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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Is there a specific person or people who traditionally buy the wedding champagne flutes? Two people gave us flutes and I am unsure which ones to use.
I have seen pairs of flutes received as wedding gifts which were used in the bridal toast at a reception. I have also seen the bride purchase them, or the reception venue supply them. I would suggest that if you receive “competing” pairs, thought should be given to the relationship and sentiment attached to each, and that be the basis of your decision on which to use.
How do I politely ask people in my workspace to be quiet so I can get some work done?
I’m a registered paralegal and work with my husband at his busy law office. I love my job.
I sit alone up front at one of two desks in the reception area. I have many time consuming, complex tasks that I deal with everyday that require deep thought. However, I feel I am constantly interrupted by deliveries, clients and potential clients with and without appointments, and salespeople.
The major distraction is having to listen to people in the reception area – MY workspace. They talk about their kids’ soccer practice, their auntie’s illness or last night’s Dancing with the Star’s. Often times potential clients will want to tell me all about their legal problems and go into great detail. I don’t have time to listen to mindless chit chat o be a sympathetic ear. To use my time like that is not cost effective and puts me further and further behind in my work. When potential clients come in, I have them fill out a form and ask them to write an explanation of what they think their case is about. I don’t need to hear it… just write it down. Some potential clients don’t want to write it down… they just want to tell me. I guess they assume I’m going to take notes. I don’t take notes and that’ our policy. We always have the client put everything in writing and there is a good reason for that.
In any event, I put up a sign asking people to take cell phone calls into the hallway and it worked, however, people still want to “talk story” (as they say in Hawaii) to each other and use their normal level speaking voice in my workspace. This is so distracting — and frustrating — that I have to stop what I’m doing and leave the front office to vent. What do I need to do to tell these people to be quiet? I hoped that the no cell phone sign would be an obvious request to be quiet! I want to be diplomatic about it and not come across as rude. I have a job to do and am so busy that I have no time to eat lunch or take a bathroom break. Please tell me what I can do to make this problem stop. Can you suggest a sign I can post? It worked with the cell phone ban.
Also, many people confuse me for the bosses’ daughter – I am his wife. Maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time getting people to be quiet; perhaps they assume I’m the receptionist and daddy’s little girl that can’t get a job somewhere else and, therefore, don’t respect my workplace?
I just want my workplace to be respected; after all, I’m working on many of those blabber-mouths’ cases.
P.S. the only space available to me is the reception area and we do not have a secondary person up front so I can’t dump client relations or deliveries on anyone else.
Great question Andrea. I sympathize deeply with your situation having found myself in a very similar one not too long ago. I worked in a reception area of a larger office where admin duties were being shared between several people and faced many of the exact same problems that you are describing. Unfortunately, many of these issues are systematic as you acknowledge. Until the company can afford to move you into an office or subdivide the reception space (I know cubicles are terrible but this is why they are often used) you are going to be dealing with the distraction of deliveries, clients questions, and general office traffic. Because you are handling with these distractions as a part of your current work, I would take the approach of asking your fellow employees for there help. By acknowledging the inherent difficulties in your situation you can raise some of the side issue that are fixable, like not socializing in the reception space, as ways that people can help you stay focused and working hard for everyone’s benefit. Speak with people when they are not in the act of committing an offense. Explain in just the way you have here that you are having trouble focusing on your work to the extent that you would like. Acknowledge that no solution can be perfect but that you would love peoples help keeping the space you work in as focused as possible. Because you don’t have a door you can close when you have to focus you might suggest a signal, similar to your ‘no cell phones’ sign, that would work like a closed door indicating that you want people to ask/knock before interrupting you or stopping for story time. Maybe it is a ‘do not disturb sign’ or maybe it is a subtler signal (we used a bobble head from a trade show) that will clue in your office mates without projecting the same message to prospective clients.
If you are not able to generate buy in from your coworkers and office mates you should speak to a supervisor or someone in HR. There may be a need for a dedicated social space or some other solution that you can not organize on your own. If you do bring this to a boss remember to also offer some suggestions for ways to address the problem as well as explain the steps you have already taken yourself. This way you make yourself part of the solution. Good luck and keep us posted, I would love to know how this resolves.
The first step in addressing your problem is to cease viewing your firm’s clients as interrupting blabbermouths. Your employment exists because of them. They are there during what usually is a serious, and often anguishing time, and should be treated with welcoming compassion. That should be the most important duty in your job description. Your situtation is entirely based in the physical set-up of your work environment. Get a cubicle and a receptionist. It is entirely reasonable that a visitor to your office assumes you are the receptionist and that chat is ok in the reception room. Don’t expect them to intuit otherwise.
Within the next week both my sister and her husband have their birthdays. Other than my own son, she and her husband and their two children are my only living relatives and I cherish them. They live six states away, so unfortunately we don’t get to see each other more than once or twice a year.
Yesterday I sent my sister and brother-in-law an email wishing them a Happy St. Patrick’s Day and letting them know a birthday package is on the way to them. My sister sent a return email saying she and her husband have “decided we’re at the age where we no longer require presents, so next year save your money and just send a card.” Her email was brisk and directive in tone, and her email was cc’d to her husband.
Birthday presents have never been sent to them because they “require presents” as they are very well off financially and can afford to buy themselves anything. Rather, birthday presents have always been sent to them as a motion and expression of love and regard for them. To be told they “no longer require presents” and to be instructed specifically as to the precise action by which to express regard and affection for them raises a question of etiquette.
Is it proper etiquette for relatives to dictate in what specific and exact manner their birthdays are to be acknowledged by other family members? If the manner of acknowledgment does not inconvenience the recipient by requiring them to make plans or attend an appointment, beyond that is it proper for the recipient to dictate precisely in what specific manner a birthday acknowledgment must be made?
Perhaps your sister could have conveyed her wishes in more diplomatic terms, and your point about graciously receiving gifts at no cost of convenience is a good one. You are entirely correct that gifts should be given out of genuine affection instead of obligation. Please use your evident loving and gracious nature to continue giving as you wish, and enclose a note saying, “I know you were not expecting a gift, but you mean so much to me, and I wanted you to have this on your birthday.” We will hope your sister will rise to your level of graciousness in accepting it with enthusiasm. If she doesn’t, it is time to consider she may not enjoy reciprocating to others, and her “cease and desist” is her way of shedding what she regrettably views as obligation.
My fiance and I are eloping privately (read, just the two of us), and having a reception hosted by my parents one week later.
How in the world are we supposed to address our invitations, since the wedding will not have happened when they are sent out? (no one, not even our parents, are invited to witness the wedding, and I certainly don’t want anyone to be confused about what they are being invited to.) Most of our invited guests will be traveling to attend, so we have to send out invitations in advance. I thank you for any help.
Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Reid
invite you to attend a reception
in celebration of
the marriage of their daughter,
Ali Marie
to
Mr. William Bryan Jones Jr.
son of Mr. and Mrs. William B. Jones (if you want to include this line)
on Saturday,
the tenth of April
Two Thousand Ten
at six o’clock in the evening
Allatoona Yacht Club
R.s.v.p. (404) 555-1212
There is no need to provide information regarding the fact you are having a private ceremony. This format clearly indicates the invitation is for a reception and you can make it less formal if you like. I’m sure the word will spread with all the details, and if people have questions, they will ask them when they call to R.s.v.p. In fact, it will be interesting to see if you get a higher R.s.v.p. response than many brides today, because of the curiosity quotient about your wedding!
I hope you will be very happy.
So we should ask for phone RSVPs rather than the traditional mailed invitation/RSVP combo? Fascinating, and I admit, I like the idea of that better.
I am thrilled to elope, and loathe to have this reception, but I’m sure in the end, everything will work out well, and there will be enough happiness to go around. Thank you for your most helpful suggestion!
You can choose the method of R.s.v.p. you prefer. I stated phone number, assuming there would be a lot of questions!
I believe elopement offers an intimacy that is particularly appealing and so understand your desire to be married this way. As for the reception, remember that your loved ones want to participate in your happiness. Let them! Best wishes!
A couple months back and friend and I were out having breakfast and we ran into a neighbor of mine that had moved from my neighborhood. Wonderful lady, miss her truly, she threw my mom and my 4 nieces a lovely proper tea party. Anyway, I introduced Dorothy (my neighbor) and her Lloyd (her husband) to my friend. I said Jenn this is Dorothy and this is Llyod they were my neighbors that recently moved. (Everyone I know knows of Dorothy especially because of the Proper Tea Party) All was well. Dorothy called me a few weeks later and I was at work so she left a message. I called her the very next day at about 6:30 in the evening and she asked if she could call me back tomorrow I said of course. She never called its probably been a month, I have been busy and sick but yesterday I had the opportunity to call her and she asked me if she had done something to offend me, and I said no, she then asked if Lloyd had done anything to offend me and I said no, then she asked if either of them had done anything to offend my boyfriend and I said no, what is going on. (we have a VERY snoopy neighbor, so I was thinking something she had heard) And she said well when you introduced Lloyd to your friend you just called him Lloyd and not my husband. I said Oh, I meant no offense, she said check with your momma, and she what she says, I said I don’t need to do that, you are probably right! She then said, I know I am right. I apologized 3 times but I feel funny. She made it clear she wants to have us over or go to lunch, she is my moms age. I just dont know what to do…
By not introducing this woman’s husband as that to your friend, you made a slight omission, but I don’t think it was an etiquette faux pas. However, this woman’s behavior since then is. If you go to lunch with her and she brings it up again, say, “I have apologized for my oversight and hope we can put it behind us.” Her passive-agressiveness is strange, and I hope you won’t fret too much about this, but if she can’t let it go, then you may want to steer clear of her.
Thank you so much, unfortunately I feel as though I may be the one who cant get over her passive-aggressiveness. I continue to fret, I pride myself on being as polite and “etiquette-ly” correct as possible. Again thank you!
Sweet Tina, save your fretting; you’ll need it another time!