, I urge you to let it go, as it will provide comfort to them and cost you nothing. Having lost someone very important to me recently, I, too worried about his final wishes. He told me before he died, in a moment of brief lucidity, “But, don’t you see? None of that will matter.”
Things of this world don’t matter to your mother anymore. You are a good daughter and you can let it go now.
Jill, while I hear your anguish and torment about this, perhaps you need to keep in mind that your mother’s first husband is your half-brother’s father. Therefore, he is your niece’s biological grandfather. Your mother was her biological grandmother. From that perspective, there isn’t any reason why she shouldn’t have a picture of them.
Much as you may not want to see such a photo, I agree with Graceandhonor’s advice to let this one go. If your mom was still alive and had found it objectionable, then she could’ve said something to your SIL and/or niece. But since you aren’t your mother or her first husband, I don’t think there’s anything that you could say or do and still be diplomatic and polite about it. Hope you find inner peace about this…